Siblings have now gone back after been here for a few days. (felt like years) We had a meeting and my sister was lucky I didnt punch her she wanted POA as shes more organised?? thankfully my brother stuck up for me and said if im going to look after her then I get POA jointly with my other brother as we live here.

My other brother who lives here really annoyed me considering he does nothing to help here or care for my mum AMAZING that noone cares or askes about mum and her care BUT they ALL come running when POA is mentioned. He didnt seem to want me to have it even though i am the one who has mums bankers card and pay her bills.
I really felt like screaming at them as they all do nothing towards her care. My sister thinks meeting her mates and spending little time with mum and avoiding her mess in the bathroom is caring??
Shes now decided to come home every six weeks AND DO WHAT?

I am now wondering if maybe mum is better in a NH so I dont have to deal with these assholes ever again?

I want to move away and mum comes with me as there is noone here to look after her and she cant be alone now.

If we move together and my mum pays half the rent then my sister is entitled to visit when she feels like it and the only way i can get a break is to leave my place?
I am thinking now that maybe I pay full rent then its my place and if sister visits then she cant stay in my home and can stay in a hotel nearby I dont want her around me anymore as she makes me so angry.

I am so angry at my sisters and brothers reaction to me and not a word of thanks for looking after THEIR mother?

the bottom line is i want to look after my mum but dont think I can do this if my siblings think they can visit and upset me everytime if im paying even half rent I dont think its fair that I move out everytime they visit?

Ive tried to talk to mum but shes in lala land and dosnt register what youre trying to say am really so frustrated I have chest pains since siblings left and my sister is coming home again in a months time.

She such a selfish b that I cant have her near me she flits in and out and does nothing except wash a few dishes.
I asked her to make sure mum eats a balanced meal she didnt bother and cooked my mum "mushrooms on toast" as she couldnt have been bothered to cook her a decent meal???????????

Im so angry and think maybe mum in a NH would be less stress than having my siblings forced on me when I dont want them around?

I am trying to get hold of a social worker and ask her for help. I think my sister needs a bloody good talking to.

Its so hard to be civil to her for mums sake when inside you want to scream at her.

My sister has lots of money and knows ive nothing she asked me why I didnt go off somewhere to have a break i just wanted to thump her go away with WHAT?? shes such a cow.

I am going to try and talk to mums lawyer and ask her to try and explain to mum what caring IS? but these lawyers only listen to their clients.

Sorry to rant but I think im on the verge of walking away from all of this my mum isnt the issue my siblings are.

Maybe if I rent in my name only then I have rights as to who visits but then mum will be angry.

Any advice would be appreciated! Im sitting here wondering how the hell I ended up here fighting this huge BATTLE on my own?

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Yes blannie we have that here but mum also has diabetes and she is not taking her meds properly which is very dangerous also alot of assisted living do not accept dementia patients. Mum is slowly deteriorating every week her walking is so slow that she may not even be able to walk next year?
My aunt thinks AL would be perfect for her but my mum has refused this I know when mum realises she will be on her own here she will agree to come with me or if not then its a NH.
I may as well bite the bullet and when my sister comes to visit just not be here I have one or 2 friends but dont like to impose for too long.
I have almost paid my debt collector back a loan so i think I will get anothe loan and take myself off when my sister arrives next time? If it wasnt for my cat to worry about I could go and stay with friends but my sister couldnt careless about him. (you should see her dating profile LOVES ANIMALS???????)

Its an awful thing to say or even think about but I long for the day when i have peace and never have to be around these siblings ever again. I just dont have it in me to be so heartless towards someone who is caring fulltime for their mum while they all get on with their lives? Looking after mum is a pleasure compared to having them around causing nothing but stress. I think their anger towards me is to justify their own guilt? After mums funeral I will walk away from this with some peace and may god forgive them!
Thanks for all the advice its so hard a big catch 22 damned if I do or dont. I wish there was just some selfishness in me to walk away and let my siblings sort out mums care but I know im here for a reason i had an accident which kept me here then my appendix burst still here I have to believe that things will work out for me as they were meant to be and that I will be happy after ive finished this journey? So fed up and just wish there was some good news heading my way!

