Siblings are providing round the clock care for Mom.

Follow
Share

My two siblings are retired. I'm still working full-time during the week. One of my siblings refuses to work on weekends which leaves me and my sister to cover weekends. I work every other weekend and 3-4 nights during the week and they want me to add two more shifts. I am burning out as this has been on going for eight months. I have refused to work the extra shifts for self preservation. They state that I now have to pay them for any shifts I will not work out of my own pocket. I suggested paying for an outside care giver to give us all a break and pay for it with the estate money ( which I have POA). They explained that I should pay out of my share because I am the one messing things up with having a job.
To sum it up in a three week period there are 42 shifts( two per day, day and night) I do one less shift than each of them in that three week period. I'm desperate for feed back to know if I am being unreasonable.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
20

Comments

Show:
This IS a delicate situation and you don't want to anger your sisters to the point they quit helping! I suggest you meet and regroup regarding what you can do. Maybe visit some care centers together. You also can always have a paid caregiver as well.
(0)
Report

I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to comment. Reading your comments has encouraged me and helped clarify the situation and the steps that need to be taken.
(2)
Report

Thank you for the clarification.
(0)
Report

I think there is a huge misconception in this country regarding hospice. It isn't straighten out usually until someone deals with it first hand. When my father received in home hospice care it was exactly as described above - a couple visits a week to check vitals and some little or no cost medication and equipment. No 24/7 angel in white applying cool compresses to the forehead. My eyes were opened but my brothers were not as he rarely visited my dad. About six weeks ago my brother and I had a huge argument regarding our moms care - he kept throwing around hospice as an answer to all our problems and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain things. Finally I told him to go on line and find out what hospice was really - then to call me back when he had a clue. We've talked several times since and he doesn't mention hospice anymore. Don't get me wrong - I am grateful for what hospice did do for my dad and will be calling them this week to evaluate my mom. In this posters case I am a little surprised that mom is still hospice eledigable if she is now "stable".
(3)
Report

Tacy, that's a common mistake. Hospice gets you 24/7 access by phone to hospice. It gets you a set number of hours and visits for a whole lot of services. It gets you equipment and certain medications at little or no cost. HOWEVER, it is set up so that family and friends provide a majority of care for the person on hospice. If a patient requires a level of care that family and friends cannot provide at home, many hospice providers have facilities for hospice or a nursing home is a more appropriate placement. Medicare doesn't pay room and board, even under hospice. Hospice in the home is a supported service, it is not 24/7 direct paid-for care by someone other than the family.
To quote the resource hospice.net
10. Does hospice provide care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
Hospice staff is on call for emergencies 24 hours a day. Hospice care does not include a nurse in the home 24/7. If you require more care than can be provided in the home, some hospices have their own inpatient facilities. Most communities have nursing homes, inpatient residential centers and hospitals with hospice care options.
(2)
Report

tacy - I think the issue is that hospice does not provide anything like 24/7 care in the home. They come a few times a week for an hour or a few hours - apparently this elderly Mom needs a lot more care than that.
(1)
Report

I guess im a little confused with what the problem is. It is my understanding hospice care will provide caregivers in the home - medicare picks up the cost. Only when the patient is admitted to a facility for respite, the patient is responsible for a 5% copay.
(1)
Report

As Carla said do not give up your time or money to your siblings.. You have every right to spend MOM's money on her care...

Take charge..
(2)
Report

I agree totally with Babalou and meant to add that same comment: There's no estate until the person dies.

But, the fact that the siblings are thinking of Mom's money as "the estate" makes me suspect that the hands-on caregiving is being done to preserve Mom's money for an inheritance. That should never be the case while a person is in need of care, and it creates all sorts of problems, such as the demand that each sibling take equal time or forfeit part of his or her "share." If you think of this as Mom's money, saved to provide for her care needs, rather than your inheritance, it makes everything simpler and clearer. She has the right to leave her money to the local animal shelter if she likes.
(4)
Report

Vic; you talk about estate money. Don't think of it that way. Until your mother passes away, it's HER money and should be used for HER care and comfort. There is a reason she made you POA; you are clearly the clear-thinking one.
(7)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions