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Thank you Geri...your comments are very encouraging. I am going to try and get him to to go to his Dr. or at least call his Dr and talk to him about my husband's condition.
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Kashi,
Your comments regarding your spouse sounds so much like us before he went to the doctor and had tests done to determine what the problem was. One day my husband went to an appointment then afterwards he did not know where he was or even know our vehicle. He sat down on the ground and waited, had cell phone but said he did not know to call me or go back into the office he had been to for about 20-30 minutes. He then saw our vehicle, drove home and told me what had happened. We called our doctor!

Please try to get him to see his doctor, you never know what may happen and we have found with 3 new medications, my husband is doing much better. I am sure in time he will progress to a new stage but for now he is holding on.

Geri
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Thank you all for your helpful comments. I will try to be more observant of his behavior...I agree it is really hard to understand whether it's dementia or not as I do think (as others have mentioned)..they try and 'cover up' or hide their behaviors or flat out deny them. I have also been after him about the bill paying as I've noticed some bills not being paid esp if I get the mail. I have had to bring this to his attention and he always has some excuse. As a result I have taken over a lot of that chore although I hesitate to take over everything so as to not show him that I don't trust him at all - but the important bills I pay. The hard part is that he will never agree to go to a Dr about it...as he thinks he's fine and it turns into a big argument. So it's always harder on the healthy spouse to have to deal with a spouse's behavior.. I have actually thought of leaving him as our relationship has deteriorated to a point that I'm not sure I want to live the rest of my life with someone like this. Then I feel bad that I'm being too selfish!
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Good Morning Everyone, I have read all of your comments and suggestions and you are all so right. I especiallylike the comment by Reverserole that "treat your LO like a customer and the customer is always right". I am trying so hard to do this because my husband gets so angry if I ever correct him about anything. He says I know I'm wrong and you're right! His favorite thing to do is to then stomp off to his tv room and loudly slam the door.

He is now telling everyone he has had a stroke which caused him to loose his short term memory. He tells them he can still remember a few things and his long term memory is just fine. One doctor did tell him it's possible he has had TIA's which could have caused his illness but nothing showed up on his tests so they aren't sure what the cause was. He is a heart patient with a long family history of blocked arteries so it sounds to us as if this could be the problem with his brain also. The medications (Aricept, Xanex & Seroquel) he is now taking has helped his memory as well as the anger problems so at this time we are doing well. I now have to learn how to change ME to be a little different with him and at 71 that is hard to do!
Thank all of you so much.
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Kashi 60, by what I hear and my own experiences with my husband (dementia). By the time I really notice something was really wrong,my husband was diagnosed with moderate dementia.I recall that he would forget his keys, miss the exit going home and forget where he was going. He was very short tempered etc. His PCP and Psychiatrist which have been treating him never so this coming on, I took him to the ER because he was out of it .The ER doctor was the one that had him see the neurologist the next day and dementia was confirmed. What you need to do is take him to the doctor.Hoping is info will help you.
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Don't always look for memory issues to be the sure sign of dementia. Any significant cognitive changes are symptoms. My father still has a relatively good short-term memory, but his ability to understand consequences of actions and his ability to figure out anything abstract is almost gone. His attention to hygiene is borderline unhealthy and he's completely unable to figure out how to pay his bills, though he insisted vehemently that he was taking care of them just fine. We finally had to force him to hand over the checkbook. Dementia takes many forms.
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I'm not sure if my husband has dementia or not. Sometimes I think he does and other times not. How can you really tell? He seems to be more stubborn than he used to be. He also thinks he can do things that I know he cannot (and by the way doesn't do)! We have an ongoing battle with getting repair work done on the house and he keeps saying he's going to do it and he never does then he gets upset if I hire someone to do the work. I know that he cannot physically climb a ladder and do repairs/clean gutters, etc...but in his mind he can do this! I have a hard time understanding this and why he cannot accept the fact that he's not able to do this anymore. I'm not sure if it's more of a masculine issue...or dementia or a combination of both! His personal hygiene is becoming worse. On the other hand, he doesn't seem to be forgetting things. So all I can seem to "observe" is his unrealistic view of his physical abilities. I keep telling him that we are getting older and cannot do the things we once did...to try and help him ...that he's not alone in not being able to do things but he appears to be in denial about his physical decline..
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Geri, Is it so important to actually call it dementia when you talk to your husband? There's nothing he can do about it, so why is it necessary to label it? He has a rotten memory now, he knows that. His temper is shorter then it used to be, he knows that too. If it bothers him to call it dementia, I wouldn't pursue it, I'd let it go.
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Dementia is a lot more than memory loss. The demented mind also thinks they can do things and take care of themselves even when they can't. My father has dementia caused from a stroke and will tell you he did things he didn't actually do. Such as taking meds, eating and paying bills. Any one reading this please look closer at your friend or relative with dementia. It could be worse than you think. My Dad also has a permanent catheter and woke up one night and decided he could pee on his own and pulled his catheter out. Needless to say there was trip to the emergency room. Dementia is hard thing to deal with for the caregiver. I pray for anyone dealing with this horrible mind eating disease.
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Geri,I also have a spouse with dementia in denial,he will to anyone that listens that i am the one with dementia or that i do not know what i am saying.He also says that his doctors do not know what they are doing. My spouse is taking namenda and i do see some change. I have stopped saying"you already ask me that" I just answer again, I also tell him to remind me if he thinks i forgot to say or do something.I also have a mother with dementia and i am her caregiver also. I take everyday one day at a time. Blessings to all the Caregivers.
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Denial can be a very useful coping mechanism. So can acceptance. From the beginning my husband had lucid moments when he recognized very painfully what was happening to him. There was no use trying for denial. Instead I've worked very hard at reassurance. "You have a very fine mind. You are well educated and smart. Right now you have a disease that isn't letting your brain work at full capacity. I will keep you safe, and I will do part of the job your brain used to do." He has Lewy Body Dementia, and over the years we've come to blame things on Lewy. "I'm sorry you had such a bad morning. Lewy was really being tough on you, wasn't he?"

