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Well, I just informed everyone if they bring the old man home from the facility...im gone if they do not hire care. After speaking with my mother, i told them what she said..hospice is for family to provide care not my responsibility. Over the last 45 minutes, ive been called every name in the book, so i guess battle lines are drawn.

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I brought my dad home after a stroke and with dementia ...just about caused a divorce and was not good for my boys , i had to provide 24 hr care. It was so hard i will never offer to care for someone again :(
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When my Mom has a messy bowel movement accident, I tried washing her pj bottoms out in the shower, but my weak stomach could not handlevit. Now I just throw the pj bottoms away. Then I go to goodwill and buy pj bottoms for $4
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The problem with aps in michigan is since shes on waiver, they just throw it back to her casemanager to fix. Her hands are tied and we talk all the time.

I composed the letter to reject poa, but need to wait til monday to have it notarized.

I have ignored her all day, rejecting calls. I spent the whole day working and am exhausted but will finish up tomorrow. Of course, none of her family called or came to check on her so maybe she'll get the hint.
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Tacy, you need to resign POA and walk away from this family drama. You are enmeshed and sorry to say it, but you are enabling their denial by picking up the pieces.

Get away for a few weeks, stay with a friend. Tell aps that you have atepped away.

You do not "beg" boyfriend. You tell him what your plans are. Not threatening, not angry. Just "these are my plans, I've informed APS."

And leave.
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Pain in ass. After posting last night, i begged the boyfriend for respite. Waiver has been offering for over a year...its 5 days she can be put in a facility. Im behind on work, its tax season and it would just give me time to focus. The answer is no because deep down they know she wont get out because she cant meet her basic needs. I wrote another email to family last night about my availability which is nonexistent this weekend. I have w2s and 1099s to send out monday. Im auto rejecting all their calls.
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What does pia stand for?
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I have to agree. Causing myself to need steroids -oolala. Tacy- weeping legs is serious. Please call emergency services. If she denies, then at least you tried. And don't "lay down the law" if you can't mean it. That just undermines you to them. Put that DPOA isn't valid UNLESS you act like you have accepted it. If you write letter to them that you do not accept it, it will stand up in court. But it f you do not, and act instead like it "annoys you, but ok," that will stand up in court too.
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And rain.. where do they come from... overnight? One day I am fine,, the next day I have a 1/2 inch hair?
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Thanks - I'll skip the vaginal cream on my face if steroids are the results! God knows I have enough problems with chin hairs since menopause kicked my butt around the block!
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Okay - I've got it! It's brilliant, if I say so myself! Tell your boyfriend and other family members who are in denial about mom, you'd like to make them dinner. Once they are seated serve each person a bowl filled with 26oz of table salt - and a spoon. Tell them Bon Apptite! It's good enough for their perfectly sane mother, right?
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Well so you know vaginal cream on face causes something you need steroids for. Prepararion h does take away dark circles
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This is really bad but everyday i want her to get to the point she cant refuse care because shes too much for me
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Christ! The salt issue alone ought to be enough to get her a nice long stay at Shady Rest! As for the vaginal cream on her face - I HAVE heard that Preporation H is great for crows feet...
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She refuses 911 when they get here. Shes a pia attention seeker and no one understands why i dont care about she does.
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Yes she needs a psych evaluation. The dr called aps on her when she had workers put vaginal cream on her face. But hey she has waiver theyll fix it. She refuses to accept dementia from her parkinsons and hallucinates a people and animals running around the house tricking her. The old man is her poor husband who they want to wait on her hand and foot. He begged me to let him stay at rehab for a few more days. I told him your competent you sign papers. She cannot even get a glass of water herself but she has no problems according to kids. I have a spreadshhet to monitor all her food consumption. Im not even talking about when she drops food in pee and eats it or epson salts or licking her sweat. I dont eat salt personally but she just goes overboard. I told the boyfriend she needs nursing home she says shes competent. Its a daily fight.
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Oops, I meant. .. Chest Pains?
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I'm with Stacy... she may not be a PIA much longer if she keeps that up!
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Chesy oains, legs weeping? I'd call 911!!! This is really bad!
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With all that salt, she'll be lucky she doesn't go into heart failure! Better get her heart and lungs checked, ASAP! As in NOW!
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sorry - my computer has crashed and I am in this little 2 in 1
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Wow. I mean, I like salt probably more than your average person - been known to lick the bottom of the popcorn bowl but 1 1/2 POUNDS of straight table salt??? Am I remembering it right that the family doesn't really think she has an issue? And just so I have it straight - is "the old man" the salt eaters father or husband?
This just got very interesting - no offense.
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she has the skills to live alone?
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oops to see if
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Tacy Does she need a psych evaluation? or an assessment ti see if
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Rainmom- yep u got it. Thats nothing compared to other things she eats.
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The mom ate a 26oz container of straight salt - as in Morton's Salt?!!!
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Ok im going to go on a major rant. The boyfriends mother in a noncompliant pia. Church lady worker bought her salt 3 days ago, she ate the entire 26 oz container last night. Woke up shes complaining of chest pains with her legs weeping and salt container by her feet. She refused to go to er so agency pulled all workers from house. So no help, shes bawling like a baby.i called her dil told her situation, she said oh wee. Then she calls the old lady with her fake voice not knowing shes on speakerphone saying oh i talked to stacy we are fixing it. I went off on a 5 minute profanity laced tirade on her. So i talked the old man into staying in rehab, he signed the papers. The nurse shows up at house and she sits there and lies. He and i told her again go in nursing home or to give me respite. She gets on phone starts telling people im mean and selfish. The nerve. I go see my mom and she starts in on me about antidepressants which dont work because they make me lose too much weight and i was looking like a skeleton.
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Thanks for the advice. I emailed the family last night and reminded their mother was without care and i had other obligations so it was their problem. They let her sit in her own urine for 26 hour. The only thing i did was make her breakfast when i went home to get my computer..then i left. Since the parents are originally from german, i can tell you they are very stubborn. The plan we came up with is to take her mom to casino, then drop her off at a facility for a psych evaluation. Once she gets there, they cant let her leave.
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Tacy - I remember when 40 seemed old. I just turned 54 and feel 30 in my head but 70 in my wary body. I am also a "fixer" made worse by being a "people pleaser" - something I am actively working on overcoming. Not to stereotype but the Germans have always struck me as a no-nonsense type of people so if sister has lived there long enough to absorb some of that, maybe she can truely help your situation. You've probably already thought of this - be sure to write a list of things you'd like addressed and hopefully you can get some time alone with sis to discuss and agree on an action plan that doesn't involve you being the bearer of all the work and responsibility. You seem to be a wonderfully caring individual who right now is being more taken advantage of rather than being treasured. I hope your boyfriend recognizes the jewel he has in you! Having said this I think it would be a good idea for you to have an actionable "plan B" in case things don't work out as hoped with the sisters participation. I imagine you are counting the days until sisters arrival! I've noticed your comments and advice on other threads - you seem to have a good head on your shoulders along with a good grasp of your situation. Be sure to take the advice I often see you give to others - be good to yourself and be sure to take the time to do what you need to do to stay healthy and sane.
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Hope the sister can sort this out. Dialysis and hospice for gpa? What led up to him being in a facility? Reading your profile it sounds like both gpa and gma have very serious heath issues and you are their care giver and it is too much for you - understandably! They probably both need to be in a facility looked after by professionals

Glad you recognise you have a "save the world" mentality. This first step in dealing with a problem is recognizing it. I do think you need to back off. As long as you fill the caregiver role family there will not see the need for anyone else. Hopefully the sister in Germany has more sense.

40 is a milestone, but I am 78 and, believe me, there is a lot of life between 40 and my age. I even had a child after 40. Please don't feel that your life is over and that you have no options. Do what is good for you. Save yourself.
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