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It is mindboggling to me the selfishness I have learned in not only family but "so called" friends as well... as family is no more in our life, in my case, all I have are friends and I have to adjust and accept or I will have no friends.
It is not their burden, but I just hate the false "lemme know if there is anything I can do" and then when you finally break down and ask, they are too busy getting their nails done or ????. You get to see and hear all the fun they are having...thru this lovely internet n Facebook. I'm like, "looks like a blast, maybe next time lets throw the BBQ over here. sure be nice to see you all" and crickets... anyway one of my last touchy subjects trying to work thru so I don't hurl myself off a cliff..hahahha
Family is another story tho...they are the ones who are "supposed to" be there! and that's why we feel so disappointed!!

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Well catching up here, mom's health became an issue for a while there so was real busy
Thanks for the support mamaduke!

I had spent couple days time down in the area where I want to go move, with my friends, while mom was in hospital! I had a real neat experience! I was stressed out, neck arm in pain from it, sweaty no makeup in borrowed unmatching clothes...basically disheveled. One of the artist I follow and like very much passed me in the grocery store, we are facebook friends but have never spoke, etc... anyway he looked up at me in my horrid state and had a warm smile and a nod hello for me. Just made me feel or confirmation, that is where we belong, in a warm loving community!!! Alcyon Massive, he gets radio play here and his stuff is good if you like reggae/dub/dance style...can Youtube him..Aint it fresh and Oregon sunset some of my fav's! Good to be home tho and routine started.
Terrible news yesterday tho, a dear sweet woman and friend had an accident and passed away. I met her thru Sr Companion program...she came 3hrs a week to sit with ma so I could get out and shop. well I waited for her all morning yesterday all ready to go and she never showed...concerned and called around finally her daughter showed up telling me she was gone, had fallen and hit her head at home nite before and was gone! just like that... so sad! we had become close as good eggs are hard to find out here! I will miss her. Our community will miss her! she was a great lady, very loved and active to the end! her daughter is beside herself, they were very close!!!! lived next door...she went to check on her when she did not answer phone. I just realized too just now, she was gonna start sitting with ma for me in the eve's for extra fun money so I could maybe have an evening out with friends, go see a show, etc...well I am more concerned with her family and loss of a wonderful person than that.

