Selfishness...goes farther than family!

I hear ya JuJu...loud and clear! My recent conclusion to this, especially after the long discussion about "over sensitive" personality is 85% of the population are selfish and narcissistic and the other 15% are CAREGIVERS!

Yes I have learned that painful lesson thru this journey...my problem was I always thought since I feel this way, that is how everyone feels, I thought compassion lay in the heart, not the personality, as I do recognize we are not all alike! and with my family, they don't help because they can't, so I never realized. and I had never been in this spot where true colors are shown! yada yada yada!

Hah I completely understand the feeling, only it's my family doing it, since my parents ran off most of their friends years ago. Ask for help or set it up specifically, only to have people back out or refuse because they "don't feel well", then go see on facebook they don't feel too bad, they were out at a concert or off camping instead!
To hell with the lot of them imo. I stopped asking for assistance from them, just use paid caregivers when I must.
Worst is when mom sees it herself in her more lucid moments. How to explain to her that her son is a completely selfish idiot in a way that doesn't make me sound like the looney one! xD

AMEN

Let's face it - people generally don't like to be burdened by others...in word or deed. Lip service is far more common than the actual getting the hands dirty so to speak.

I lean upon God for comfort and strength, for I'm learning that He alone can be my help - choosing to give support as He pleases, not in the way I demand it.

And, I have to forgive those who turn a blind and willing eye towards my Mom and my needs.

I have two sayings that are helping me deal with this..
I used to walk into a room and wonder do they like me, now I wonder do I like them!
I used to be attracted to clever people now I am attracted to kind!

To realize that I have made a choice not to be around them is empowering, rather than feeling abandoned, hurt and alone!!

still sucks to be so lonely but what ya gonna do....

Yes losing the last of my friends in this manner happened for a reason to force me into faith...which I had no concept of before...faith is powerful too.

I have to add too....with the facebook thing, I usually keep up with what everyone doing there cuz I cant get out. So when I post something bout our troubles like when she broke her hip n shouldr . I was flooded with the whatever you need we are their for you posts by these "friends". It really makes em feel good to publicly support me im sure! oh oh im such a good friend cuz I can type I love you! but not one person offered any kind of support in person. never a phone call visit or anything... I even knew it was gonna be that way so all I asked is anyone going to town please let me know as I may hitch a ride to rehab as gas back n forth is going to kill me...crickets

And I am supposed bust my butt and get us all ready go shop buy a present and come to your bday party...I think I would rather scrub the toilet, thank you tho for the invite!!!

and they have no concept of the take care of you first issues I have to deal with, when I finally arrive to the event, with my well fed and dressed mother, in a dishelved in starving sweat, and go for a plate of food before I get her one,cuz she ate her meals already...I get snears n comments and people jumpin to take care of her! when I have all ready done it...cuz she cant eat that crap anyway and she makes a mess I have to clean up!! thank you lord for this place to dump my anger!!! I have no room in my life for it anymore!!!

I hear ya!!!

And even those that are willing to help out in many ways most always stop short on the 'ANYTHING you need...anything at all' deal when it comes to changing adult diapers.
I can't say I blame anyone on that count, but I do know a lot of my friends have probably learned a lesson from the experience...don't say 'anything' unless you truly mean 'anything.' Especially with me, because I will take you up on it.

LOL

i burned my bridge with one particular friend. she has relied on me for countless things in the last few years and all i asked her to do was give mom a little fem companionship from time to time. all i got from her was silence on the subject. she is now a history lesson to me. shed better get herself a pile of used tires cause this cat has cut the last firewood for her that ill ever cut.

My husband works in entertainment, so is never home evenings or weekends. Just so happens my birthday falls on a day when he's going to be having Sara Evans at his venue, so I told him I wanted to go, and he got me 4 tickets. Good deal, right? I figured Mom was doing well, so I could leave her alone with her medic alert for that length of time. Problem? My "friends" were all too busy to go out with me on my birthday (translation - they didn't want to leave their husbands on a Saturday night). So I told my husband no go on the concert, and my Mom and I will instead head north and I will spend my birthday with my children and grandchildren. I know THEY like me.

Yes I can appreciate that....the one friend I have that would even help me is 2 hrs away which is kinda hard to maneuver...and at least she was honest and sincere from the beginning. she sed I will help you anyway I can but what I cant do is change diapers...I absolutely barf...I could not change my childs diaper without it...she would get husband to do it whenever possible. and the distance is an issue with that...
but this type of support makes it possible to feel validated...and we are actually working out a solution to the problem...
I have been wanting for years to go to a reggae festival...turns out this friend had recently moved from my home state to this state, not 2 miles from the event...so we are working a plan to have her watch ma as I go and she is gonna call me on cell when mom is poopy...I still have no one to go with but I can go...1/2 the battle!

AMAZING WHAT 2 CAN DO WHEN THEY PUT THEIR HEADS TOGETHER!

All from one little comment I made to her about well now mom is wheelchair bound we will never be able to go....I cant change her diaper in public no where to lay her down.

Oh by the way the concert solution was just last nite!!! we just chatting away and boom there it is!

Juju, go to the concert. Have mom in the best position possible while your friend is there with her. Use the heavy duty pampers and also put a waterproof pad beneath her. Reassure your friend that if mom poops, you will deal with it when you get home. As long as your mom is not on the stage of "touching/playing" with her poop, you all are fine. This is a one-time even for YOU to get out, take advantage of it. Before you go to the concert, change your mom's pamper one last time. Put lots of Desitin or whatever cream you use on her - front and back. This way, if she does soil herself, the cream will be a barrier for several hours until you get back home. There really is No Need to drop everything to get back home to change her pamper. It's a one-time rare outting. She will not suffer with bedsores or severe diaper rashes for this one-time event. Just use lots of cream!

book, actually is a good idea, it is all day long, good chance be real hot, so getting away for an bit is actually perfect. I am too darn old for that kinda crazyness! actually it is 3days all day so I will just pic n choose when I wanna be their depending on who's playin when!!!

