Hi Everyone, because my husband and his sister delayed getting proper care for their mom with Stage 5 dementia for a year (despite my pleading), she ended up in the hospital last week and is still there. Now they're moving her to a skilled nursing facility for a month. Because of her decline, she's now having trouble eating, recognizing family, and is hallucinating. The issue is that none of us live in L.A. where they live. We're in AZ and my husband's sister is in NJ. For 3 years I've conveyed to them that they need to have a long-term plan for her, and I've done all of the research legwork, connecting them with dementia specialists, physicians, assisted living places, adult daycare, in-home care, etc. Instead, all we've done is drop-in visits once or twice a year, scrambling to get her appointments, her hair washed, her clothes cleaned, etc. I've known this just wasn't sustainable. Two years ago I found 2 assisted living places in L.A. that we all toured and liked, but they have a 3-4 person waiting list now. Last year I found an excellent place 5 minutes from our house in AZ and literally walking distance to a next door hospital. Adult daycare is also 5 minutes away. Now, however, they want her to go into a skilled nursing facility for a month. I understand if she needs some physical therapy, but my ultimate fear is that something will happen and she'll end up staying there. Family won't be there with her regularly, as my husband and sister are leaving, and their dad is 86 and lives an hour away from the facility. I want some good quality time with her while she still remembers me and to have her near us so we can see her a lot. I'm angry and frustrated at them for delaying her care for so long until there's a crisis. I don't know if it's just denial or control, but their mom is paying the price. Sorry to vent. I'm just really upset.