I did clean out my facebook account to rid of those I do not interact with! no need!
Its hot today so I am taking a lil nap next to recharge, it is busy days, till I get ma's health sorted out!
Hope you all are having a good weekend!
Juju
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Speak to an elderly family member at his level and explain just what selfishness means to those who may get hurt in the process! Maybe that discussion wlll make a point of understanding, even in abusive situations that some of us may experience.
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Sorry, I didn't read all the posts. Sounds like you found your faith and some friends!
God is good when we open up to it. Glad you have a chance to find someone new for your mom.
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I know how you feel. I don't even have people who offer. My mom has always had health issues so I guess they got use to sidestepping that offer. My brother...well that's of no help and I'm sure when he gets back in town will only freak out because she is such a different person then he remembers....then he should have stayed around is my feeling! I do have my dad, her husband but He just makes bad choices sometimes. I feel like we battle over stuff that shouldn't even be.
Hold tight to your faith! God has a plan and you are in it. Maybe he is saving up all the good stuff just for you...for when your done serving mom for him. :) I find Movies and T.V. shows I can get lost in for distraction. Books too but it's harder to read. When we get cabin fever I just put mom in the wheelchair and we go for a walk or maybe put her in the car and go to a park or some place that it doesn't matter what we look like! Hang in there jujubean! God got you!
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Man I am exhausted from the DR visit today good but emotional draining
I was trying to get out is ....I am glad someone with such character is not around my mother anymore. it worked out perfect! and I didn't have to lift a finger...except to find new!
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I know it was that she cudnt deal with her own guilt I know but chickens***!
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hurt n disappointed cuz we did get close her being here every week and we used to go outings all together etc...
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or I should say she was a friend, in the "friend???" category She spent 15 min with ma in hospital over the 3 wks.
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Don't even worry...I have wanted to fire her so many times for god sake she dropped my ma...but if she had not dropped my ma, I would have never snapped outta that h***..it is purely my disappointment in her character in doing it which shows you how much she respected her job. I had too much on my plate and needed her but I was getting ready to do it...that why I jumped in here needed to get things under control clear tooxins from out life, it is the absolute only choice.....I have no kids sibs, cuz aunt etc no one, in our life. to lean on! so I need all my faculties! be in control of the situation or I will not make it! I had to hit rock bottom I guess but now I got the the sked I want with some one I already have more confidence with and haven't worked together yet...and I didn't have to go thru the painful task of firing her...she has also become a friend.
And no she was thru SR services...that is another thing that just blows me away...after mom fell I called my worker, she is a piece of work there but another day. anyway I wanted to know what kind of training these providers are put thru...heres the story there "anyone can apply to be a CG, take a 4hr training course and then unleash them on the frail sick elderly....it appalls me this entire system. anyway....that's the kinda help we get, no thank you but I have to ...least new gal seems sharp. we will see!
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5 year.... So sorry jujubean. Was she a member of a church? I would call your state or local center on aging, see what kind of help, references they can offer! I called them when I was taking care of dad, they are a great resource!
You can rant all you want or need, I will listen. It is so damn tough and you need an outlet too. Your not alone. =}
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But again the power of a whole attitude shift is amazing...amazing things happened today too, just amazing!
I have actually ranted all over this darn site everywhere, had to purge all this anger and make room for the new challenges...I am scared tho tomoro we go see ortho specialist and ?? I am scared to death but so much better equipped to deal with the situation now! OMG what a weekend...I dislike hospitals!
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Just replaced the 5 ys home aid (and fairweather friend) who quit with no notice just an email day b4 saying she aint coming...cuz she cant see mom go down hill....freakin people...She was the one supposed to take care of mom when she fell...she forgot something turned her back and now mom is probly gonna go real fast.....
that is her response...i cannot fathom the hearts these people have! she should have gave me notice tho is my only problem the rest don't let the doorknob hit ya!!!
i need a nap!!!
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Ya i did it almost as a test and you know what...it was a blessing...
I tested my local friends and Jaw was on the ground litereally...when the phone rang saying Im on my way with some honeycrisp apple wheat shock top, and we sit on porch...i was too tired for that tho 90 deg....sat lookin at my jungle in the a/c.
But also-reconnected with an old friend from home with health issues, developed a relationship with her sis and friend both have cancer. Over one of my dry humor statements that sis actually took offense too initially, now we are all buds and supporting eachother!!!

I do have to complain about the closest neighbor tho.....see's us n wheelchair all the time, only a smile n a wave, and ambulances come n go....oh well! I envited them to a bbq when they arrived and have not been reciprocated ...oh well....
thing are lookin up!
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This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the TRUTH don't lie.
YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get their fast
Never stop to think...What's in it for me?
Or it's way too far?
They just show on up, with their big ol hearts
YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE!
Tracy Lawrence =}

