I'm beginning to think that siblings that do not visit their elderly parents (if they live in the area and have the time) are dysfunctional.

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in other areas of their lives also, and probably have very little, if any integrity. In addition, they probably have very low self-esteem. I believe it would bother an individual terribly who had high-esteem to know that they were not doing right by their siblings and parents, and, therefore, they would change the situation and begin helping out. Basically, what I am trying to convey is that if you have a sibling that does not offer themselves (the best thing you can give anyone), they probably have a poor attitude in other areas of their life, so please don't take their lack of caregiving personally. Speaking for myself, I am still considering whether or not to keep in touch with my sister when our parents are no longer around. I'm undecided at this point, but would be interested in anyone's input on this subject.

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Sometimes adult children distance themselves from elderly parents because they were abused as children and cannot deal with the emotional pain from the past. Most likely these elderly parents are still abusive toward their adult children. I no longer see my elderly father because of abuse as a child and his indifference toward me as an adult. It is not for lack of trying, but why should I bother anymore.
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By the Way ... Mom is 91 and has lived with me,husband and now 2 grow kids for 12yrs...
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I feel the same way about talking with them after Mom's passing...I'm having a Grad party for my daughter in 2 wks and have invited my 3 siblings who 2 of them last visited Mom In May and 1 that lives in the same town and saw Mom once last year...they say they are coming to the party which I think is important for my daughter but it "irks" me to think they will be seeing Mom that day... If it wasn't for the party they would not be coming to visit Mom... I don't need or want there help and I will not be informing them of Mom's condition...I have made a decision that if Mom ends up in hospital again for any reason I will not call them...They do not call me or Mom at any time, so obviously they don't care. I will have the 1 sister who visits and calls weekly inform them of her passing... I have wasted too much time wondering "why" they don't give a shit about their Mother... SELFISH, SELFISH, SELFISH !!!!
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That is really rough. My sister who is the focus of her resentment still drops by to see mom, although she will not go any further than the living room due to mom's paranoia. Can identify your mom's triggers and go no further so as not to upset her. I know it's tough... Last night she told me her 'voice' told her I should pack and get on a plane. My feelings were hurt and that's what I wanted to do. My brother reminded me that it is the illness and not her. Our mothers would be destroyed if they knew what they were doing. Hang in there. I'll keep you in my praers.
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My mother also focuses her anger on me-she thinks my brothers are so great and puts me down all the time-now Mom will need to have someone to be with her when she gets home from the hospital and one brother has already refused-my sister who does almost everything for her can not help right now because of her job and I have done my share plus Mom went to hit me last time I was with her.
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I think there is not one rule fits all families; it depends on the dynamics of the individual families. My mom has dementia and here are 6 surviving syblings. However, we have give power of attorney to one brother who manages very well. There are two local sisters and the one sister who would help the most Mom has focused negatively on her; of course we realize the dementia. The other local sister steps in for a visit and then out again. I live 2500 miles away but am blessed because I am able to come to telework from the state where mom lives; thank God for technology. I was feeling guilty that I was not helping and asked for the approval to work from mom's state; approval was granted. So, I work in the facility during the day and am able to be home with mom during the night. And it is rough, but I am happy that I am helping. Sometimes you want to help but cannot, sometimes, you don't and should, and sometime you step up. There are all types of family dynamics; but most of all, you PRAY....
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Electric109,your mother and sister are so lucky to have you involved in their life. I have 3 siblings and they are not involved in our mothers care. I agree with you about assisted living or living next door.Your mother should see a doctor for dementia and start medication. Went my husband started taking medication,there was a big difference in his health.My mother also has dementia and as soon as she was given medication there was improvement.I am their caregiver and the Rx has maded my life less stressful.Good Luck.
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Littletonway, thank you. I realize that you are right. I donot have anyone helping me at all. I have the sole responsibility. However, I'm trying to have a better attitude. This site is, really, helpful. Thank you again.
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Good evening my kind friends! Well the social worker finally is coming to evaluate my MIL for IHHS . She asked what exactly my MIL needs help with, I told her she's maximum assist! I sure do hope they can get someone soon. My surgery is next month! I am also concerned because my mother in law gets combative (always with me) with people she gets familiar with, she hits and pinches when bathing and dressing her, she turns into stone and its like moving a 300 pounder!
So I'm not sure how the social worker will react to that and or when and IF we can get someone to tolerate her behavior she is 89 with vascular dementia and can no longer really talk, but boy does she have a temper. No matter how nice I try once the clothes start to come off that's it! But it's a start and soon won't be my problem only my husbands. Can't wait for my surgery! My hip pain now is almost unbearable! Just trying to hang on! Thanks all for being here nitey nite....
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Your not alone. I asked my sister today can you or your husband moe the back lawn please. Her reply was not right now with what's going on in our house hold. Teenagers. I had a teenager too who moved in to my moms with me to live and she now lives in another state Florida. She moved the heck out of the house and I don't blame her. My point is I raised a teenager single mom and she has a husband and can't find the time to moe the back yard but has time to help others with things. I just laugh now and ask for help and say exactly what I need knowing that she will have an excuse. I wonder what she would say if I said mom has not bathed in a month can you please come do that. Just venting. I'm done trying to get family and friends to help or understand what I am going through on my new journey. When mom passes I am out of here and they can deal with the house and all that goes along with owning property. hahah
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