Kazaa, my mom has all of her faculties, but lives in what we call Independent Living in the States. I do a lot of care for her, but she has her own little 1 bedroom "apartment" with her own little living room and bathroom. She's still able to heat up a meal (that I have brought over) and take her own shower etc. She can meet with other people in her age range and do activities or go on outings (which she doesn't want to do). If she developed dementia, she could move to another section of the same facility where they would give her more care where she's kept safe in an area with more security (you have to put in a code to leave or go in). So she's not in a nursing home like I think you're imagining. Do they have anything like that where you are? Your mom could get as much help as she needed, but still be as independent as she wanted to be. And could have activities with others in her same situation. And when she needed more care, she could move to a place with more care.

Heres my problem I am waiting for money to come from an accident. I can no longer stay here in this town as I hate it. The only person living here in this country and capable of taking care of mum is me? My brother may fix a few things in the house BUT never does any caring ALSO he has a wife who is barred from our house for stealing from mum.
When my money comes mum has no choice but to move with me to where I want to live or a NH theres no other way.

My mum is early stages so it wouldnt be right to put her in a home yet? she is not that far gone. I want to take care of her until she is ready for a home and she would be less aware of whats happening?

Blannie is right I think I should move with mum but have a good look around for a NH near me its got to a stage although im busting my butt to do whats right my siblings are causing me too much stress its not the same as other peoples issues that family dont visit its that mine do as its mums house i have no say in who comes or for how long im hoping at least if I rent my place that i will be the one who decides this now. My siblings visit alot to see mum BUT DO NOTHING sit around and act like nothings wrong.

I will try and calm down and talk to a social worker things cannot go on like this ive been sick for a week now with stress. Already they are talking about xmas and i really dont want them around me.

I just hope that I have this money by then so I can say nothing and just disappear for xmas just so for once they can see just how hard it is to look after mum?

My brother who lives abroad backs me up when the other two talk down to me but HE even annoyed me here as hes lazy and STILL im cooking and washing its not that he does nothing if I ask him its HAVING TO ASK they just drain the life out of me!

I can honestly say that when this journey ends and after mums gone i never want to see my siblings again.

They left yesterday and im ill with anger AGAIN ive been taken for a mug and AGAIN nothing done!

Funny, everyone wants POA, but POA is not and should not be about power, it should be about doing the best for mum. POA is about making tough decisions so the person doing the work should have POA, Hence the decision making authority.

Do not look to lock out the sibs, they may be dysfunctional, but it would be very hurtful if your mom had to experience this loss at a stage in her life that is defined by loss. The elderly have a very merciful way of not acknowledging how uninvolved the other kids are. I am sure that is very hurtful to you, but try to address this without involving mum.

Can you write a letter to your sibs and advise you will not be present when they visit next, dealing with mum on their own may give them an appreciation, maybe you can stay with a friend for a few days. You need a mental and physical getaway, they need a dose or reality.

Best wishes to you


Can you move where you want (I think you moved from your original home) and bring mom with you and put her in a facility nearby so she has good care and you can live your life? You can still see her as much as you like and your siblings can visit her and not have to stay with you. Would that be an option you could consider? With your mom's dementia, she's going to need outside care eventually. Better to do it now while she can adjust than when she's farther along and it will be harder on her.

Sorry I forgot to mention that we did eventually agree on myself and my brother getting POA after a few nasty comments!
I do understand you when you say walk away but I care too much for my mum to just leave her to them they wont care for her and if anything happened to her id feel guilty.

I am going to try and talk to mums doctor OR someone in authority to try and talk to mum and make her realise that everything im doing is for her best interest and welfare.
Surely there has to be some help out there for me?

Walking away is not an option I want to care for mum until its time for a home BUT want nothing to do with siblings they visit mum but not on my property?

thanks for your advice BUT its too easy for people to say walk away me walking away is noone here to look after her and I couldnt do that to my mum.

Tell them you are going to walk off and let who wants POA have it. It isn't worth the trouble. Its your life you are giving up.

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