Follow
Share

My mom is 82 with moderate dementia. I went out to eat with my mom and her friend. Then I took my mom to my bother's house for supper. It was only yesterday that I took her out. She doesn't remember going out with her friend, and she thinks that she hasn't called her in a long time. Then she doesn't remember going to my brother's house for supper. She forgets that he has two kids and she forgets what their names are. Also, she goes to Adult Day Care 5 days a week. she thinks that she only went one day last week to Adult Day care. She thinks that they won't pick her up the next day. it seems like her confusion gets worse at night. I try to explain to her what her schedule is for Adult day care is. It seems like she gets really defensive, and argumentative. I try not to have disagreements with her, but it can be really difficult when she is being defensive. Then she gets negative thoughts about herself. I don't know how to assure her that her ride comes for everyday at the same time. Her forgetfulness is getting worse. It is getting really stressful.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Douglenda, I like to fell out when u mention your mom is 101 bless her heart. That is a unique way of getting her to go to bed, I will have to remember that one when my mnl starts to be bother about sleeping at night. We also use a little night-light for her n she has her own t.v. for sound if she needs it. She now no longer needs the t.v. in order to go to bed at night.
(1)
Report

My mother is 101 and I dread the late afternoons/evenings fearing I may not be able to get her to sleep successfully, and we will be up off and on throughout the night. The advice that has helped me probably more than anything is a friend who is an RN came to help me one day when mother was wanting to "go home." Mothever can offer every reason for wanting to go home that one can imagine. Anyway, the friend said, "Meet them where they are." Mother told my friend she wanted to go home, and my friend responded with, "I understand and you can do that tomorrow, but it is getting late now and everyone has already gone to bed. Let's go to bed and we can do that tomorrow." She was very calm and loving in speaking to her.

It has worked so many times with mother. Whatever she is disturbed about, I can tell her that it is bedtime now and let's go to sleep so we can get up and do it in the morning. Usually it works with her. She has lived with us nine years, and I can relate to so much of what is being posted on this site. Your comments lift me up, and I thank you.
(1)
Report

nunu8, sorry to hear that your mom is in her late stages of AD. Please keep us posted how your mom is doing n you too.
(0)
Report

This is only the beginning of a very long road ahead of you. Now my mother is in her last stage and it has taken over 5 years. It hasn't gotten any easier. I fully uinderstand what you are going through.

Suggestion: GET HELP NOW! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS ALONE! AND PLEASE DON'T SACRIFICE YOURSELF!
(0)
Report

MY HUSBAND ALSO SUFFERS THROUGH SUNDOWNERS. IT IS BEST TO NEVER ARGUE BUT INSTEAD LET THEM THINK THEIR REASONING IS RIGHT ON AND THEN ASSURE THEM YOU WILL HELP THEM FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIX THINGS. SOME NIGHTS I PUT MY HUSBAND IN THE CAR AND TELL HIM WE ARE GOING HOME. A SHORT DRIVE LATER HE RECOGNIZES THE HOUSE AS WHERE HE LIVES. THEN THAT JUST LEAVES THE BATHROOM WHICH HE CAN NEVER FIND. EVERYDAY IS AN ADVENTURE. YOU MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY IT.
(2)
Report

Pumpkin, welcome to this site n it does sound like your mom is having trouble remembering. If its not a big deal that she knows she has already been here n their I wouldn't even waste my breathe for an argument. For that will only make her more frustrated n more stress on you. It is not worth it. As for a reminder for your mom about the day care n reassuring her they are coming n that she can still 'read,' I would suggest getting a white chalk board or a poster board.
Then just write down the information so that she can look at it when in doubt. As for you to understand this disease more n to recognize it is not your mom but the disease that is causing the memory loss. I know that for myself gets hard to remember n that is why I come here to share, read others post and vent sometimes. I would suggest to educate yourself to understand more. The Alz.org has tons of info n so does this site. In addition, A book called, "The 36-Hour Day," by Peter V Rabins is a great book. This book is like a second Bible to me for it has helped me a lot n this website just knowing that I am not alone dealing with the care-giving stuff. Welcome n I hope u come back to post to let us know how YOU are doing.
(2)
Report

sundowning consists much of insecurity and fear. So if there is a pattern you can try breaking that pattern, by for example take him/her for a brisk walk or a trip in the car and reassure that you will be there with her/him. Don't allow naps!
Can also try to have all the lights on in the house before twilight hits and don't forget filling the atmosphere with his/her favorite music. This works for me. Hopefully it works for you.
(0)
Report

The key letters for someone caring for a person with dementia are ARE - don't Argue, Reason, or Explain. I would encourage you to join an Alzheimer's support group because those are the only people who will really understand what you're going through. When I started taking care of my aunt, people who had never done this kind of caregiving seemed to assume that she was just being "difficult." I was told to threaten her, even to slap her to "get get attention." Also, there are a number of books out there that will help you understand what is happening to your mother and what likely will happen. A very valuable website, besides this one, is Alzheimer's Reading Room. Two key books are 36 Hours, and also Passages for Caregivers. Help some of this helps. Hang in!
(3)
Report

I hear ya! My mother fights with me every night. Even if I try not to argue, she turns it into one. If you just try to explain things to her she screams and says you are yelling at her. My mom lives next door so I bring her dinner at around 5pm. I come back every might at 6:30 and she is either in bed already or screaming mad that I am keeping her up all night. I have to rally struggle to keep her up to 7:30 and then I know she will get up at 2 or 3 am and when we arrive at 8am to do her breakfast, she thinks no one came the whole day. It is a losing battle. I try to go with the flow, but it is REALLY hard because she is always so angry.
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.