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I have tried for 10 years to get my brother and sister to help with my mother who is very physically disabled. In the past 3 years, it has gotten much worse, and they seem unaffected. She has almost died many times, and I have been the only one there for her. I have always helped with her shopping, cleaning, etc. Recently, she had a very serious neck injury (chronic spinal cord compression) which made her mobility almost zero, and she became incontinent. I changed her diapers, fed her, did laundry, shopping, held her when she cried, everything. All I asked my brother and sister to do was to call her 1 or 2 times per week to keep her spirits up... they could not even manage to do that! She had the surgery, almost died, but did make it through. She is slowly getting a little better, but has been in a nursing home for quite some time. I am moving her to assisted living near me when she gets out. I have asked my brother and sister to help me many times with cleaning out and moving her apartment items. They continue to ignore my emails, texts and phone calls, or make amazing excuses. I have fully given up on my brother and sister to help physically, and really need them to help financially. I keep asking for help, but they keep avoiding me. My new plan is to do everything, and to start keeping receipts and billing them for each and every thing I pay out for my mother. I am tempted to start billing them for a portion of my caregiving hours just to prove a point to them. I have started keeping a log of exactly what I do, and how many hours I help her because I am not sure they know exactly how much I do for her.
I truly hate my brother and sister, and when my mother passes, I am going to let them know just how much I hate them. I am only being nice to them out of consideration for my mother at this point. I can't wait to tell them how much I hate them for putting me through 10 years of ABSOLUTE HELL.

