Well an update about my grandmother, she's doing well physically but mentally however she still has her hallucinations and confusion. Today I visited her and she was going about how they put a tracking device on her and she seemed to be upset about it and didn't remember of course she was trying to leave. I tried to explain why and perhaps why she didn't remember but she started to accuse me of using her and agreeing with the doctors and wanting her to be placed in a home. It is very hard on me but I have to let her go in a way knowing she's not really herself anymore. She has her good days she can remember things but then later on she'll start to think she's somewhere else. She imagine things such as saying there was someone sleeping the bed next to her and she looked like someone she knew but no one did. She would get agitated with me when I try to explain why she can not have this or that and the nurse will come in and explain it to her but she will continuously ask why she can't have it. She tend to forget a lot of what she said or what was said and sometimes she rearrange words to sound like someone was being mean to her or she didn't say anything and accuse a nurse or a patient of abuse. She was for some part acting as if she was a caretaker and tried to help other patients but when the nurses or aides try to tell her she can't she would call me saying they are trying ot get her fired or that she's suing them for saying she can't work. It's been rough and today she was upset and saying that I didn't love her and she doesn't respect me anymore for her being placed. I couldn't say anymore since earlier they have already told her she may not be able to live on her own. She is aware sadly of some of the things she has done and is afraid to seem to play it off or get into a fit to blame someone else. For a while the nurse and PT and even I thought she had a UTI but it came negative and that her levels are all good however she's losing weight since she's been there. She's been eating but losing weight and she's not dehydrated either. So I guess now is just work on myself to get to where I need to be and hope she'll settle down. It's just hard watching the person who raised you now become totally different, mean, and completely gone in a way. I feel that she's giving up or already gave up and now there is just a shell left that is thriving and not living. Thanks for your support and prayers. I just pray that she will be at peace with herself.

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Yes it is hard very hard to swallow, but I feel she's too much of a danger to live here anymore. She will forget about leaving things on and she may seem with it but I've seen too many times she's very forgetful an confused about alot of things. The sad part is she doesn't remember and if she mentions about this or that if you try to explain she will get upset very quickly and will say "You think I'm crazy don't you" and start to become angry or sad and throw things. It's very hurtful to see her act like this and there isn't much we can do just to place her somewhere where she can be safe.

lillyrae, thank you for taking the time to share this update. You are right. It is so very sad and hard to see a loved one declining before our eyes. I wouldn't think of it as "givng up" -- that implies there is something she could do if she just worked hard enough. Sadly, I don't think that is the case.

It is time for you to work on what needs to happen in your own life. That will be a living tribute to the good care your grandmother gave you growing up.

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