Husband with dementia in denial.

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Thank you Geri...your comments are very encouraging. I am going to try and get him to to go to his Dr. or at least call his Dr and talk to him about my husband's condition.
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Kashi,
Your comments regarding your spouse sounds so much like us before he went to the doctor and had tests done to determine what the problem was. One day my husband went to an appointment then afterwards he did not know where he was or even know our vehicle. He sat down on the ground and waited, had cell phone but said he did not know to call me or go back into the office he had been to for about 20-30 minutes. He then saw our vehicle, drove home and told me what had happened. We called our doctor!

Please try to get him to see his doctor, you never know what may happen and we have found with 3 new medications, my husband is doing much better. I am sure in time he will progress to a new stage but for now he is holding on.

Geri
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Thank you all for your helpful comments. I will try to be more observant of his behavior...I agree it is really hard to understand whether it's dementia or not as I do think (as others have mentioned)..they try and 'cover up' or hide their behaviors or flat out deny them. I have also been after him about the bill paying as I've noticed some bills not being paid esp if I get the mail. I have had to bring this to his attention and he always has some excuse. As a result I have taken over a lot of that chore although I hesitate to take over everything so as to not show him that I don't trust him at all - but the important bills I pay. The hard part is that he will never agree to go to a Dr about it...as he thinks he's fine and it turns into a big argument. So it's always harder on the healthy spouse to have to deal with a spouse's behavior.. I have actually thought of leaving him as our relationship has deteriorated to a point that I'm not sure I want to live the rest of my life with someone like this. Then I feel bad that I'm being too selfish!
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Good Morning Everyone, I have read all of your comments and suggestions and you are all so right. I especiallylike the comment by Reverserole that "treat your LO like a customer and the customer is always right". I am trying so hard to do this because my husband gets so angry if I ever correct him about anything. He says I know I'm wrong and you're right! His favorite thing to do is to then stomp off to his tv room and loudly slam the door.

He is now telling everyone he has had a stroke which caused him to loose his short term memory. He tells them he can still remember a few things and his long term memory is just fine. One doctor did tell him it's possible he has had TIA's which could have caused his illness but nothing showed up on his tests so they aren't sure what the cause was. He is a heart patient with a long family history of blocked arteries so it sounds to us as if this could be the problem with his brain also. The medications (Aricept, Xanex & Seroquel) he is now taking has helped his memory as well as the anger problems so at this time we are doing well. I now have to learn how to change ME to be a little different with him and at 71 that is hard to do!
Thank all of you so much.
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Kashi 60, by what I hear and my own experiences with my husband (dementia). By the time I really notice something was really wrong,my husband was diagnosed with moderate dementia.I recall that he would forget his keys, miss the exit going home and forget where he was going. He was very short tempered etc. His PCP and Psychiatrist which have been treating him never so this coming on, I took him to the ER because he was out of it .The ER doctor was the one that had him see the neurologist the next day and dementia was confirmed. What you need to do is take him to the doctor.Hoping is info will help you.
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Don't always look for memory issues to be the sure sign of dementia. Any significant cognitive changes are symptoms. My father still has a relatively good short-term memory, but his ability to understand consequences of actions and his ability to figure out anything abstract is almost gone. His attention to hygiene is borderline unhealthy and he's completely unable to figure out how to pay his bills, though he insisted vehemently that he was taking care of them just fine. We finally had to force him to hand over the checkbook. Dementia takes many forms.
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I'm not sure if my husband has dementia or not. Sometimes I think he does and other times not. How can you really tell? He seems to be more stubborn than he used to be. He also thinks he can do things that I know he cannot (and by the way doesn't do)! We have an ongoing battle with getting repair work done on the house and he keeps saying he's going to do it and he never does then he gets upset if I hire someone to do the work. I know that he cannot physically climb a ladder and do repairs/clean gutters, etc...but in his mind he can do this! I have a hard time understanding this and why he cannot accept the fact that he's not able to do this anymore. I'm not sure if it's more of a masculine issue...or dementia or a combination of both! His personal hygiene is becoming worse. On the other hand, he doesn't seem to be forgetting things. So all I can seem to "observe" is his unrealistic view of his physical abilities. I keep telling him that we are getting older and cannot do the things we once did...to try and help him ...that he's not alone in not being able to do things but he appears to be in denial about his physical decline..
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Geri, Is it so important to actually call it dementia when you talk to your husband? There's nothing he can do about it, so why is it necessary to label it? He has a rotten memory now, he knows that. His temper is shorter then it used to be, he knows that too. If it bothers him to call it dementia, I wouldn't pursue it, I'd let it go.
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Dementia is a lot more than memory loss. The demented mind also thinks they can do things and take care of themselves even when they can't. My father has dementia caused from a stroke and will tell you he did things he didn't actually do. Such as taking meds, eating and paying bills. Any one reading this please look closer at your friend or relative with dementia. It could be worse than you think. My Dad also has a permanent catheter and woke up one night and decided he could pee on his own and pulled his catheter out. Needless to say there was trip to the emergency room. Dementia is hard thing to deal with for the caregiver. I pray for anyone dealing with this horrible mind eating disease.
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Geri,I also have a spouse with dementia in denial,he will to anyone that listens that i am the one with dementia or that i do not know what i am saying.He also says that his doctors do not know what they are doing. My spouse is taking namenda and i do see some change. I have stopped saying"you already ask me that" I just answer again, I also tell him to remind me if he thinks i forgot to say or do something.I also have a mother with dementia and i am her caregiver also. I take everyday one day at a time. Blessings to all the Caregivers.
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