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Hello,
I am reading this to see how common the situation with siblings not helping is. I do feel a bit better seeing it’s not just my family! I am one of 9 and have been caring for my mother for over 2 years ( she moved in with me and my husband)
The first year we had a revolving door and our weekends weren’t our own. As people came they would ask “ what can I do? Do you need help.” We have asked for help in different ways and noticed the visiting got less and less! After many suggestions and attempts I had a family meeting ( did not go well) it seems my husband and I are vilified for having Mom and because we asked for help, 2 won’t even come to my house to visit or take her out ,and 2 others condone this by letting them know when she is at their homes so they can visit Mom there! Thank God I have a few good ones I can count on , but because my mother is living with us most falls on us .
I have a very hard time understanding how they think! She raised all of us, and if it was one of them she was living with I would be so thankful and appreciative! I certainly would never abandon them or my mother and do all I could to help.
I thank God for my husband who is truly my better half❤️
He has done more for my mother then any of my siblings in the past 2 years! And when I am feeling down and hurt by them he makes me realize they aren’t worth the space they take up . He keeps me grounded by asking me to remember “ who are you doing this for?”
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its 5 yrs since u posted.
Im in same boat. I had a top job while my sister was not working for several yrs. She was staying at my mums house. As my mum alz was declining she refused to assist. I hired helpers but she would bully and boss them around and sometimes fire them. One day my mum called me in office and told me sister left to airport and shes alone. i asked where helper was. she said sister fired her weeks ago. i was forced to quit my job. Im my mum care giver for 6 yrs in her home, while my sister galvants on vacation to europe. she shows up without warning then leaves with a few hours notice. im soooo disgusted by her BS. My life is hell, my extended family stopped calling few yrs back because wen they invited me to a event party i told them it was too dificult with my mum in wheelchair, since then everyone has turned their backs. if i try to call them, its an answer machine and sometimes its a call back 3 weeks later type thing. im so upset that i have gone thru life giving, attending, supporting and caring for my siblings and extended family and now that im desperate for help no one gives a damn.
i just dont understand my family.
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I have an elderly neighbor who has Parkinson's. She is 85 and her three sons are in their late 50's to 60. One son who has not worked and lives close by, in fact for free in a home that is her's, has the job of caring for his mother. One of the brothers lives thousands of miles away and the other about 100 miles away. Both work. Both are responsible to their jobs, their bosses etc and cannot just take off anytime to care for their mother. The oldest son who cares for her is very bitter. The history is that she has always done for her children. She's helped them buy their homes, bailed them out of problems etc. Oldest son does not see that what she has done for him is anywhere near what she has done for his brothers. He expects to receive the property he is living in and the other house on the property for his inheritance. The other brothers don't believe that is fair. In my friend's heart she wants to take care of the oldest son (bum), because he has no income, no social security, no retirement and the other two do. What a dilemma. Her heart loves them all and wants to still take care of them all. A mother's heart always wants to care for her children. They quarrel and get quite ugly around her when they are together. She cries about them. She worries that they will hate each other and not have anything to do with one another when she passes. Which is probably true. I try to console her and tell her she can't worry about that. She is pretty frail and has trouble talking. Oldest son is so negative and accusatory. Even about her and to her. He helped when his dad was dying and when her second husband was dying, but she was able to do a lot more then and he didn't have to do much. Now he is confined to her home to be there with her. For sure he needs a break and the youngest is coming for a stay so he can. Even still it's never enough. He's a very negative person. His entire family seem to almost walk on eggshells because of him. Yes, maybe the brothers could do more, but he also needs to be more understanding of their obligations and that he doesn't work and his mother feeds him and houses him. Such a quagmire.
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Im so sorry for what you guys are going through. I just started taking care of my mom along with her granddaughter whom she raised and had better sense and im hurt that many family members whom she took care of, open her doors and home for, fed them, raised them are now not offering even when i asked not helping. My brother who lives not far from my mom the one who told me and has always told me we need to take mom to your house or mine to live when she was not so ill, is now making all these excuses not to care for her. I have a family and have been leaving my daughter with her brother to go over and sleep over my moms cause she doesnt want to leave her house and i have a full time job. I heard of family behaving like this but said no not my family, and here i am in the same boat. Im so hurt. But i can rest assure when my mom passes my conscience will be clear, but theirs wont. I found this program called freedomcare where family members or friend can take care of family and get paid for it, so her granddaughter can get paid for it. I feel so bad in my heart that she stays some nights and very grateful for that even though she expressed to me that she feels children and not any other members of the family should care for their ill parents. And in one part i know shes right but her brother n sister have smooched off my mother for years and her brother still lives at my moms and offers no help or money. I feel that all family should help especially her children of course and the ones that she took care off like her grandchildren whom by the way dont work and have been and still are smooching off her. Just needed to vent. Thank you in advance for your opinions or advice.