Denial or acceptance? Case-by-case, do whatever works for the individuals involved! I suspect that denial is more common. I just want to share that knowledge and acceptance can be the right path for some individuals.
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I learned about personalities in general. I am a hairdresser and I have customers of all ages, personalities types, illnesses, professions, etc. The one thing I need to do is communicate and treat every person according to individual qualities, I have to figure out more about a persons likes and dislikes, and that is actually mostly the hard part. Most of all I have to make them comfortable with expressing their needs in a manner so that they trust me to do my job well for them.
So... I'll give an example : A young boy came in crying and screamed (that's putting lightly) every time he was getting a haircut. Then one of the girls I worked with recommended me (I have a lot of patience). I was thinking OH Great!!!! So I went up to the boy and I said to him "My name is Suzy what is your name?" he says "Steven" I said "I want to show you my stuff is that OK?" he says "OK" I showed him my water bottle, let him squirt it...then I showed him my scissors, then the comb,cape etc. Then I said " I explained that I use these tools to make people look good and feel good and pointed out that everyone else getting their haircut was enjoying it! So then I asked him if he would sit in my chair and let me put the cape on ? He said "OK", then I asked "can I comb your hair and wet it so I could cut your hair and make you handsome?" He says to me "OK you can do that but"...." I AM NOT GONNA' LIKE IT!" everyone laughed.
The point I am trying to make here is, sometimes to reach a goal you need to gain a trust, not force your actions, and in a calm way, treat a person as if they are in control of what is going to happen. Imagine a child in a chair about to get a haircut by a person they do not know, putting a cape on and then, that stranger comes at them with sharp objects and all they know is that pieces of them are being removed and falling to the floor. As adults we know it's harmless and a good thing, a child has no idea why he's being forced into a scary situation, and the mother or father they trust is not protecting him from a fearful situation.
A person with dementia usually wants to hide the fact that they need help or that they are losing control and may not understand why. So they guard themselves by refusing to admit that they need help. They usually don't trust anyone, they fear loss of control, they may not really understand what you are trying to do is best for them.
Just like the little boy he probably really wanted to enjoy the haircut but he just needed to be treated like he was in control of his feelings about the haircut. Once he realized it was his decision to enjoy or dislike the process he no longer got upset about it. By the way he left a happy handsome child.
I guess this story came to my mind because, your intentions are good and it's because you care, but the way you approach the situation may be the hard part.
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There is some good advice here but I would add what God would say over him and that is who he is in Christ especially if he has accepted the Jesus into his heart/life. type in search engine "knowing who I am in Christ" by joyce meyer may get you the scriptures. If you are a believer in Jesus you have authority in Jesus name to kick the devil out. Read Mark 16:17. Remember also the battle belongs to the Lord. He is a big God, much bigger than the devil can make things appear.
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I'd suggest also, make a list of any medications and all doctor contact info along with any other contact info for him/her to go in their wallet/purse. If they get lost or in an accident it could be valuable to any one trying to help. Also keep a list on the refrigerator so it's handy for you in case of emergency. Sometimes you get too excited to remember what is where and who takes what meds & how often. Blessings! Judy
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Reverseroles is right on target. There is no reason for a person with dementia to be told he/she has it. Why make them feel bad? If they forget something, just remind them . Have LOTS of patience. Write notes and put them where they'll be seen. My husband can't remember our address or phone number. I used large marking pens and wrote them for him. Suggestion: buy a "dry eraser" bulletin board (Amazon carries them). They stick on the wall and can be moved. Put reminders on it for your loved ones. Be kind. Smile a lot. Don't criticize. Praise !
Sending you hugs!!! Chonie
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Geri, I say whats wrong with denial, let him think what he wants if it makes him feel better. When my Mom started to lose her memory and I would say "you already asked me that" it really upset her. I started to say "sometimes if you forget things and I will remember them for you ok, but when I forget please remind me?" and she would laugh!! Hey we all forget things." She said that I always made her feel "So Good" and now that she cannot talk, I cherish those memories.You are only in the beginning stages and why stick in his mind something is wrong. Have him medically checked for b12 (memory loss) etc and if he is starting dementia, I would say to roll with the waves and make him as happy as he can be. No one wants to think tey are losing their mind, think about it, thats so scary. At a support group I attended years ago with the Alzheimers Association they told us to treat the loved one as if they are the customer and that "The customer is always right." It was the best advice I ever got and worked like a charm. Just my thoughts... Good luck!
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My husband is also in denial about his physical abilities. Not sure about his mental state! Seems deminta can be very sutle. Sometimes i do wonder if he doesn.t have bit of it.
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vincent23 - $4,300 per month is a very substantial income for a retired person. Depending upon where you live, your father would probably have a number of Al communities to choose from with his income and assets (his house). Or, he can afford to have help come in to his home on a scheduled basis. Medicaid coverage of nursing care is reserved for indigent seniors.

