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One of my favorites was Dad calling me from the dining room to ask if I had his pen. No, haven't seen it. Then climbing out of his chair, grabbing the walker, and getting face to face with me to ask what I did with his pen. Haven't seen it. I walk into the dining room, it's on the table next to his checkbook. You can't see this I asked? No. Then I'm taking the car keys away, you have no business behind the wheel. Never lost his pen again.
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... no mom, your "pads" go in your briefs like a Christmas tree (the design on the incontance pad if placed correctly appears as a Christmas tree shape) ... "no mom, read the instructions I put on your walker, you soaked thru because since when does a Christmas tree stand upside down".... "what? There are no green spices that go on lasagna, let me see what you're eating out of the fridge... oh for gods sake mom that's mold." ...... "What? Pringles potato chips are not a good source of nutrition no matter how many times you tell me they are" ........... "um mom, why are you wearing your grandsons basketball shorts?"..........
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These made me chuckle-a little. My hubby is 65, still working FT, and certainly able to feed himself..BUT...if he is sick, he will lay in bed until I come in to see what's wrong. Won't take any meds other than his prescribed ones--say he has a headache...he literally "waits" for me to dx the headache, bring him something to eat and hand him ibuprofen. If there is not an actual meal sitting on the table at 7 pm, he eats cereal w/o checking to see if I have left him dinner in the fridge to heat up. PLUS I always leave a note if I am not home, and instructions on what there is to eat...how to warm it ,etc. He seems completely incapable of caring for himself in any way other than washing and dressing. If we run out of milk...we're out until I buy more. If his shirts have been taken to the cleaners, he doesn't know how to retrieve them. Bless his heart--his mom fussed him, and I guess I inadvertently made this monster worse. He keeps saying "I am so glad you will outlive me"--well, I guess he hopes I do.
I try to find humor in this (the kids think it's hilarious) but he is the last "generation" of this kind of dinosaur, I think. I see my boys walking through the door at the end of their work day and seamlessly stepping into "dad-mode" and I KNOW I did something right. My hubs wanted a cold drink at the end of the day, and I always took the cap off the soda for him. He never stepped up into child care at the end of his day--that was MY job.
Tired Reader--you hit a tender spot with a lot of us!! I am also a PT caregiver for my Mother and making her lunch salad is like putting together a puzzle--if you put too many beets in it, she pouts. It's crazy, but it's the crazy I know.

Good place to vent--esp today. Fed hubby 2 meals in bed since he didn't feel well yesterday.
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No, I know, JessieBelle, sorry, you're right. I'm just feeling tender at the moment, everything makes me sad. God knows the fussy fiddly faffy bits drove me round the twist at the time.
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The one thing my mother won't ask me to do, for some unknown reason, is change the television channel. I went in to check on her and caught her watching a football game - my mother is absolutely NOT into football. The programming had changed and the game came on so she just sat and watched it... for hours.
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Hey, guys. TiredReader started a thread for everyone to share their annoying things of the day. I don't think she meant for judgment calls on her own interaction.

Okay, I'll share my annoying thing for the day. It is when someone says something bothered them and other group members say that they will feel different after their loved one dies. In many instances I think there is unresolved grief issues that may not be relevant to everyone.
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My Mom has Alzheimer's, so she can't remember how to do certain things but she doesn't ask us to do it for her. She will just eat what ever is brought to her the way it is. I think your Grandma probably just would like you to sit with her during breakfast. I used to help out at our local hospital in the mornings after I got my kids to school and would help the patients through breakfast. They do need help and assistance, some can't cut up their food and other's were diabetic and I would make sure they were actually given a diabetic breakfast because the hospital does make mistakes and found that many times. Help your Grandma she won't be around forever! When my Grandmother was dieing of cancer, my Mom & her siblings took turns staying with Grandma 24/7 around the clock and she never complained or was in pain unti the last week of her life. No one ever complained about having to stay with Grandma, they were all glad to be able to spend time with her. I know not everyone is the same so you should sit with her and ask her about family history, stories of times past, record this stuff as you won't be able to ask her once she has passed.
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My mother has become spoiled by the daytime caregivers who spoon feed her. Last night at dinner, she asked for a spoonful of soup. I told her no way. I was trying to eat my dinner. Guess what....somehow she remembered how to work a spoon.

Spoon feed her. Ha, I barely even spoonfed my babies back in the day. I gave them a couple of months to figure it out and let them feed themselves.
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My sister & I wanted to spend time with our mom but it helped to be able to share each day. Things that might have bugged us had we been alone, instead would be part of our daily reports to each other so it ended up with our laughing (with love) instead. When my mom did things I saw them as windows to her childhood. Kids are sometimes reluctant to do things without permission of "adult" (and you may be seen as parent now). Maybe HER mom would have been angry if she had mixed all her food together so her request might have been more for your permission than for your serving her.

It took some time to reach this stage. It is easier once it is perfectly clear something has changed. Hardest years were before we had a clue what was going on. At one point I thought my mom was faking and had just figured out a way to have our attention. How wrong I was.