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This is a personal choice you have taken upon yourself as a good daughter, but you cant hold others to your same "MORAL VIRTUES" its obvious that they don't have or didn't have the same relationship you had with your mother. I'm in the same boat as you Its been four years I've been taking care of a fully disabled Mother, I had to give up my business my wife passed two years ago and i was going to travel the world when I got a call to come home Mom was sick i was in Spain, I flew home been here ever seance.
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I am the youngest of 5. I grew up adoring my siblings. After seeing how they ignore my Mom, even on her birthday and The holidays, I have lost all respect for them. It hurts her feelings and I'm tired of making excuses for them to her. I always knew I would be Mom's caregiver and I am greatful I can help her. I just can't seem to let this go, being so disappointed with these selfish people.
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I am so happy that i have found this forum, i dont feel so alone now. about 10 years ago my parents were no longer able to live on their own, I moved myself, my husband and our 3 kids into their home ( the home i grew up in also ) at that time my husband and i loved the home so we purchased it from my mom and dad. my brother made sure it was appraised and that real estate agents and the appraiser gave the same same market value of the home. I bought it for the full market value, my mom then gave us each our piece of the pie. I was the caregeiver for my parents for the last 10 years, my mom went to dialysis every other day and had trouble walking, my dad had early on set dementia. We made it work with the help of in home nurses, my husband was a god sent. 2 of my brothers live in a different province then us so it was hard for them to visit but they called ofent also financially they are in no position to help out. My parents got their pensions and helped out as much as they could, i took care of all the cooking cleaning etc............my one brother however literally lives 10 house doen the same street as us. over the years as my prents conditions worsened his visits and phone call diminished. I found my self arguing with him and his wife about the fact that they do not visit and it makes my mom feel horrible. the last 2 years my moms condition was really bad and my dads dementia got worse. I work a full time job as does my husband and we have 3 kids between the ages of 10 - 15 years old ( now ) to raise. My stress level was high. my mom got teminally ill back in January of this year and was in hospital until she passed away on February 10, i took a leave of absence from work so I could be with her for as many hours as possible during her final weeks. my husband would spend as much time at the hospital with me as he could, helping me move my mom and just keeping us company. My 2 brothers got on the first flight possible to come home and spend time with mom ( it took them about a week to get here ) during this i had at home my 3 kiods and my dad who needed some help with dinners each day. I knew my brother that lives near by emotinally could not handle spending much time with my mom, i asked him for help with our dad and my kids, just making some dinner for them. He said he couldnt help out he was to busy. i made it all work out with the help of some good friends and my neices and nephew. my passed away. As soon as my other 2 brothers arrived they really chipped in with taking turn doing the night shift with my mom at the hospital and cooking meals at my house and caring for my dad. my mom passed away. our family come together at my house the day it happened all of us except the brother that lives down the street. i planned the entire funeral, i paid for the entire funeral, i asked him for some help finacially ( he is well off ) and his wife said she would take to him about ti but she was sure he would help, he did not help at all, i paid for the floral arrangements from his family and for the car that would be driving his family as this is all provided by the funeral home and the cost is all combined, he did not even offer to pay men back for these items. to make a long story short i havent seen him since the day my mom passed away ( almost 2 months ago ) He has a horrible relationship with my dad ( as all of us children do ) so he will not stop by to see him ever. i am still caring for my dad. i find myself filled with hatered and resentment towards him, i need advise on how to get over this.
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I'm sorry Auntiedodo...get this my 50 something ( I've gone no conntact) older brother lived with my mother for 28 yrs, she raised his 2 children that he takes credit for...kept a job maybe 6 mos then out of work for 2yrs...rinse repeat...mom would have me take her to her drs apps and he was upstairs asleep...she would get angry at me...you know because I breathe air and proceed to tell everyone who would listen that I did nothing for her...never came to see her and was a horrible child...he once screamed at her for spending "his" inheritance when she purchased new windows the house desperately needed...she's leaving him the house because I have one and she onced loaned me money that I paid back twice 5 times over not to mention the thousands upon thousands I have loaned her that she conveniently had forgotten about because family doesn't screw over each other...and nothing was written on paper...I swear I am not making this up...it gets worse but I won't bore you all...just venting... ;)
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Kimber166 - I applied for Medicaid before she was discharged and they denied long-term care because she has not been admitted to the nursing home for at least 30 days.

