My younger sister is mom's POA, who just ordered facility to NOT ALLOW ME TO SPEAK TO MOM!

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Do I have legal right to VISIT mom @ Asst Lvng? Always had a great relationship with mom, and I have text or spoken to mom daily, since her shunt surgery for water on the brain (March 2017) knowing her short term memory has been diminished... I feel my sister has been taking advantage of her diminished capacity, and convinced mom to become sole POA, then informed me after the fact last October 2016. Since then, it's been a strained relationship between my sister and I to say the least, and I have not had contact with my sister since AFTER mom's surgery in March 2017. POA has always withheld all names of doctor's, caregivers & the attorney... until I received this letter yesterday, which of course names the attorney & firm she selected to draft all of "mom's wishes", so she says.
Yesterday, I received a letter from mom's attorney (directed by my sister/ POA) that stated mom's home, its contents, and her car have been SOLD 2 days prior. Need to get the few items out today by 6pm or forfeit all my rights.
Blindsided & devastated, immediately I called the lawyer, since not being informed by my sister, and the worst news... IT WAS ALL AUCTIONED OFF FOR PENNIES ON THE DOLLAR. DONE DEAL, supposedly to pay Assisted Living Facility. So sick to my stomach, as I do not feel this was IN MOM'S BEST INTEREST, and find my sister's actions EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUS, needing to sell out everything in a single day.


Unless someone who is an attorney on this site would be willing to provide you with free legal advice, you are going to have to consult one. The laws are tangled and complicated, and even if someone has been through this could give advice only according to their own situation.
Your mother has a legal right to see you if she wants to, and to call you if she wants to. Your sister's power of attorney does not give her the authority to select approved visitors or restrict her communications. Having said that, your sister is the facility's main contact and they wish to maintain a good relationship with her so they will tend to take her instructions, especially if they are intended to benefit your mother by - for example - preventing her from being upset. You won't get anywhere by being combative: fighting is manifestly not conducive to good elder care.

You text or call daily: is your mother still able to cope well with phones? When did you last visit her? What has been your involvement in her care?

The thing is, what exactly do you want to contest? And what is your better idea for managing your mother's property and paying for her care? Was property of yours mistakenly sold along with the house contents?
Thank you Hugemom for your comment, it's been a much tangled web of secrets beginning with my sister a narcissistic POA at the helm.  Constantly withholding answers to questions I ask, even refusing to (authorize a HIPPA) when mom told her she wants me to have knowledge of her medical info.
If your mother wishes to allow you access to her confidential medical information, then your mother can tell her doctors and nursing staff that she wishes you to be kept informed.
Thank you Countrymouse,
I'm new to this. Maybe I should've started by sharing a short novel of all the insanely ridiculous antics pulled off by my sister over the most recent couple years. She is a master at manipulative persuasion, picking Mom up and driving her to Chicago to babysit her young grandson (Summer 2015), telling me Mom's just enjoying extended visits, then not bringing Mom back home (not even for Christmas 2015), basically holding Mom hostage off & on (throughout 2015-2016), not to mention withholding Mom's health condition (developing during 2015) while secretly seeking medical appts for diagnosis & tests (Spring & Summer 2016) ... Moreover, my sister was not answering my calls & texts or questions about what was going on, and has long been a ruthless narcissist with whom you cannot carry on a normal conversation with!

Keeping all the medical appointments regarding Mom's health A SECRET FROM ME, until securing herself as POA over Mom's medical, financial & real estate to HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OF EVERYTHING, was maddening. Asking all the questions one would want to know, but my sister refused to give the names of the doctors, the attorney, etc. I asked Mom, but she couldn't remember any of them. I have always had an intuition something was not right, but didn't want to lose contact with Mom, so I conceded, without getting any answers, and just got along, so not to be cut off from all contact. Having always lived 20 minutes from Mom, and now she was over 2 hours away in Michigan with my sister, as of June 2016, this separation has been beyond heartbreaking to me and my family, as we have 3 boys involved in multiple sports. Mom used to enjoy attending and cheering for all of them, we really miss that.

(October 11, 2016) My sister finally called to tell me that Mom had been diagnosed earlier that summer with (Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus) "water on the brain", and ONLY SHUNT SURGERY CAN HELP CORRECT! Then proceeded to tell me Mom assigned her as POA, "the DAY AFTER the PAPERS WERE ALREADY SIGNED" and refused to tell me the name of the firm or attorney who represents Mom! That's when the REAL shenanigans began! My sister withheld the name of the doctor(s)/neurosurgeon treating Mom, and said Mom did not want me included in the POA, because I still talked to my Dad, (they've been divorced 20+ yrs), did not want him made aware of any of her medical conditions~ assuming I would tell him? She stated she was following Mom's wishes, but would NOT let me speak to her on that day, saying Mom does not want to talk to me! Can't believe that.

