Sending Mom to nursing home, I feel bad but it is necessary.

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The state worker from Adult Protection Services came by and told my mother that when I left she would have to go the nursing home. Both of us wanted her to stay in the home but I must work and will not be there all the time. She has one caregiver who comes in 2-3 days a week but next week will out of time. I was laid off from my job in Dec. but unemployment benefits will soon run out as in the 3rd week in April. I will HAVE to work somewhere. I hate that my mother refuses to be cooperative with the state. She does not want us in her finances so we could possibly hire another person so that takes care of that. So it is in her best interests to be placed in a nursing home since I am the only child and would am an only child and there is not any oneelse to come. I am praying that she will go on her own in her mind.

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When and if my mom stops taking her meds, I will have to make the nursing home decision. Her ALZ is getting worse, but she is managing well enough to stay in the retirement home. But so far they have said they don't help with meds. No nurse on staff, not planning to get one. I don't feel able to go over there twice a day, but I'll have to see that she takes her meds. And I will.
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Who has POA of her and her finances. Since mom does not want you in her finances is she able to understand that if she hires you to take care of her it could be a good arrangement and she can stay in the house. Good luck with everything
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Butterfly, try a group home. My experience has been wonderful and the stress is much lower knowing that my loved one is in a place with loving, skilled, caring caregivers. Six people living in the home, 24/7 care with one or two people there at all times. Please give this a try. AL and NH are all understaffed and really don't care about their residents. I'm talking about management and most of the caregivers, not all. But, in a group home, your mom will be taken care of as if she is in someone's home, not an institution. Adult Protective Services should know of group homes in your area. Of course, check them out first. An honorable, trusted owner will allow you to visit and also for your mom to visit and stay for a week.
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These decisions are hard and I pray you have peace of mind through this process . My mom needs to go but refuses and she doesn't have dementia she still has a good mind her body is just wore out. There has got to be light at the end of the tunnel we have to just keep walking.
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Joann is right, all the assisted living that I visited were not able to accept Medicaid. There was one that had the AL wing connected to the memory care wing, and they would accept M.A. but only if you could prove your assets would cover 3 years of the memory care rate (even if you were staying in AL at first)--they would not accept new residents who only had M.A., or less than 3 yrs self-pay. I feel that is really the only reasonable way these sacred places can stay in business. If they only had M.A. patients they simply wouldn't have enough coming in to pay all the workers. Best wishes on your continuing challenges. Put your Self first.
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Assisted living is not covered by Medicaid. You need to know how much money she has and how much the house will sell for. Talk to the state employee to see how u can go about a POA with the state of mind ur Mom is in.
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I am being faced with this same dilemma. I am the only one of 4 kids who is doing what needs to be done because everyone else is in denial even though her neurologist said she was in the severe stage of dementia with alzheimers and delirium. Mom is insistent that she live at home but it isn't possible anymore. I work and have 2 teenagers - no room for mom as we are using every inch of our home. The doctor gave me 3 months to "do the right thing". I'm checking out all of them.
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You are lucky people are backing you up. My mom is in ALF because she can't walk, and needs help toileting dressing. No dimentia but the dr keeps telling me she should be home. im way overwhelmed. After 18 months of this I always wish I wasn't here now
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I don't think any children of elderly parents ever see a parent off to a nursing home without some regret or guilt. Unfortunately, as adults with lives of our own, taking care of an elder is a lot of work, and at some point most of them do eventually reside in a nursing home. At least she will get the care she needs, and a social atmosphere with her peers. I work in a nursing home, and constantly remind the bitter residents that they should be proud to have lived this long in life, and to find enjoyment in the time with they spend with visitors and family. You have done all you can, and just find solace in knowing that your time together will not be wasted doing errands, or providing tedious cares and you can enjoy each others company!
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I paid out of pocket for my husbands "rent" in a home. Nursing home was 6000 a month, the assisted living dementia unit was 3500 for a private room. If you have time, check a few places.... I got the price info over the phone. I wish you well. Not easy to do but something that has to be done for the health and safety and sanity of all people involved.
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