I’m afraid that now mom has a place to live, Medicaid will not approve a nursing home without another health event.
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Princessblue - apply for Medicaid for your mom - get her into a nursing home & then go travel.
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I had to move to the same city as my mother seven years ago after her husband died. She was reasonably healthy then and still driving, but once she had an accident it was clear she needed to stop driving. Sold the car.

I started visiting once a week to take her to lunch, but her health started declining and it turned into twice a week and then three times. I did all her grocery shopping, laundry, and meal preparation on the days I visited. Plus, during the summer, I was mowing and maintaining her 1 acre property. All by myself and while I was working full time. I have two brothers who live within 150 miles and they never once offered to help. It was always one excuse after another - and the one brother calls my mom no fewer than 3 times a day - every day. The other brother is useless.

I am since retired and newly married, but mom was dumped in my lap - with nobody asking me if it was ok - after several falls over a couple of weeks. Took her to ER by ambulance because my husband and I could not get her up from the floor. Got the hospital to admit her and she went to rehab.

I was hopeful that this would be the event that could keep her in the nursing home, but they released her after 17 days because that’s all Medicare would pay for. She was in no way ready to go home. So I had no choice than to bring her home with me.

She’s been here two months and gets PT twice a week, but she has the beginning stages of dementia and so there is that now.

There is always excuses from my brothers and it’s months between times that I can take my mom up to leave her for a visit - just to give me a break. Because of a government program he is in, he is not allowed to have anyone stay with him for more than a week at a time. We used to be very close, but I am finding that I am extremely resentful that this has all been thrown in my lap.

