You cannot force siblings to step in and help pay for anything. Heck, I couldn't get my brother to toss me $40 for mother's Christmas gift. Every single year, he has never paid me back for anything, ever.
It's actually not even your responsibility--but if you want to help out, do so, but don't put your sibs in a position where they have to financially help out.
And also--what about siblings' other family, if they are married? Should I expect my DH to kick in $500 a month for MY mother and not do the same for HIS?
The only problem with going on Medicaid is, your mother will probably have to move out of the assisted living facility. Medicaid in your state uses a waiver program and covers the cost of certain SERVICES in AL, they won’t cover the full cost or the room & board portion.
None of your siblings are under any obligation to contribute care, either financial or hands-on. I'm sorry...this is not a fair expectation of them, and not a fair expectation from their mother (if this is the case). As the other 2 commenters below mentioned, it is probably time for your mom to apply for Medicaid. Medicaid will consider her medical debt as well. If she qualifies, and if no one else is a co-signer on her credit cards or loans, she can pretty much forget about paying those debts and the creditors will most likely give up trying to collect. That's what happened with my in-laws. When bank was informed of their dementia and NH placement their house went info foreclosure and the bankers never bothered them again. Nor did the cc debt collection companies (and my in-laws owed tens of thousands).
So sorry about your situation. I am a bit confused. You say that your in town brother goes to see mom but isn’t aware of what is going on? May I ask why he isn’t aware? Have neither you or mom ever discussed anything with him? Tell your brother and sister the situation if you want them to know. That doesn’t mean they will pick up the financial slack though.
Is your mom out of money? Is it time for her to inquire about Medicaid and switch over to a nursing home? Many people have to do this is funds run low.
sng, sorry you are going through all of this. I see from your profile that your Mom is living in Assisted Living. May I ask if she is self-pay or is Medicaid paying for her room/board and care?
I see there there are credit card debt for Mom's care. This is your Mom's responsibility, not the responsibility of the grown children. I realize that there are items that Mom needs that the Assisted Living does not give her, thus that tells me she is self-pay, correct?
If yes, maybe it is time to have Mom apply and be accepted by Medicaid which will pay for some for these costs.
It's actually not even your responsibility--but if you want to help out, do so, but don't put your sibs in a position where they have to financially help out.
And also--what about siblings' other family, if they are married? Should I expect my DH to kick in $500 a month for MY mother and not do the same for HIS?
Is your mom out of money? Is it time for her to inquire about Medicaid and switch over to a nursing home? Many people have to do this is funds run low.
Best wishes to you and your mother.
I see there there are credit card debt for Mom's care. This is your Mom's responsibility, not the responsibility of the grown children. I realize that there are items that Mom needs that the Assisted Living does not give her, thus that tells me she is self-pay, correct?
If yes, maybe it is time to have Mom apply and be accepted by Medicaid which will pay for some for these costs.