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We have 5 dogs in our household, including Mom's little Maltese. Mom is understandably attached to her, but it goes way beyond that and Mom treats Mitzi like she is her little doll or baby. She continually feeds Mitzi from her her table, and I have been asking/telling Mom not to do that for the last 6 years or so. Even though Mom has mild dementia, she KNOES I don't like it when she does this, because when she doesn't know I'm there, she looks around to see if I am watching, then gives Mitzi food (usually from her fork). This has caused Mitzi to be overly territorial toward our other dogs when they so much as pass by on their way to get water, etc. I am beyond angry. I have lost any semblance of patience. I have tried explaining to Mom why it's a bad idea to feed Mitzi from her table. It is making Mitzi a spoiled little dog who attempts to rule the roost. Please advise.

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When my mom went into memory care, I took her little poodle to live with me so that mom would have visitation rights. The dog has spent the first five years of her life with my mom...no other pets, and only us coming over to mom's house. She (the dog) is not socialized very well with 2 adults or other pets. I have gotten her trained to stay in one spot while my kitty eats, the the jealously is still a problem and so is her barking at my husband every time he moves. Ignoring unacceptable and rewarding positive behavior works just like with children. You can spend about 5-10 minutes each day working with the dog to reinforce the positive behaviors.

Pincone~I am sorry if you feel slighted here, but this is RobertaCapeCod's thread.
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My mother totally doted on her dog(s) while being a mean, spiteful narcissist to humans. Long ago she wanted her new pup to sleep in the bed. My late father said no so she moved herself and the pup into the spare room. For the last 12 years of his life my father slept alone. Unbelievable I know. She loaded up her last dog, Sue, on cookies, toast or whatever she was eating and she was obese, snappy and bit my mother from time to time though she never bit me and listened well. Her previous dog was morbidly obese, eventually developed diabetes, went blind and died.

Sue, a miniature pinscher x jack russell (and mother's cat) came to live with me when my mother went into a nursing home. I live out in the country on 2 acres and I'm home most of the time. Since being here Sue has lost the extra weight, turned into the sweetest little thing and become very attached to her big sis, Ash, a middle aged black lab that came from rescue last year. She'll be 5 soon and she's living the high life.
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Hello,
I somehow feel you are responding to RobertainCapeCod. I posted a concern as Pinecone. A bit of a different situation than hers. But thank you.
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You have a problem and need to seek counseling before you are in trouble.
A dog can be every bit as important as a child to a person.
I am sorry a dog never grows up, you were supposed to have already.
How sad she has to "obey" someone she raised, and she still respects you as evidenced by her looking around first. This is very sad tom me.
That dog will make her happy and live longer and some day both will be gone and that sweet lady's funny acts will not seem so sinister, but rather will make tears flood from your eyes crying if she were here now I would let her feed a turkey to the doggy.
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I am struggling with mom and dad feeding their 10 year old shepherd mix all of their table scraps, which are many. They both have mod dementia and do not see the problem. The dog has gained 24 pounds this past year and is obese, panting constantly, The trips out for the dog to do her business are getting farther in between.
I need help in deciding what to do.My parents do love the dog, but they have passed the point of reason. It is very sad.
Any advice would be so appreciated.
Thank you.
Pinecone
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Aww, RobertaCapeCod, I just read your second post, and I am so, so, sorry that happened to you as a child. My mom was much the same, blaming us Dad or kids when something was wrong, and barely acknowledging our existence otherwise. Good for you, though - you have grown far beyond your mother in emotional maturity. Hang in there! You're now an adult, and your mother owes you some respect and gratitude for the incredible love you are showing her by allowing her to live in your home. If she refuses to give you that respect and gratitude, it says a lot more about her than it does about you, believe me.
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I have much the same problem. We just had over $1000 in vet bills because of Mom feeding her little dog people food. He had pancreatitis and hemmoragic gastritis and almost died. What drives me crazy is that Mom argues with me when I tell her the vet said he can no longer have anything but low-fat dog food and tries to sneak him stuff every chance she gets. What I finally had to do was to put all the dogs either outside or in another room when Mom was eating. It was an adjustment, but after a couple of weeks they (and Mom:) quit whining about it, and now they go where I tell them at mealtimes with no problem.
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P.S. He loves her more then he loves himself
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My mom spoils her dog just like yours and it drove me nuts to no end, until 1 day she told me that her dog was her best friend. This dog has slowed her dementia down. I take care of my mom 24/7 but I have 5 children and a husband,( which I only have 2 left living with me), and she reallizes my life can't revolve around just her even though she tries. I won't let it happen either. I try and balance myself between everyone. But her dog never leaves her sight, he waits patiently at the door when she uses the bathroom, he sits with her while I am with other family members or cleaning. Before dementia she would of never owned a dog much less have him in the house. My mom lost my dad a little over a year ago and lonliness set in until her new bestfriend found his way into her heart. I am thankful for her dog because he will never be angry with her, he will always listen to her, he gives her unconditional love even though she forgets, he's patient with her, he stands by her side through whatever she is going through and he will never leave her. I just wish people had more of that in them. But whatever makes her happy and keeps her calm I can sure learn to accept her feeding her dog at the table because to her he is her bestfriend and she loves him. Personally I do not like indoor animals but I have seen what he has done for her. And when I am unable to sit with her I can sure rely on her bestfriend being there and that comforts me.
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My mum does exactly the same with our dog, she wouldn't have allowed it in the past when she was well. We ask her to leave it on the plate for him and we will give it him in his dish, works if we catch her doing it, perhaps you could have a small side plate where she can put any food she wants to give her dog and then share it with all of them, I know its difficult as its like groundhog day every day and its forgotten and needs to be repeated. I've learnt mum doesn't always see the reason in things and as she forgets its easier not get her or yourself upset and go with the flow.
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I am going to find that book locally tomorrow, one way or another. Thank you!
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Ah, some dysfunctional behavior in the past! How very sad, and what an extra burden that adds to an already overwhelming task of taking care of someone with dementia.

I hope that you have now fully accepted that you don't "make" anyone do anything. Your mother's behavior in the past was what she decided to do, not what you made her do. (A mental illness may have made her do irrational things, but that was never your fault.)

A book I highly recommend is "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss.
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Thanks Jeanne! You're right, I should stay put near Mom while we're having our food. That makes alot of sense in a way that woldn't make either one of us upset. Later on today, after the last episode, Mom sulked near the back door in her wheelchair, and said something along the lines of what she has been saying since I was little: "Why don't you kill me?"... in th past when she was upset she did alot of things that were bad, like making us watch her cut her wrists and then saying: "Now look what you made me do!". I can't help but feel the old feelings, and the incidences with her dog and her reaction bring it all back. Sorry if I am a little emotional, I'm just worn out. But thank you, Jeanne, I will certainly give your advice a try. :-)
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First of all, after 6 years it is time to accept that what you are doing isn't working.

Mother has dementia. I doubt very much that her behavior is going to change.

It apparently works to be with Mother while she is eating. Could you possibly spend her entire mealtimes with her? Your presence seems to be a deterrent to feeding Mitzi from the table.

I would guess that if Mitzi is a spoiled dog and has been for 6 years, even a change in your mother's behavior isn't going to "unspoil" the dog.
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