Mom talked to me about her guilt of me not having a life caring for her.

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I was so surprised today when my mom 83 yrs old and has all kinds of health issues asked to talk to me and said she wanted me to know that she feels guilty that I moved in with her gave up my life and does not want to ask me to do all the things she really wants me to do around the house ( that needs lots of work) and wishes my sister who lives next door would do more. I let her vent and I tried not to cry but I'm so emotional and shed a few. I told her this is where God wants us right now(she has faith but not practicing) and that we are both very lucky to have eachother and a roof over our heads. She amazes me sometimes and others I have those angry feelings and need to remember these good times and that she won't be here forever. She mentioned that she is either gonna end up in a diaper and not able to help herself ( she does a little feeding and bathroom) or he's gonna take me with a stroke or heartattack. So weird to me talking to her about this stuff. I do love my mom however a year before I moved in I was not close to here for childhood reasons and now all that has gone away and I live to care for her with all my heart. I hope my daughter will learn from me and others will too. It's a tough spot to be in but I would not change it for anything. I love you mom glad your here :)

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Dear Burntout,
You are so lucky to have a kind and considerate mother. I can understand your desire to want to care for her, her empathy for you makes it easier. Not all elderly parents are like that and as a result, their adult children what nothing to do with their care. Wish my mother was like yours. Mine is always complaining and never satisfied even though she is financially secure and is in relatively good health. I can never see myself wanting to care for a person like that and will never do so. I envy you and your mothers relationship. Bless you both!
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I'm glad to hear that.
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Much better, he still has a bad day now and again. I do understand this was a bigger adjustment on his behalf than mine. (selling our home and moving into my mothers) I should also mention that while we lost my Dad on April 11 we had just lost my father-in-law on March 19. So my husband was already going through alot.... The offer to sell our house and move to my mothers was thrown out there by my husband because he knew I was not going to even think of placing Mom in a nh after all she had gone through. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful husband and the little trouble he gave me doesn't amount to much next to all the good he has done for my Mom around the house etc. (after all she is my resposiblity not his, yet he is still here helping when he can)
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keepmomhome, How are things going with your husband now?
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when I moved in with my Mother to care for her, my husband was having a hard time of it and it was causing problems with us. My Mom apologized for causing me all the stress... Needless to say after a good cry out of both of us, I told her SHE hasn't caused me any stress by caring for her and although I do get tired alot I wouldn't have it any other way.
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I liked this post. I have always said I would be here for my Mother when the time came that I would be needed. I have been with her now for 2 1/2 years & wouldn't be anywhere else. Yes, there are very frustrating times & times of lots of learning, but it is worth it all to hear the stories & the comment:" I still have dreams, you know." My Mother is 96 1/2. She also talks about not wanting to give up my life to care for her and in the same breath almost, she thanks me for being with her & for taking such good care of her. And I am so Thankful that I have such a sweetheart of a husband who is in total agreement that this is where we are supposed to be. Mom thinks he is very wonderful; She loves watching him work in the yard ;). I liked your comment, Burnout, about your daughter learning thru this experience. I have shared with my daughter a lot about this experience & she is already planning what to do with me. Oh Dear!
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Well said Bonny, I agree with you.
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I am proud of you too. As science has made it possible for people to live longer, I am not so sure that that is always the best because the QUALITY of life is not there, and more and more of us are spending much of our lives caring for our aging parents. While I do not advocate genocide, sometimes I wonder if this is a blessing or not, although I still like having my mother around, and will take her any way I can. But for those of us who do not get any other help, it just may shorten our own lives, yet I believe in God, and our rewards are in another world.
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I've had the exact same experience with my dad. We always butted heads when I was growing up but now we are so close. We never said "I love you" and never kissed but that is a daily thing now. We are taught by our faith to honor thy mother and father and that's exactly what you are doing. I too have a daughter who is going through all of this with me and it is teaching her the love and compassion that families thrive on. After all, that's all we have is each other. My dad also feels bad we take care of him and often is leary to ask for help but we do the best we can. We have a nice home and we have food on the table so we too are "blessed" more than so many others throughout the world. Relish every moment with you mom and when she is gone you will have peace and no regrets.. That's what I hold onto. I love my dad more than I ever thought possible and it took him 52 years to tell me he loved me but oh what a joyous day that was and I will never forget it. God bless and keep doing what you're doing until you can't do anymore. You will be rewarded greatly for taking care of your mom! Good Luck.
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Dear Burnout, Let me say as one daughter to another, I am very proud of you and what you are doing for your Mother, you only get one, and what you are doing for her will stay with you forever. You are so right, this is just where God intended you to be, with her, you are honoring her by your actions, and she really appriciates it. You will be so Blessed for what you are doing. Charish your Mom, love her, and spend as much time as you can, make her laugh, and laugh with her. Because there will come a time, that she won't be here, and you will then have many, many memories to hold onto. Stay strong, and keep the faith.
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