My new husband and I had planned on doing some traveling after he retired in September 2017, but all of this started in November and now we can’t go anywhere or plan anything together.

It isn’t fair and I’m damned mad about it!!!
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I can totaly understand. I'm in the same situation.
Zero help or understanding from my 5 siblings.
Unfourtunatly they will be who they are and it is impossible to change them.
Forget about them. Your just using up energy on somthing which sadly is very very very very common.
One sibling does everything while the others do nothing and have no idea what you do as a carer and maybe not even care. Sorry but this is just reality.
Its my reality and ive just come to except it as much as it makes me furious and feel unapreciated.
I'm sorry your going through this. Wish i could help.
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Auntiedodo, I am sorry for the great disappointment your family has caused you.

"and now WE INHERIT equally!"

Do you expect your sibs to give up their inheritance to give to you, since you were Mom's caregiver? Or part of their inheritances?

No, it is not fair that you get nothing for all your time and money. But why aren't you also mad at your mother? Why did she take advantage of you and not attempt to compensate you for all that you did (and that your sibs refused to do)?

More and more, I think people shouldn't agree to caregiving unless compensated in some way by the parent. And the compensation should be in the here and now, and not promised in some future inheritance (which might be taken away if the parent ends up in a facility on Medicaid).
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Dear Auntie,

I am so sorry to hear everything you have been through. I know you were incredibly selfless and caring for your mum. I'm so sorry how your siblings have let you down and hurt you.

I know some parents believe the money should be split regardless. And yet others believe the child that has done more deserves more. Its so hard to discuss these things openly.

I'm so sorry all of us have had such trying times with our siblings. And experienced so much hurt.

Thinking of you.
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I’m trying to keep a relationship with my older sister but my resentment is so deep. When my father died, almost 14 years ago, my younger sister took my parents checkbooks, bankbooks, etc, and told Mum SHE would control he finances. When Mum refused, the younger sibling cut her out of her life completely, and cut off the grandchild from seeing Mum. After six months of living alone, Mum fell and broke her pelvis. She called me, 3 hours away. My husband drove us to the hospital, left me there with the car, and rented a car to drive back home because he had to work. I stayed at Mums hospital bed for 30 days. When she was discharged she ASKED to move in with us...of COURSE we said yes, she’s my Mum! We took care of her for six years until she remarried and moved across the country. Two years later her second husband died and she BEGGED us to move and be near her. We sold our house at a huge loss, hired a company to move everything including vehicles, and moved. For five years we cared for her almost every day. No contact whatsoever from the younger sibling or grandchild, and my older sister would call maybe one a week, put the phone on speaker, and talk 60 seconds, she would fly out to visit one week every year.   Mum was so hurt! I was there almost every day when she had to move into Assisted Living, I cared for her when she was sick and we took her to doctor appointments, the ballet, symphony, meals out, road trips, etc, all at great personal expense. I let my older sister know that she needed to come out when Mum was dying, and she and her family did. Mum died, and now WE INHERIT equally! I busted my butt for 14 years, never any acknowledgement from my family, no offer of any financial help. I’m angry and bitter...it was long, hard, difficult, and exhausting, and my Mum was not always nice. I DID NOT CHOOSE to be a caregiver, but was asked by Mum. I will never have any contact with my younger sister and am considering cutting off all contact with my older sister....
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You are right about expecting nothing. Personally I am happy about nothing. It is the put downs and criticisms on top of nothing that make it hard for me. Vulture in a tree, drooling of it could, making a big show of caring, and wanting to save money and get all the inheritance, though they haven't lifted a finger to help. I'll be happy to get through this without being charged for misuse of mother's money, though I have poured $1000's of my own into her care, and sis complained about having to spend $10.00 once, though she is very well off. It reads like a bad novel.
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Well, driven by frustration, I simply googled "when siblings don't help with elder care". I needed to find some data that related to what we are currently going through with my MIL. All I have to type now after reading many of the post's on this blog is OMG! My consolation prize is knowing my wife and I are not alone. As a matter of fact we are in pretty dang good company. The range of emotions from one comment to the next strikes many nails self-driven into our heads so to speak. I suppose we will rock along working with one of five of my wife's siblings that help care for my MIL. Her Will is written, so my wife's deadbeat sibs & their spouses will continue to perch on a tree branch like vultures waiting for their dear ol'Mom to kick the bucket so they can rush in and collect. Obviously, she is worth nothing to them alive. I wish my wife would stop waiting around for them to care.
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This is "lighter" than most of the beefs on this thread. But many have expressed that they can relate: OH HEAVENS, the mindless insistence on a certain brand or quality of consumer good. Sometimes a brand that no longer exists!

