Now that the holidays are in full swing & the pressure is on,,,,I need to take a moment to "say" a few things that I clearly cannot verbalize and expect to maintain peace in the family. This is a safe place,,,you're invited to join me in getting this outta your system! I'll start:

*You cannot join your father & me for Thanksgiving because your daughter is coming to your house?

My response: Your daughter is single, 24 and lives 4 hours away. Your father is newly widowed, 90 & you haven't spent a holiday with him in 30 years. I might be wrong, but I'd wager you've got a few more ahead of you with your daughter than your father. We are less than 2 hours apart - she was invited too, you know.

* You can't come to spend a day with Dad because you have to get your house ready for Christmas.

My response: Really? You haven't been to see him in 3 months. You live alone with your husband. My house is "ready" for Christmas and I've had an elderly man, a dog,4 bedroom house, a husband & full-time job to maintain .

*What does Dad want for Christmas?

My response: How about picking up the phone and asking him yourself? He has his own phone and I'm sure he'd really love to hear from you.

*Can't come up to visit because I have to go Christmas shopping.

My response: Gee, I'd like to go shopping without my 90-year-old father in tow - who tires easily, doesn't like to waste time in the stores, has his own agenda & needs me with him when he needs to shop, and insists on sitting in the car when I need to stop at the fabric or craft store (making me feel rushed). I use the internet & my lunch hours....It would be a nice gift if you took Dad to Walmart & let me shop alone for a couple of hours.

THERE!!!! I've "said" the things I need to get off my chest!!! I can let them go now & go back to being patient, smiling & agreeable!

Thanks for letting me vent - and again, feel free to join me!!! Happy Holidays!

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You hit the nail on the head, cwillie! The internal message that keeps me going with kindness, acceptance and compassion is that these are Dad's last days and I am privileged to spend them with him. When Dad passes, I'll have no regrets & will be at peace with myself. Others around us will have to live with themselves...there are no "do-overs" when we get to this stage of the game.

I want to vent about commode lids. Yes commode lids. There seems to be a physics issue or perhaps chemistry issue about water making a substantial seal between two layers of plastic. Every time I clean the commode I sanitise it and rinse out the sanitiser

This is fabulous when Mum has pooped, because if I am in the middle of cooking I can put the lid on and voila no smell. I imagine you can already see where this is going!

So I took said soiled commode upstairs and lifted the toilet seat.....Then I went to take the lid off the commode. Nada.... nothing.... it wasn't going to budge. So I pulled harder - well you would wouldn't you? There is a point at which, let me tell you, that your strength outweighs that of the seal made by the water.

When you reach this point.......the lid goes one way and the contents fly out of the commode. I have now sanitised the bathroom, cleaned said bloody commode and showered and clothes in the wash..... I have now put a little old knife my Dad used to use for levering lids off paint tins upstairs so that this doesn't happen again!!!!!!!!!

I would send them an email and ask them to go to youtube and look this up - it is subtitled in English

EDEKA Weihnachtsclip - #heimkommen

A little heartening -- today in church I saw a teenage boy sitting next to someone I guess was his grandmother. His father was sitting next to him. The grandmother stayed seated throughout most of the service. You could tell the boy loved her very much. At the end when she was standing up, the boy helped her and rubbed her back in the sweetest way. The boy looked my way and I smiled my approval. What a wonderful young man he was.

Then I thought about my own brother and his children, who avoid coming around but when they just have to. Did the boy dote on his grandmother because it had been passed down through the generations? Or was there just something warm and special about the boy? Maybe a bit of both. When they were walking out of the church, the boy was still with his grandmother and the father walked behind, looking like he totally approved.

Would it be better if you got the honest answer:

*We have made a life without dad and rarely think of him (or you), we have no plans to change that except perhaps at the holidays, then we might buy him something to salve our consciences.

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