I just found out, via my oldest daughter, that my mother, 92 and living alone, had some eye surgery . She took a taxi there and back. But I am concerned that she is hiding things from us and don't know how to address this. She is in avoidance about her age---she wanted a new car this summer!

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I agree, then, it is just the way it is. Be thankful she is independent. Maybe some day a crisis will change things, but until then accept her how she is.

Hi...she is independent....but not easy to communicate with. It wasn't cataract---she had that done 10 years ago...But my mother does not like to communicate much---whenever we call she NEVER picks up the phone but lets it go to voicemail and then she might return the call many days later! When the storm Sandy roared thru--she NEVER called to let me know all was well and she never responded to numerous phone calls. She likes to be the one in control. I cannot help her much--I live 2,000 miles away! So, it is just the way it is...

Gosh, at least she took a taxi to the surgery! She sounds like a feisty independent woman, and that is something to be glad about.

Without "prying" or making her defensive it sounds like it might be time to increase the casual communication you have with her and try to keep abreast of what is going on in her life. If she had cataract surgery there is a schedule of eye drops that must be applied for several days. Most people would appreciate some help with that. The trick is offering help without getting her dander up and causing her to be more evasive. If you get that honed to a science, come back and let us know -- lots of us could use help with that!

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