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My mother has just passed away in Hospice after a long battle with Dementia. She had been living in a nursing home after moving from Asst Si. Many years ago my brother in law cursed and threw my mother out of their home and the relationship was almost non existent since. My sister of late had been "visiting" my mom occasionally (she had moved to my State 3 years ago at my request) after being almost totally alone for many many years. My sister is very money oriented and has hinted many times about "splitting whatever money is left" I recently read her will in which she stated that EVERYTHING she had was to go to me and and specified that nothing was to go to her Grandson (my sisters son) who did not invite her to his wedding and has seen hardly ever seen her. There is very little money left as I was preparing to apply for Medicaid in the next few months. I called my sister to tell her that she was in Hospice and dying--she told me she had the flu and didn't want to infect anyone. Then she proceed to go on vacation for a week because "she couldn't afford to loose the money. To top that off--Her son (adult who works))(whom I give a lot of credit to for coming) his wife (whom my mother never met) and their son age 7 -whom my mother had never met. are coming for the funeral......She paid for all their flights and has be "hinting that I should repay her with mom's money.
Here is the question: My husband and I have decided to not repay her for the flights as our adult children(who both work) are paying their own way and are a refusing to take any money from us (they spent a lot of time with Grandma. And------We decided that whatever monies are left should go evenly divided only to the 3 grandchildren (including her son--as he was a child when this argument happened).. I know that she will be "pissed off" which is not the intention.....Opinions would be appreciated

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TreadingWater,

I think I understand that you and your husband are trying to put an end to the family strife in hopes that relationships can move forward. Money is a tricky subject. Your plan could work, unless your sister has a problem with the math- does that work out to 2/3 to your children and 1/3 to her son?

Do what makes you feel will be easiest for you to live with going forward. If sister is determined to be unhappy, she will be unhappy. Maybe she will be like you and will help establish peace between everyone in the family.

Personally, I like to keep my hands and conscience clean. I would do what makes me feel right with the situation.
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Anyone can contest a will, if they have they money for an attny. The sad part with family and a will or assets, is that it will either unite the family with strong bonds or distroy what their once was. Good luck to you.
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Meanwhile, you can't wait a year to decide about paying transportation costs to the funeral. I say No. Your sister is asking you to receive less of an inheritance. Maybe a year from now you'll want to share. For now, nobody who isn't named in the will gets anything.

Does your sister realize that she is isn't asking you for "mom's money" -- she is asking for you to pay for the flights?
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I agree with everything that has been said. Take that year and at the end do something with it for you. That is what Mom wanted. It sounds like Mom specified that NOTHING was to go to the one grandson. Hopefully she mentioned your other siblings or left $1 to any and all or, I believe, they can contest the will. If they contest that could cause more hard feelings and problems. Consult a lawyerto make sure you are not blind sided by contention down the line.
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I agree that waiting a year to clear up any remaining items that come up and believe me they will. Take time to greive and Honor your mother. She choose you because she could trust you to follow her requests. Please listen to what she asked of you.
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I totally understand why you want to keep peace with your sister. I also understand that your mother wrote the will and your sister should be mad at mom, not you. Your mom had reasons for wording her will as she did, namely being ill treated. Think how your mom would feel whatever decision you choose. I like your idea of giving money, if there is any left, to the grand kids BUT what would your mother think about it?
I sure hope my family honors my will or why did I even write it?
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I would like to clarify something. I am hoping in an effort to keep peace that my sister nor I will receive anything other than her possessions (which we will go through together at some point) In this way I am honoring her will but hopefully keeping the peace with my sister. Do You all see it that way ? or will it make MORE hard feelings?
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I am so sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry that whatever little money there is left is causing such a problem. While it would be tempting to "do what the will says" it is also important to think about how you would like to see your relationship with you sister and your nephew procede as time goes by. I agree with the suggestion to wait a year and see what you think and feel at that point. Your grief is too new, and while it seem you have several valid reasons to be angry you may ( or may not) feel differently down the road.

Your mother left it to you; it is your gift. If you choose, at some later date to share that gift with your sister or your nephew that is your choice.
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Ditto. Honor your Mother's wishes and fulfill her will. Don't second guess her or yourself.
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Take the time to grieve. All the other issues (will, probate, estate) can wait a bit. In the end, after careful consideration, you'll be able to make better decisions. For me, I'd honor my Mother... even unto death. If she didn't want to give her money to people that ill-treated her... I wouldn't do it. She had a will. Honor it. Again, take time to grieve first.
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If there were a million dollars left, what would you do?
Are you OK with never seeing your sister again?
The poster who said "wait a year" probably had the best advice.
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I'm sorry you just lost your mother. You must honor the will. If your sister is pissed off, too bad. She wasn't named in the will...end of story. If your kids are paying for their plane tickets then sister's kid can too.
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I totally agree with the above comments. You should honor your mom's wishes and keep the money yourself. I am in a similiar situation where my mother-in-law has "written out" some of her children and only included a few. She was of right mind then and meant it. Your nephew does not deserve any of this as it sounds like he only came to see his grandmother out of guilt before she passes. And if your sister's kid needs help, she can help him. Your mother wasn't invited to the wedding - so why would she want to help him come to her funeral? Your mother wanted to show you how much she appreciated your love and assistance - so please keep it.
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I agree that you should honor your mother's will. Do not give them money for a trip to a funeral!
I would tell Angry Sister simply that it will be many months for the will to go through probate; delay her pissed-off-ness with that. Keep the money for a year as any leftover financial predicaments get resolved, then decide on a nice summer's day in 2014, when this is not so raw, what you want to do. It's a gift to you. If I gave you a gift, I wouldn't want you to hand it to someone else before savoring the love that was behind it.
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Please honor your mother's will. She left money to you and none to your sister. There was a reason for that.
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