Geri41 - Whether he's in denial about it doesn't matter so much as it being diagnosed and you gearing up to handle it. Involve his doctor.
I know folks who have severe dementia who, if asked, MIGHT admit they SOMETIMES have trouble remembering things. Being able to accurately self-assess is one of the first skills that goes.
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My husband has somewhat accepted that his memory isn't "right" but that is about as far as he will go. He allows me to drive because he knows I am afraid of his driving and his doctor told him it was dangerous for him to. He is taking Aricept and Seroquel and that has calmed his anger spells but not stopped them completely. He is not repeating himself as he did but he does still get lost near home and forgets what day/date it is. I purchased a wall clock that tells the day/date/temp & time for his bathroom, he tells me this clock has help him a lot. Other than these things, he seems to be doing well at this time.
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No diagnosed dementia in my parents, but what I hear from everyone who deals with it is that denial pretty much goes with the territory. Anyone who starts to lose mental or physical capacity clings, inwardly or outwardly, to the belief they will "get over it" as if it were a flu.
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Medicaid has an income allowance of $2022.00 per month. They also do have some Assisted Living Communities, but be aware you brother must have a prescription from the doctor to get in.

If they will provide a caregiver it is usually only a couple of hours per day, and they would most likely put a lien on his house.
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My brother diagnose with Dementia and is in denial. life is not the same for him, and us his siblings. he needs help but follow instructions. he gets angry sometimes when being help, he thinks he can still do daily activity normally, but he can't anymore. He has an income of $4,289.00 monthly and his private home. He lives with my brother, his home is rented to cover its expense. With his assets, would he be able to get medicaid to have a 24/7 home care. presently he needs 24/7 help. how can we go about to get such help. Thank you.
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Tell us more! I have a father in denial as well. Dementia is a "wide" term and there are lots of mental illness diagnoses under the umbrella of dementia. What are his issues, what is his behavior like? How are they affecting his live and just as important, how is it affecting YOUR life? Is he on any meds?

-SS
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