When my mom was in her 30s, she started the rant of "when I was a kid, candy bars were only a nickel and the chocolate wasn't full of wax like it is now."

Fast-forward a few decades. Holy heck. Only THIS orange juice and only THAT toilet paper. "Nobody" has given her a satisfactory haircut (for as long as I have been alive). EVERYONE else's living room furniture and dining room chairs -- including mine -- "hurt her back." Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also -- not the most gracious receiver of gifts. Many thoughtful gestures (from many people over the years) were met with "I don't have anyplace to put this." Or "But these slipper-socks don't have any tread on the soles." Or "My sister is allergic to XXXXXX" (even tho the gift is for HER, not her sister).

To be fair, mom wasn't a total harpy. She just had "her things." And as mom's world shrank her long-held preferences seemed larger -- in comparison.

Sigh. Getting old sucks. And fussing about Hershey's kisses and polyester-blend whatever ain't the half of it. 😞
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Too much pain, too much inconsiderate humans walk this earth. My advice for those caring for ungrateful parents.. take it or leave it.. if the parent doesn't deeply appreciate you and what you do and I mean appreciate you verbally, in writing or in any other way you deem acceptable, then stop. It is that easy, it's as easy as they are rude or ignorant to the sacrifice of you. Just because they are old does not make them impermeable to the repercussions of their actions. Need I remind you they have lived their lives up to this point of needing care under their own will and choices... you (myself included) are not being given nor respected that same right. We have one life that we know of on this earth and this crap is not what life's about. There are enough ways to get them the care they need, enough calls to make and enough power you actually do have to turn the h*ll around and walk out.... that is if you really do want to be left to your own life and you actually do want the freedom to live it. All the "yeah but she or he won't be cared for as well if I stop and leave " .. ok so maybe not but who's gonna be there for you when you go down if you don't stop this insanity now... is this where you really want to be in your life is it? I've taken serious steps to get clear and it's not been easy on my soul nor time nor finances But I'm stopping this crap and the brakes have been applied for the last months and it's working ,,,, so if you want to do this forever then keep it up,,, otherwise start applying the damn brakes now because it's a heavy long train and it takes some time to stop it,,, but, it's stoppable. Like it or not, I had to understand I put myself here because I'm a pretty cool human who hates seeing selfishness and hates seeing any human in real genuine need and so yeah I stepped up when my mom was one of those   .. but what I didn't expect was the very deep ugly dark narcissistic self serving animals that do come out in families when the calls for help go out ..and that was mind blowing to experience within my own family.. that hurt worse than the financial destruction (really because money can always be made but trust and love, once gone can't be rebuilt to its original state after somthing like this)  .. ... siblings older and younger that were once coveted and protected by me have become despised hated strangers ... people of whom I loved so much in the past that the word hate was nowhere in my vocabulary when thinking about them .. but now, that childhood ideal and connection is severed and permanently broken and my hate, is as real as my love for them once was .. hate replaced the love because of what they watched me go through without lifting a finger or placing a call while I took on full financial hit and full care of our in common mom. ... So yeah, I finally woke up, stood up, brushed my a** off and said no more ... I can care about her wellbeing, still check in, but not have her, nor the narcissistic animals ruin my life any more. I still hate them and I'm cool with it, but I put the brakes on the "caring for parent train .. to live. 
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For those here that provide meals for their parent(s), if your parents are able to afford it, seek out a meals on wheels program or community service program that will provide/deliver meals. I order frozen meals for my parents through our community service program and deliver them to them once per month. This has worked out well, freed me up a lot to do other things and look after myself a little more.
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I'd go for the divorce if I were you, Candi.
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Same thing here. Caring for my father in law in my home for 10 years and no help ever from his 2 other sons. I have been hospitalized 13 times in 10 years and still had to come home to care for him. They didnt even bring him a meal. I never in my life thought I could hate, but I will hate until my father in law passed. I also hate my father in law for dividing the inheritance before his death or paying for any of his housing, medical expenses and such. Yes, my husband took his share, but i hate that my father in law didnt use it for a home health aid. 10 years of this and the last 6 years I dream daily of my death or divorce.
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My mother seems to find fault with everything I do when I visit her, and I can't seem to please her. One small example: she told me she loves Hershey's Kisses with almonds, so I was at a store where they didn't have Kisses, but saw some chocolate-covered almonds and bought them for her. She didn't like them even though they taste (and crunch) almost identical to Kisses, without having to deal with the wrappers. I ordered a special bedpan and had it delivered because she says the staff "stole" hers (o-kay!!!!??) but apparently I didn't get the exact model she had in mind, so that was a loss as well. I don't remember if I even got a thank-you for either attempt to please her. But after several more instances like that I realized I could not please her and quit trying. I find that they will abuse and disrespect you as long as you let them. I always feel like it's a competition between my sister (her favorite) and me and my brothers. I refuse to be drawn into the game. I live 800+ miles away from all of them so it's easier to bow out since I can't be there much anyway. My husband and I run a company and can't get away very often. But when I spend $1,000k on flights, hotel, car to go stay with her for a week and devote every minute to taking care of her every need, including wiping her rear-end, I'd like just a little gratitude. Instead, I always leave feeling disrespected and unappreciated. And then a month later I hear from my brother (that I'm close to) that I have been accused behind my back of hiding something or stealing something. Last visit I purposely never went into her apt (she was staying at a rehab wing recovering from broken bones after a fall). My niece had the apt key and I was glad that I had no access to the apt. unless I asked her to let me in - only way to assure I wouldn't be accused of something. My sister had asked me to come stay with my mom for the week while she went on an out of town trip. So I did, not for her, but glad to be able to spend some quality time with my mom without her "precious" hanging around. My sister works hard to make me look bad to the rest of the family. I am the most affluent family member by far, but I get treated with disrespect and am accused of doing ridiculously petty things - like hiding valuables in a file bag, or stealing items that have little value. I have NO interest in my mother's JUNK. I think it's a bad case of projection on my sister's part. But she can convice my mother of anything so I have to be careful. Then I hesitate to call my mom when I know my sister might be there...my mom has to show her undying devotion and loyalty to my sister by treating me like a "less than". I witnessed it for myself during my visit with her...my sister called my mom while I was in the room and as I was sitting there, she told my sister: "I" went for a nice walk up and down the hallways, "I" went to visit a friend down the hall, "I" had a nice bath, "I" went to the dining room, etc. without ever mentioning that I had wheeled her around to do all those things in her wheelchair and spent every waking hour with her. But not a mention of me, except that she did tell my sister that I was just getting a small taste of what she (my sister) does for her every day. That told me all I needed to know. I think it bugs my mom that I don't need any of her money - so she can't control me like she can the others. She expects everyone to kiss her a$$ to "earn" their inheritance. The 1/4 share I would get at best would be a fraction of my annual income, so it's not enough to matter to me, but it is huge to my financially challenged siblings. I would just like to have a nice healthy relationship with my mother for the last few years of her life, but apparently I can't have that either. So my message is that there are always two (or three) sides to every story and siblings that back away - I think many times have good reason to do so. This same sister barked at my brother: "I'm in charge of Mom 's money!!!" So he has backed away as well. And my mother wonders why her other adult children rarely call her. Putting my sociopath sister in charge of everything was her first mistake. My sister would love it if every one of us siblings backed away and let her talk our mom into giving her all the inheritance. She is the greedy one of the bunch.
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fedup2017 - "My buisness, health (i went into depression and gained weight from 55kg to 80kg) oh the worse is finacial loss. Its easier to work full time and paying for care. Mum refuses to ask them for any type of help But she allows them to dump their issues on her. Ironic I live in the same house have a breakdown mum ignores it they call dump and she looses sleep over it then wants to dump that on me. They are all finacially secure one even being a multi millionaire but wont even chip in for extra help here. My resentment will not go anytime soon."