So, 3 days later drove up to see Mom at my sisters home with Dad & my stepmom, as my back up. I was emotionally a mess inside, but remained calm, and gave Mom a big long overdue hug. We cried. Asked Mom directly if she was comfortable signing a HIPPA to allow me access to her medical info, just so I'm "in the know". She said yes, of course, I want you to know everything, in front of witnesses. My sister snidely sat there and said OK, you can know everything now. But no papers were signed by anyone that day. I was under the impression my sister was taking care of what was agreed by Mom.

Thought about calling APS, but still so emotional, an unsure I had grounds to make a report. Moving forward again, I didn't want to cause any trouble, so I buried my intuition and just simply kept in contact via text and phone calls with Mom. Whenever Mom was able to talk without my sister right there in the room, she would call me. But many times when I would call her... in the background, my sister was manipulating our conversations/listening in and correcting Mom every chance she could, telling Mom she wasn't telling the truth and explaining over her that things were not as she described to me. So after months of this difficult situation, I was still only being told "on a need to know basis" a little bit of the results of the medial appts and pre-op testing and retesting. Still no HIPPA was ever signed by my sister allowing me to know any medical info.

I discovered over the months, shockingly, under my sister's care, Mom had fallen in the shower, was rushed to ER, thankfully not hurt, but they had discovered a huge abcess/cyst (walnut sized) in the crease of her breast, caused by not washing, and it needed lanced & stitched up, setting her back months until the infection cleared before surgery. Mom then caught Laryngitis, and I couldn't speak for well over a week, which again prolonged the critically necessary surgery, until she was healthy. MY SISTER WAS NOT THE BEST FIT TO BE MOM'S CAREGIVER, AND MOM WAS NOT HAPPY.

Finally I begged my sister that she include me on all of Mom's doctor's appointments & pre-op tests leading up to and including her surgery date. NOT A SINGLE APPOINTMENT was ever told to me giving me time to attend. She would call me in the car while they were on their way to Grand Rapids, far too late for me to attend. Same with her Surgery ~ (March 2017) ~ I was called late night on Sunday, that the neurosurgeon had a called her with a cancellation and that Mom was having surgery the Monday at 12noon. RIDICULOUS. Of course, I WAS NEVER INFORMED IN A TIMELY MANNER ON ANY APPOINTMENT MOM HAD, because my sister NEVER WANTED ME TO BE AT ANYTHING, AS I MIGHT GAIN SOME INFO? Starting to see a pattern here??

The morning of surgery (March 2017), I talked to Mom, and she told me my sister was driving her to the hospital! But I wasn't told the address when I texted my sister, nor her recovery room # ~ so then I called a few hospitals in Grand Rapids area, asking if my Mom was admitted and luckily found her and they transferred me to her room! My sister answered and I did get to speak to Mom, to tell her I love her, and then that was the last time I've had any contact with my sister.
Since then, I visited her on Mother's day and attempted another time, but was told she was gone for follow up tests, so I maintain constant contact through text and phone calls with Mom DAILY!!!

A few weeks back, Mom told me she had to paid $15K for a new roof on her house! I said WHAT??? WHY??? She said the guy that mows the grass noticed a hole in the roof and called my sister to tell her, so she approved this new roof to be put on the house and garage... this all happened roughly a month ago. I asked Mom if she was selling her house and she emphatically said NO!! She understands she is not be able to live alone right now, but hopeful her memory improves. I was told that her home would stay put until it was absolutely necessary to sell, only to keep Mom's living expenses paid. AGAIN, I AM NOT BEING INFORMED WHEN POA MAKES ANY DECISIONS...
Since I've tried asking and have never been privy to know ANYTHING MEDICAL OR FINANCIAL, didn't ask again, as the roof job was already completed, as I drove to Mom's to see it myself.

Then yesterday, I got a letter from the attorney that represents Mom and my sister as POA.
This was an Overnight Delivery: "Gifts from Mom" ~ This letter informed me that her home & its contents and car had all been sold. I needed to pick up the said items (trash can, ladder, workbench, pie plate & silverware) by the next day at 6pm or forfeit my rights to anything. Guess the Passive Aggressive Narcissist scripted that part! What mother gifts their daughter a trash can?