PS. On another note: Our three homes were next to each other. (another tip: We had baby monitors in each house so we could hear when our mom woke up at night. Baby monitors worked from across the street.)
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I'm laughing now, but totally under stand TiredReader's feeling. Love the one about the cat and the ice water too. LoL. I probably should not laugh though, as I remember all the ludicous and petty things my Dad used to demand. Like the time he called up at one in the morning and insisted we go buy him some more CokaCola. He only had four cans left in the fridge, and insisted he was going to run out. "What am I going to dooooo? " in a whining voice, in the middle of the night only pissed me off. After three call backs , and me slamming the phone down each time, I finally shut the phone off. ...About a week later I found out that Dad then went over to the neighbor's house (still the middle of the night) and asked them to go buy him CocaCola. ....Their self centerness knows no bounds.
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Three dates, stones taken out; 1 bottle of Actimel with the lid taken off ready; half-size helping of oatmeal with golden or maple syrup in a squirly L-shape on it; tea not too strong, not too much milk, one sugar and must be hot and don't spill it whatever you do; one hi-juice orange squash with the Omeprazole pre-dispersed as per pharmacy instructions; one cranberry capsule softened in water; Chinese man egg cup for other meds...

I could practically put that breakfast tray together in my sleep. Now, I just regret that I didn't sit with her while she ate. Couldn't spare the hour at the time - who's got an hour to spare in the morning? But you don't get it back again later.
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When my daddy came home from open heart surgery, my sister and I took turns weekly taking care of him. On my week, every time my butt hit the couch, he'd think of something for me to do. Usually while I was doing another task, he was telling about the next. At the end of the day, I was calling my husband crying. It was get me this ,hand me that. I couldn't wait for my week to be over lol. Lets not forget to mention him peeing in a urinal at anytime in the living room. HA!
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I feel your pain. My mother asked me to get her a roll of toilet paper out of the closet because she couldn't pick up the three rolls of paper towels that were sitting on top of the toilet paper to get the toilet paper. She lives alone and I am just here for two weeks. I don't know know who will do this for her after I leave.
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We are a human beings. Whatever we happen to feel, whether annoyed, amused at an elder's antics, or nothing in particular, we have the right to feel whatever we happen to feel at the moment. I don't think it's anyone's business to be judgemental in telling us our feelings are right or wrong. Since when is anything moral about what one feels inside? We do not have to justify nor defend our feelings. And so often, the immediacy of feelings and our lack of perspective means our feelings might not seem to make much sense to us. Later, the gift of hindsight may soften what we felt before.
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Mom keeps asking for ice water. I get her glass (still has water in it) dump it, rinse it out, fill and add ice and bring it back. This happens a couple times a day. Yesterday I stood next to her for several minutes because I was interested in a bit of news on her TV.

While standing there...the cat jumped up and mom offered the glass of ice water to the cat!

Guess who drinks the ice water? Cat is apparently so spoiled it requires the water to be ice cold now too!

My plan is to just bring a low ball glass of ice water every so often...whenever I am going to her any way. Save me the time and trouble to deal with it on a separate trip. (Just one more item on the tray.).

Honestly, that cat is a much bigger bother than mom!
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Sorry, but that's a little ridiculous! Calling you in the room just to have you put her oranges in her cottage cheese? Putting myself in your situation, I would simply say, "sorry lady, you're a big girl, do it yourself!" I then storm right back into the other room and resume what I was originally doing. Even my demented foster dad had enough sense to do little things for himself, and I'm amazed at how far he even got before he was forced into a nursing home from a second hospitalization. As long as a person is still able to get around and do things for themselves, I won't cater to them. I would make them get whatever it is they want themselves or any other little thing they can do for themselves, I'm just not catering to someone who can still care for themselves. I figure if you can still get up and walk around and do little things, then do it all yourself, don't ask me because I'm not doing it
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Yes, TiredReader, that is pretty annoying, or funny depending on your mood I guess.

Since she has dementia she may have forgotten how to do it, or wasn't confident that she could do it correctly. Or she may have concluded that since she is retired from cooking she shouldn't be doing those kinds of things.

But, yup, being called back to dump oranges onto cottage cheese could definitely be annoying!
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Mom wanted me to floss her teeth for her - I said my fingers won't fit in your mouth
She said, then there must be something wrong with your fingers
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I feel for you cdnreader. Actually I wish my Mom had annoying requests when she was alive but she was always the kind of person who didn't want to bother anyone. Would put up with just about anything just so she wouldn't be a burden. When I finally discovered what she had been hiding it was pretty much too late to do anything about it. Dear, sweet Mom........I miss her so.
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Sorry Tiredreader, I know its hard. And you are trying to what you can for your grandmother. Now that my dad has passed away, I can only wish he had a annoying request or demand to give me. Before he passed I felt like I had never ending to do lists. Calendars were my friends. I would mark each day off like a prisoner. Now I don't even know what to do that my dad is gone. Still feels surreal I don't have to do anything for him anymore. And this reality pains me more.
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