Your siblings and your mother think you are not worthy of a normal life. Why is that? I think people on this board should confront their elders and basically demand some things of them. All of these wonderful parents raised the caregiver's siblings to do nothing? Why is your wealthy brother too worthy to be asked for help, while you have lost so much? Why is that okay in your mother's eyes?

I have enough trouble doing the limited caregiving that I do for my ungrateful mother who thinks I'm not worthy...can't imagine giving up what you have.
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Thank caring2. I will have to look for this book. I am glad things are improving and you are putting your health first. I know its tough. Its never easy being the dutiful one in the family.
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To all of you caring for loved ones without help from siblings, I would suggest that you read the book, "Boundaries" - it really changed my view on the situation. I have set boundaries in place for myself. I had cooked meals for my parents and put a stop to that and order meals through the meals on wheels program (my parents live out of town so I order frozen and deliver them myself all in one go once per month). I still take them to all their medical appts but do not send regular updates to my siblings any longer. This has forced them to call my parents more regularly. Any negative comments from them gets ignored - I refuse to listen to any of it. My health and well being has vastly improved.
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I can relate to this post my two brothers and sister are useless but love to be an inconvenience when mum eventually passes I intend to cut all ties with them. I have lost alot taking care of mum. My buisness, health (i went into depression and gained weight from 55kg to 80kg) oh the worse is finacial loss. Its easier to work full time and paying for care. Mum refuses to ask them for any type of help But she allows them to dump their issues on her. Ironic I live in the same house have a breakdown mum ignores it they call dump and she looses sleep over it then wants to dump that on me. They are all finacially secure one even being a multi millionaire but wont even chip in for extra help here. My resentment will not go anytime soon.
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Nancystory,
Wow! That is unbelievable she never showed to anything from her dying to her funeral. I hate my siblings so if that happened to me, I hate to say I would be relieved. I dread the day I have to make that call to them. I am the one Mom chose to care for her so they have turned against me and feel that excuses them from doing anything whatsoever. So be it. I do wonder how they live with themselves though. They have no idea how this has drastically changed my life and it isn't a bed of roses dealing with a parent who has dementia. Some days she is pretty good, somedays, well........she does not comprehend even simple things. I have become the parent.
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It has been a process but I now take care of myself, in addition to looking after the needs of my elderly parents. I have been criticized by one sibling after they read various updates. She sent me a long email stating what I should or should not do, while not lifting a finger for support. After that lovely email, I no longer send any updates - none whatsoever. And, when I need a break, I send a short email telling them that I will be away and the other three siblings need to be on call :-) It's that simple.

It really is amazing what this new approach has done. Because I don't send regular updates, suddenly they have to be more attentive themselves to find out how things are.
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Each time my mother got sick in Florida, my sister would call me and say, Mommys ill. ill meet you there soon. I got there and she never arrived.
I went there several times. The last time I took my mom from the hospital in Florida to my house in New York. That was for over two years I took care of her. Then she wanted to go back to Florida. I knew she could not take care of herself but she insisted on going there....Or she would go when I was at work and get a taxi. One year later my mom got very sick again and I was the only one again to go to Florida. This time my mom was dying. She was in the hospital for one month. I stayed there my sister never came., I was there for the 18 hours she suffered before she died in the hospital the last breath, holding my hand, my sister was never there., and I made the funeral in New York. transferred her body to New York and my sister never came to the Funeral or did she want to make the unveiling, which it is over two years now and Is still did not do it because Im embarrassed that my sister isn't there. ...I did it all., and I was emotionally and physically exhausted and had such pain from it all. Its over two years now that my mom is gone and I am first able to catch my breath a little and trying to digest all of this.
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