I visited my grandmother at the rehab center today and we had a care conference with the rn physical therapist and the social worker who is helping me out. They gave me the progress that when she leaves she is either gonna need a live in assistant or a nursing facility for assisted living. I know my grandmother would reject both ideas with a fight. I along with the staff at the rehab want her best interests. I'm not ignoring the advice given. I have my job to work but can visit when I'm off like I always do. She seemed normal when I arrived but was still confused and in the care conference about the house she bought over 50 years ago and showing her bills which I removed and took back to her house along with a bank checkbook. The social worker contacted me yesterday and told her to void them all she still wants to pay the bills but I told her I have it and will pay it its just the property tax and a phone bill so far. The staff felt concerned if she tells all this information to a total stranger in which identity theft is bad and the elderly are always vulnerable to it. I am deeply concerned that she thinks her house is gonna be taken away. I know it's her pride and joy who wouldn't be proud of buying a house. If she wants to be there she needs an assistant there. From what they told me she will have a hard time going up a flight of stairs at 97. Most of the setup would have to be downstairs. She would def be prone to having a bad fall. I'm trying to do all I can do while I'm there but I can handle what's coming. I will be in touch with nursing assistants tomorrow and see how it goes.

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@cwillie I know what you mean its a tough decision I know what should be the easiest option but its tough for me to say you cant come home you need to go to aassisted living home. but in reality its the right route to I know she wont be pleased but over time its the way to go.

I imagine there are a few people who see themselves becoming a burden to their families and voluntarily opt to move into long term care - of course we don't hear about them very much on this forum because their families aren't pulling out their hair with guilt and frustration over the decision. IMO sending her back to an unsafe home is the same as telling a child to go ahead and play in the street - you know it is a disaster waiting to happen.

This is why I needed a opinion before making these decisions and I'm the one that's gonna have to do it. I will have to do something my mom couldn't do when she was alive get her into something and find a way to sell the house. Monday I'll hear what the home in care has to say I didn't commit to it at all being in the house may not be a good move.I have communicates with a elder care lawyer who can help me get a guardianship. Being I'm basically the surviving family member thats gonna have to handle this stuff other than being the executor of the estate and beneficiary.

Coneal, I agree with FF.

Your best option if your grandmother is not mentally competent and unable to make medical or financial decisions for herself and has no POA would be to seek guardianship. You would need to hire an elder law attorney and go through the court to do so, as the court has to agree with grandmother's doctor and based on the evidence provided that mom is not legally competent in order for a guardian to be appointed.

If you were appointed guardian, you would be the one making the medical and financial (including housing) decisions on your grandmother's behalf.

I know it must be very hard for your grandmother to imagine going to AL or NH. However, if the social worker and PT nurse both believe she would be a danger to herself there in her home, AL or NH probably is going to be the best for her in the long run. 24/7 home care is going to be very expensive.

At an AL or nursing facility, she would be able to have assistance with bathing, dressing, medications, etc if she needs it. and most would (or should) have grab bars and other modifications to make it less likely that she would fall.

her house as in the inside is in bad shape it needs tons of work like a 21st century redo. but will cost tons of money. the house has a nice appraisal unless whomever buys it wants to spend money fixing it up. but I see what you mean its gonna be rough as said when my mom was alive, she suggested to get her into something smaller and she refused and got angry at her. down the road I would have to sell it as is. this week I'll have to aquire a guardianship I had a poa from legal zoom but in her condition, she wouldn't know what she is signing. so I need to scratch that ideal.

Coneal7876, I hope everything works out well for your Grandmother returning back to her house. But many of us here can tell you it will be short lived.

My parents were in their 90's and still were living in their home which had a lot of stairs. My Mom refused to downsize, and refused to allow any "strangers" to come into the house... thus no caregivers or cleaning crews. Yep, both of my parents were fall risks.

My Mom had passed from a very serious fall. Doctors had told her she needed around the clock caregivers to help limit her falls but Mom insisted that my Dad could catch her if she started to fall. Well, Dad being in his 90's was no Superman. It would take him 5 minutes just to get up off a chair, but then Mom's fall would be completed.

My Dad then hired caregivers for himself around the clock [3 shifts of 8 hours each]. The cost was $20k per month, which was the going rate for my area.

Then Dad decided the house was becoming too much work. Something was always needing fixing. And at his age, before he had caregivers, one would see him outside shoving snow. Plus Dad was always falling in his gardens and it would take a neighbor walking by to notice.

Eventually Dad moved to Independent Living which he loved. The cost was $5k per month, and Dad didn't need to worry when it rained that the sump pump would fail.... or during a storm that the power would go out.... he didn't need to worry about cooking, housekeeping, or laundry.... and he didn't need to worry about stairs. Ah what a relief.

There are pros and cons, mainly more cons, when it comes to an elder remaining at home. They are in total denial that they can no longer maintain the home. When my Dad moved from his home, he said for me to tell the house.... it had to be sold in "as is" condition.

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