Son hates me.

Follow
Share

I am in my 60's, retired. I no longer need physical care and feeling good. I am able to walk, think clearly, cook my own meals, bathe etc. My middle-aged son cared for me and took complete control but I don't need him now. I should have died 2 yrs ago and through his innuendo's I believe he was waiting for me too. my income is not enough to live elsewhere and we both own home so feel stuck and he won't leave cause house paid off and free rent. we aren't talking to each other due to ridiculous arguments that don't make sense. I actually feel psychologically bullied. Anytime I want to do something he blocks me ie, after discussing and getting his approval I bought tent gazebo to sit in backyard but he the last 3 months he kept giving excuses...first the ground not level so I had rototilled, then too many rocks and glass which there wasn't but had it picked up, then fence need repaired for dogs so family member offered but he refused saying only he can repair but had to work (plus he sprained foot) so offered it as temporary fix and free but he refused, then he no cause he couldn't pick up dogs poop everyday so I bought me pooper scooper and we argued, then I started putting up with family when he was out of town but his wife called him and he called family and said put on cement slab but he knows too small and gazebo frail and need stakes in ground to stabilize and dogs would knock over so family left, then he said I would have to wait for a cement slab....we never eat as a family, interact, he rewashes my dishes when they're clean, doesn't want me using refrig cause my food will poison his even if bagged and sealed, won't put in a/c unit but has one in his bedroom, hides TOILET brush (can't figure why), can't have visitors or he gets mad so I feel isolated, had towed my car not out of concern for my safety but he has 4 vehicles and doesn't want me taking space, he pointedly gives me the silent treatment, he stopped me from cooking stating the filters will burn, oven heat makes him hot and microwave takes electricity (I snuck in a coffee maker in my room and the warmer hot enough I can steam veggies and wraps in foil to eat hot food)...you get the picture. he held a grudge against his grandmother til she died over a misunderstanding that she tried to resolve so I think he is doing the same with me. he did not grow up in an abusive home but his wife did and has convinced him he did too. it may be what bonds them. so I don't know how to make my life better. no one is listening to me and son mad if i speak out so I've stopped.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
18

Comments

Show:
He is controlling you and being a Mom, I understand no matter what, you love him. But...you are enabling him by letting him control you. Put your foot down and tell him he has to move. get a lawyer and get him off as your POA if he is that. Hopefully you have enough money to live your life the way you want to, sounds like you have a lot of friends and family other than him. He has been spolied way too long, times up. enjoy the rest of your life in peace. 60's? People are dating still in their 70's, 80's and 90's, think positive. Its going to be so hard, but so worth it and you are doing him a favor, remember that. He will hate it, but he has to get out and run his own life, not yours. Look it up on Dr Phil, he has had many shows on this kind of situation, Adult Children Living at Home is not right unless of course they are in college or ill.
(0)
Report

Wow. If you own this home, evict him. Put a restraining order against him contacting you. Sell you home if you need to, recruit help legally or from friends if you need it. I would rather live in a refrigerator box and eat cat food than go through what you describe. He IS bullying you and it is not your imagination. He actually sounds somewhat mentally ill as well as abusive. Who cares what 'reasons' he might have for this behavior. You sound as if you are able to get around, so if you have a friend or two who can put you up while you sort this out in the immediate sense, then I would get away from him. He may be trying to force you to be the one to leave so advice legally is probably the best thing first. What an ordeal. God bless you!
(0)
Report

I am middle daughter to a 92 year old mother...she has mid-range dementia...and as is typical...character traits that like stubborn, passive aggressive, and negativity is a daily struggle with caring and living with her....I must tell u it is not easy bit I never do to her what your son is doing to you! YOU HAVE GOT TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP...ALL COMMUNITIES HAVE AGENCIES LIKE SENIOR ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS AND
ELDER ABUSE ORGANIZATIONS...STOP HIM IN HIS TRACKS...YOU CAN HAVE HIM BUY YOU OUT GET A SENIOR LIVING APT IN YOUR AREA THAT MAY BE AFFORDABLE THOUGH GOV. PROGRAMS. GET OUT OF THERE HE IS A SELF CENTERED EGO MANIAC...YOU DESERVE QUALITY OF LIFE...NOT LETTING YOU COOK A WARM MEAL IS ABUSIVE AND INHUMANE....PLEASE DO IT TODAY. A HEALTH AND HAPPIER LIFE IS AS SIMPLE AS HAVING RESPECT AND TRUST THAT YOU DESERVE TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE......GOOD LUCK AND PEASE LET US KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO!!! God blessings
(1)
Report

Call Protective Services ASAP and seek help. You should not live this way.
(0)
Report

There's a lot that's wrong with this picture. And it's not all one-sided. You're not getting along and it takes two to not get along in this way. Your narrative -- which is making some responders so sure that "this is abuse!" -- is full of speculations about his motives. I see arguments about stuff like gazebos and having dogs and your car. I see a lot of conviction that you are a victim here, and not a lot of awareness that you're talking about an interactional dynamic that you have some part of. I see that you've got a lot of pent-up feelings that I'm sure felt good to vent; but your pent-up feelings are not the whole story. I am a mediator and I can tell you that there are at least THREE stories: yours, his, and what's actually going on.
(2)
Report

Go on your own. Choose a place to live that is close to care you will need later on. Work with your attorney to shelter and protect the money you get from 1/2 the house (if your son really did pay 50% of the cost of the home). If you do end up needing someone to manage your money, have the attorney recommend a conservator, a neutral third party who will act as a buffer between family and you over your funds. See about investing the house money in an annuity that will pay monthly if you don't have much retirement income. Maybe you can have a less stressful relationship with family when your issues and theirs are entirely separate.
(1)
Report

DebraJo - Definitely call adult protective services. Do it when he is not around. Do not wait either. Call your friends and tell them what is going on if they do not already know. I will tell the services also so they can vouch for you. There is no way that son can tell them that you cannot care for yourself. You need companionship right now. Please take care of YOU!!!!
(1)
Report

Debrajo, I'm with everyone else - get out of there or get son out - those are your options.

You should not have to live this way, and it sounds like it's really affecting you very badly.
(1)
Report

Debrajo, you're not old, you're in your 60s. Your recovery from pancreatic cancer shows you're constitutionally built to last, too. Come on, this is a lot of life still to go that we're talking about - there has to be a way forward. I'm glad you found an attorney you liked: did he/she come up with any suggestions? I understand about not wanting to get too heavy, but what about mediation?
(1)
Report

Yes... I agree!... you shouldn't have to live like this!...
(funny though, in my case it's my mother who tried to 'run' me... even at 86!... She's always been this way... head strong... I found you can't change them!)
(0)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions