I can't say it enough... this site has been a Godsend since I had the task of care giving dropped in my lap.
After fighting outside battles with my Narcissistic father who's been nothing but a bully all his life, fighting with family that doesn't help but only criticizes and dealing with my own inner battle about NOT wanting to be a caregiver (after all...the bible does say honor thy father and mother... HAH!!!), I've reached a breaking point and started to make subtle changes towards doing something for myself.
Between the tough love I've received here and the director of dad's Adult Day Center looking at my face one day and advising me to take care of me, I get it. SO... I've decided to take Daddy back to the Independent Living facility (whether he kicks and screams or not) and limit his Adult Day Care outings to the FREE days offered by the VA.
I realized that no amount of extra that I do will ever be appreciated, and he doesn't NEED a facility, overnight care and adult day care, but I NEED peace of mind, so this is going to be a compromise for the both of us.
I'm still struggling with the decision somewhat, because I promised not to "put him away", and part of me still feels like I'm doing that, but as you all have stated...
I don't want to reach a point where, if he should live another 5 - 10 years, we can attest to what a FULL life he's lived and I will be 45-50 years old with a pile of sacrifices for someone who just bled me dry.
...counting the days until October when I can move him back and slowly start to live my own life.