Mom with dementia makes up stories that she believes are true.

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83 yr. old mother with dementia embellishes every conversation the anyone has with her. She tells me that my brother has said that he misses her and wants her to come home...he hasn't said that. She says that the nurse practitioner says that she is ready to go home...she hasn't said that. And it's not just about going home, but everything. I used to think that she was just telling a lot of lies, but now I think she truly believes what she is saying. Does anyone have any experience with this. I really think it is not good for her to believe she is going home when she isn't.

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oh yes! we use to think my mom was a compulsive liar...it was, unfortunately dementia....She always had a good imagination, but we discovered it's delusions...and she really does believe them...been doing that for years and years...she's 86 now with severe dementia, which she kept hidden well until 6 months ago.
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i understand the feeling.....I'm living with my grandmother and I deal with the everyday stories she tells that didn't happen....For instance I woke up this morning and she told me how she was up with my 8 month old for a few hours last night and couldn't get me awake .... she said my baby was screaming from the top of her lungs but in reality she wasn't awake at all.... my child sleeps in the same room as me.... I have 6 kids so I'm a pro at getting up in the middle of the night.... my uncle lives here also and he pulled me off to the side and said that nobody was crying and granny was in bed. I wake up sad everyday because it hurts to see her like this. She's very different compared to when I was a kid.... When she went to bed tonight she sai "Alicia if I happen to die please tell all my grand baby's how much granny loved them" 😢. I love her soo much
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Just found out the other day while visiting my MIL at her Asst Living Facility that she's telling everyone that her husband passed away many years ago, after their daughter was born. My FIL just passed last year. Another statement she's making is that she had 10 children. Clueless on why she thinks this because she has only 4. It's sad to hear these stories because the reality is that she's getting worse. She is however very happy living at this facilty. Matter of fact, during our visits she walks away from us without saying anything to go get her girlfriend for their ice cream social. LOL!!
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Do the folks who are listening to these accusations not consider that the source is a demented and damaged brain?
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Pickle, my mom sounds like yours.
I'm anxious to hear what advice you receive.
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My mother (75 yrs. Old)was diagnosed with dementia about 5 years ago, then she fell a year and a half ago and hit her head had emergency surgery and now is in an assisted living. There have been instances where she talks about something that happened a certain way but it didnt. She has accused me (her only child) of lieing to her and says her situation is all my fault. Just recently she accused someone very close to me of an indecent act and is adamnant this is true. I know without a doubt it is not because of certain changes between the stories she told me compared to what she told my aunt(her sister). This accusation would ruin this person's life and possibly mine if this "rumor" was to get out! I'm really at a loss in what to do. She has been getting really hard to deal with lately during a simple conversation and she gets really aggitated. I cant bring myself to even visit her because I usually leave upset. Advice???
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For last 6monthsMy Dad has been in a care home.Settled quickly then it all changed about3 months ago. Tells lies all the time. Wants to go home. Has tried saying carers not good. Costs too much. Even said the manager said he's changing rules and he's to leave. Now his time is finished in care and he's going home. No discussion. Sitting with bin bag packed all the time now. Asking for money for bus fares and house keys. Says if I don't help move his stuff I will go in one day and he will be away. Also says dead relatives visit and he's been outside. All lies. What do you all do to cope with this.
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A lady I take care of believes things happen recently and I know they haven't. We had one today. A Home Care company came today to evaluate her. She believes someone came a week ago and I know no one did. My patient curses me out, and screams.
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Oh Margaret67, I am so sorry about your mother's behavior. Can you imagine being fearful of a shower and having to physically fight with your adult child over it? She must be in a world of pain. She deserves a different environment, so at least she has a chance to interact normally with her daughter when she visits.

And you ... oh my goodness! What a terrible situation you are living in. None of this is your fault. You've done your best for Mom for many years. Through No Fault of your own, your best is not sufficient to overcome the damage in her brain. It is time to turn her care over to professionals.

My mother was a real sweetheart, even after she developed dementia, BUT she resisted and fought taking a shower or using a walk-in tub. She lived with my sister for 14 months. Her mobility issues became worse and Sis was no longer able to care for her in her home. Sis tearfully announced that and the 3 of us sisters immediately went into gear to find a suitable placement. None of us blamed her at all. We were so grateful that Mom had this transition period after leaving her apartment. In less than a month Mom was moved into a nursing home very near one of us.

The first week a couple of us were visiting when an aide came in with a robe and towel and said, "This is a day when you get a shower. You don't have to get out of your wheelchair, I'll bring you down there." My sister and I braced ourselves. And Mom said, "Oh. OK" and off they went. She was in the nh two and half years and she never once argued about a shower. And our stay-at-home, shy-around-strangers mom participated in every activity they offered! She had never done crafts in her life, and here she was proudly telling us she made the construction-paper daffodil on her door.

I am just trying to encourage you not to despair or expect the worse now that your mother needs a different level of care. It is possible she will even relax a bit and start to enjoy herself. No guarantee, of course, but I can testify that it can happen!

The absolute best case scenario is that your sisters work with you to come up with a solution. It will be so much easier on EVERYONE if you plan and act as a team. You all want the best for Mother, and it is not possible for her to have that in the present situation. No one's fault, no blame. Just let's move on to the next part of this journey.

Keep us posted here. We care!
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Margaret,
It sounds like your mom is ready for memory care. I hate to say, things will only get worse from this point. Been there, done that.

When a confused (demented) person becomes too much to handle, (mentally OR physically), it's time to move them into an environment that can better help with their needs.

I, too, had to physically remove my mother's clothes and force her in the shower and to clean up on the toilet. Also, because she would take off her clothes and urinate on the floor, we had to tape her pijamas together, even though one of us slept in her room all night. She'd pick at the tape all night then be naked in bed and urinate there too. I just couldn't take the screaming at the top of her lungs at 2am when I had to get another diaper on. I was worried we'd be evicted! Not to mention what it was doing to my psyche.
I became someone I didn't want to be. I was resentful, angry and frustrated just about all day. I couldn't be her daughter, I had to be a caregiver of a mini-monster.

It sounds like your mom has come to the point where she no longer can receive care in your private home.

I would talk to your siblings and tell them, because of these things and how it affects you, that you can no longer keep your mother. Take videos on your phone so you have proof, if they would question you.

Also, what impact is this having on your children? Are they traumatized by her behavior?

Check out Social Services to see if she would qualify for any services (like memory care or nursing home). She will have to qualify financially. She can't make too much on Social Security (around $1300./month I think) or have more than $2000. in the bank.

Most caregivers can't keep living with anger and lies. Some caregivers may be "superhuman" and turn off any human feelings. But I don't know of too many of them. It's only normal to be offended by her accusations. Too many offenses for too long can wear on us, it becomes the straw that broke the camel's back.

Good luck.
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