So I called Mom IN COMPLETE DISBELIEF and told her I received this letter just now...
I found out a few details that were "public info" by calling the real estate agent listed in the letter, as I was instructed to do. Her home sold for well under market value estimate by nearly $30K, which sickened me, knowing she DID NOT GET TOP DOLLAR, AS SHE EASILY COULD HAVE!! Her place had always been meticulously maintained, I lived with her before I was married, and later my family lived with her for a few months while we built our home.

I was so upset to hear Mom say she didn't know, and claimed she was not told by my sister, and then she began to get really upset, and started yelling out "NOOOOOO!!!!! It's not true!!!!! I can't believe it, it can't be!!!!!!" Said she now she has "no respect for my sister", and had to go collect herself ~ as someone from the facility walked into her room, and I totally apologized all over the place to Mom and honestly thought she knew, just didn't remember to tell me?!
How can this letter state that it's "written on your mom's behalf", and she not be informed???? So I sent Mom a copy of it via text message as she asked, then let her go... I felt so incredibly awful, especially to hear she was so upset that all of her worldly possessions had been stripped away and sold for pennies on the dollar, nothing near compared to the value they could have brought her through a true real estate agent (MARKETING HER HOME SALE PROPERLY)!!!

THEN THIS MORNING I WAS BLOCKED BY THE ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY STAFF FROM TALKING TO MOM... They gave me the run around, since I said I couldn't reach her on her cell, then hung up on me, after they asked my name and saw my caller ID, I'm sure it was because she was upset, but that was not my intention, at all!!!! I wanted to visit her today to console her, because after we were horribly shocked by this letter yesterday. But I was given the run around every time I called back, then was told I cannot talk to Mom until I call "Head of Staff" or my sister... THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW, SO I MADE MY LAST CALL ~ TO APS!

IN CONCLUSION, my apologies for taking forever today to finish writhing this...
The investigator was also getting the run around when she attempted to call my Mom!!
I do not care about the things that were mine that sold, it's just stuff. This whole scenario has never been about money or inheritance for me, just wish I would have thought to discuss these important elderly arrangement/issues with Mom, before my sister swooped in and took the reigns, I know I would have most definitely included her, before final decisions were made.

Thanks for letting me vent and share. Not sure if I'm going to file for Guardianship, (because Mom has been settled in her living facility since February 2017) and I don't know that changing it would be easy for her) even if it means being closer to all her family here.... such a difficult situation made worse than it needed to be by a power hungry (fill in the blank) narcissist. EXPLOITING YOUR OWN MOTHER IS BEYOND WRONG.
#NeverSawThisComing but I do believe in Karma

The ALF has complied with your sister's instruction to bar you from contact with your mother because you have been upsetting her. I appreciate that this was in no way your intention, but that's not the point. Upset, she was. With the benefit of hindsight I'm sure you'll see that it would have been better to keep her out of the conflict altogether and tackle the issues through other channels. You could, for example, have written to her doctor and asked the doctor to confirm your HIPPA approval with your mother.

It is a very good thing that you have referred this to APS, and I hope your sister chooses to co-operate with their investigation.

I do completely sympathise with the frustration and heartbreak of wishing you had known before what you know now about powers of attorney and estate planning and care planning and all the rest of it - been there, got the scars, no longer in contact with my three siblings. It's horrible. Take deep breaths, eyes on the prize (happy mother!), see how it goes. Having guardianship, btw, wouldn't necessarily have to mean moving your mother from her current place if she's doing well there; and you're right that change would be rough on her now. Or at least, for now - how is she doing in herself?
Hope you mom is doing better.
If Mom needs Medicaid in next five years there may be a problem because house was sold below market value. But then that will be sisters problem. Power of Attorn can sell the house and car. Praying that APS sees thru all this but be ready to take on a lot of responsibility. Moms problem will only get worse.
Thank you all for your kind and honest words, Countrymouse, BarbBrooklynm and JoAnn29.. Sorry for the silence, I've been trying to keep my emotions a bay, and just keep Mom in a good mood when I talk and text her daily. I continue to regret telling her, (but how could I NOT?), because she is so devastated now that she knows, and has been texting me asking to help her with what possessions she held dear (her jewelry box, wedding ring, hidden cash, her Will, and the bonds for her 3 grandsons that she hid inside the hutch) so I have to just calm her and say not to worry, they are just material things, and we still have each other.

JoAnn29, I'm pretty certain Mom will be out of money well within the next 5 years , as she is at a facility costing her $7K+ monthly. Not sure what happens to her then?? She has told me she does NOT want to live with my sister again... (as she did previous to her shunt surgery).
Typically what will Medicaid do about the sale of a home being under market value?

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