Wow, on our island, a concert then is considered a miniconcert. It definitely isn't an all day event for 3 days. Maybe a few hours for 1 or 3 nights in a row with limited seating. Here I was thinking you would go attend the 3 hour concert. =)

Ya I can imagine that...it is technically called a "festival" This area where she lives is known for big musical community.. they are now up to 5-6 of these events thruoght the summer....but this one's location is perfect cuz on the same country road she live on..just 2 miles down road!!!
Man FAITH and PRAYERS are really paying off, and this friend who located up few years ago, has shown me that...we laff cuz haven't seen each other in 14ys and it is like we never were apart except for she got 2 boys now 7,12 and we say crazy there was a reason we were brought back together!! I wish I could see her more...we only talk cple times a month and seeing 4-5 times since here.but everytime it is like old times I feel so at home comfortable and truly appreciated with her and she luvs my mama genuinely. you can see it oozes out of her. ..I will call more tho .....I love quotes too...so this is the one for the day! God helps those who help themselves!

We have a couple 3 day concerts a couple miles from me, but no raggae. They're really big events - people come from all over the world to be there.

Here is mine:
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
Ralph G. Nichols

EQ: I had to look where you were from... and I know I know the name of festival but having my own alz moment ....so which is it that come out there?

I have had it with negativity for a while I have been purging for weeks but I just have to say...I had a lightbulb moment in car ride home from ER this morn with ma....the one particular group of friends who I have real deep issues with, was because they always told me "you are part of our family now" so my expectations were askew.... as they are dysfunctional I came to learn...and so they dragged me into their craziness! ....that is just how they do it! i took it as they were not sincere, family don't supposed to do stuff like that, but then i see her do it to her daughter, yada yada yada....etc... ok done with the negative for a while!

AMEN!! My so called family, physically attacked me, my Uncle POA is spreading rumors that I only want money (crock of shi@), him and my brother are up to no good. My brother stole dads will found out a large amount was being donated on behalf of my mother, I think that is wonderful, my brother ...PISSED. I do not feel entitled to anything, however, I have been talked about to the point that my entire family hates me. It is really ironic, my Uncle who is POA had NEVER been to my dads house until I called him and begged him to go check him out. He called first and then finally went over. Dad has lived there 9 years and my uncle had never been there!!
I am a Military spouse 17 years, hubby is a LTC and we are stationed in Tampa at SOCOM. I go home and visit with dad a couple times a year for a few weeks.. But I have now been told I am not allowed to see him. No restraining order, so the POA, is just puffing out his chest because legally he can't not do that.
Anyway I have been hurt so much and cried so much that I do not call dad anymore. THEY WON! I send cards, but I feel he could call me, he is not that bad. I had to give up my father and my relationship with my father because my uncle is mean, spiteful man. I have a feeling, that it is about money and it will be the 2 of them that have things cooking. Very sad....I have no family, all because one person does not like me....I only spent 4 days with him.....My brother had told him things that were not true, and a 60 year old would rather listen to him, than to give me a chance!!BLAH

The Coachella & Stagecoach Music Festivals are both 1.5 miles from my house. We can hear them without going outside :)

Coachella..I knew it.
OK so I took my rant to facebook and OMG...A girlfriend hopped in the car and drove 1 mile with beer and helped me with mom...I am exhausted. I don't think I coulda done it with out her now. We laffed..we have now devised a plan to put my scuba gear and a rope on her son and have him mow my waist high lawn. so I can get some Vitamin D, as I will not. I have one sinkhole already and refuse to walk in my yard...furthurering this prison.by the way. anayway we laffed forever on that one...flippers!

And she is going to call me at 9pm every nite so I don't leave ma in her chair till all hours cuz half time I pass out after dinner. She also is a nail tech and is going to give me a pedi next week, cant wait!

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the TRUTH don't lie.
YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get their fast
Never stop to think...What's in it for me?
Or it's way too far?
They just show on up, with their big ol hearts
YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE!
Tracy Lawrence =}

JuJu Bean, we seem a lot alike. Keep your head up. You are not alone!

Ya i did it almost as a test and you know what...it was a blessing...
I tested my local friends and Jaw was on the ground litereally...when the phone rang saying Im on my way with some honeycrisp apple wheat shock top, and we sit on porch...i was too tired for that tho 90 deg....sat lookin at my jungle in the a/c.
But also-reconnected with an old friend from home with health issues, developed a relationship with her sis and friend both have cancer. Over one of my dry humor statements that sis actually took offense too initially, now we are all buds and supporting eachother!!!

I do have to complain about the closest neighbor tho.....see's us n wheelchair all the time, only a smile n a wave, and ambulances come n go....oh well! I envited them to a bbq when they arrived and have not been reciprocated ...oh well....
thing are lookin up!

Just replaced the 5 ys home aid (and fairweather friend) who quit with no notice just an email day b4 saying she aint coming...cuz she cant see mom go down hill....freakin people...She was the one supposed to take care of mom when she fell...she forgot something turned her back and now mom is probly gonna go real fast.....
that is her response...i cannot fathom the hearts these people have! she should have gave me notice tho is my only problem the rest don't let the doorknob hit ya!!!
i need a nap!!!