I just need to vent. I've posted on other areas of this site before, but am struggling so much. My 83 year old mom lives alone and I am her only child. She has had a very tough year, with breast cancer that required a mastectomy and radiation, followed by now ongoing fecal incontinence, which is just horrendous. She is not demented--truly. She just can't face the fact that she is getting old and needs help. She lives in a big apt building and has to ring people up. The apt gets increasingly filthy and then she stops letter her cleaning lady or me or her friend come over because she's ashamed of the mess (takeout food, Depends, newspapers). Over the summer she had to go to the hospital for a fractured vertebra and I went in and cleaned everything up. The place was a DISASTER. Anyway, I anonymously called APS and my mom freaked out. She wouldn't let them come up but made an appt for the woman to come back. She had the place cleaned by her cleaning lady, let the social worker up and since everything looked just fine, the case was closed. Now it's been weeks and I'm sure it's back to being a disaster. I don't know what to do. It's scaring me. I sob about it every day, terrified of what's going to happen next. She has made numerous appt with a gastroenterologist to deal with the incontinence, but then cancels over and over again. Same with her cancer doctors. She makes appts and then doesn't go. She needs help getting to appts, but won't accept any. I'm LOSING it.