JuJu Bean, we seem a lot alike. Keep your head up. You are not alone!
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And she is going to call me at 9pm every nite so I don't leave ma in her chair till all hours cuz half time I pass out after dinner. She also is a nail tech and is going to give me a pedi next week, cant wait!
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Coachella..I knew it.
OK so I took my rant to facebook and OMG...A girlfriend hopped in the car and drove 1 mile with beer and helped me with mom...I am exhausted. I don't think I coulda done it with out her now. We laffed..we have now devised a plan to put my scuba gear and a rope on her son and have him mow my waist high lawn. so I can get some Vitamin D, as I will not. I have one sinkhole already and refuse to walk in my yard...furthurering this prison.by the way. anayway we laffed forever on that one...flippers!
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The Coachella & Stagecoach Music Festivals are both 1.5 miles from my house. We can hear them without going outside :)
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AMEN!! My so called family, physically attacked me, my Uncle POA is spreading rumors that I only want money (crock of shi@), him and my brother are up to no good. My brother stole dads will found out a large amount was being donated on behalf of my mother, I think that is wonderful, my brother ...PISSED. I do not feel entitled to anything, however, I have been talked about to the point that my entire family hates me. It is really ironic, my Uncle who is POA had NEVER been to my dads house until I called him and begged him to go check him out. He called first and then finally went over. Dad has lived there 9 years and my uncle had never been there!!
I am a Military spouse 17 years, hubby is a LTC and we are stationed in Tampa at SOCOM. I go home and visit with dad a couple times a year for a few weeks.. But I have now been told I am not allowed to see him. No restraining order, so the POA, is just puffing out his chest because legally he can't not do that.
Anyway I have been hurt so much and cried so much that I do not call dad anymore. THEY WON! I send cards, but I feel he could call me, he is not that bad. I had to give up my father and my relationship with my father because my uncle is mean, spiteful man. I have a feeling, that it is about money and it will be the 2 of them that have things cooking. Very sad....I have no family, all because one person does not like me....I only spent 4 days with him.....My brother had told him things that were not true, and a 60 year old would rather listen to him, than to give me a chance!!BLAH
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I have had it with negativity for a while I have been purging for weeks but I just have to say...I had a lightbulb moment in car ride home from ER this morn with ma....the one particular group of friends who I have real deep issues with, was because they always told me "you are part of our family now" so my expectations were askew.... as they are dysfunctional I came to learn...and so they dragged me into their craziness! ....that is just how they do it! i took it as they were not sincere, family don't supposed to do stuff like that, but then i see her do it to her daughter, yada yada yada....etc... ok done with the negative for a while!
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EQ: I had to look where you were from... and I know I know the name of festival but having my own alz moment ....so which is it that come out there?
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Here is mine:
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
Ralph G. Nichols
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We have a couple 3 day concerts a couple miles from me, but no raggae. They're really big events - people come from all over the world to be there.
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Ya I can imagine that...it is technically called a "festival" This area where she lives is known for big musical community.. they are now up to 5-6 of these events thruoght the summer....but this one's location is perfect cuz on the same country road she live on..just 2 miles down road!!!
Man FAITH and PRAYERS are really paying off, and this friend who located up few years ago, has shown me that...we laff cuz haven't seen each other in 14ys and it is like we never were apart except for she got 2 boys now 7,12 and we say crazy there was a reason we were brought back together!! I wish I could see her more...we only talk cple times a month and seeing 4-5 times since here.but everytime it is like old times I feel so at home comfortable and truly appreciated with her and she luvs my mama genuinely. you can see it oozes out of her. ..I will call more tho .....I love quotes too...so this is the one for the day! God helps those who help themselves!
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Wow, on our island, a concert then is considered a miniconcert. It definitely isn't an all day event for 3 days. Maybe a few hours for 1 or 3 nights in a row with limited seating. Here I was thinking you would go attend the 3 hour concert. =)
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book, actually is a good idea, it is all day long, good chance be real hot, so getting away for an bit is actually perfect. I am too darn old for that kinda crazyness! actually it is 3days all day so I will just pic n choose when I wanna be their depending on who's playin when!!!
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Juju, go to the concert. Have mom in the best position possible while your friend is there with her. Use the heavy duty pampers and also put a waterproof pad beneath her. Reassure your friend that if mom poops, you will deal with it when you get home. As long as your mom is not on the stage of "touching/playing" with her poop, you all are fine. This is a one-time even for YOU to get out, take advantage of it. Before you go to the concert, change your mom's pamper one last time. Put lots of Desitin or whatever cream you use on her - front and back. This way, if she does soil herself, the cream will be a barrier for several hours until you get back home. There really is No Need to drop everything to get back home to change her pamper. It's a one-time rare outting. She will not suffer with bedsores or severe diaper rashes for this one-time event. Just use lots of cream!
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Oh by the way the concert solution was just last nite!!! we just chatting away and boom there it is!
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All from one little comment I made to her about well now mom is wheelchair bound we will never be able to go....I cant change her diaper in public no where to lay her down.
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Yes I can appreciate that....the one friend I have that would even help me is 2 hrs away which is kinda hard to maneuver...and at least she was honest and sincere from the beginning. she sed I will help you anyway I can but what I cant do is change diapers...I absolutely barf...I could not change my childs diaper without it...she would get husband to do it whenever possible. and the distance is an issue with that...
but this type of support makes it possible to feel validated...and we are actually working out a solution to the problem...
I have been wanting for years to go to a reggae festival...turns out this friend had recently moved from my home state to this state, not 2 miles from the event...so we are working a plan to have her watch ma as I go and she is gonna call me on cell when mom is poopy...I still have no one to go with but I can go...1/2 the battle!

AMAZING WHAT 2 CAN DO WHEN THEY PUT THEIR HEADS TOGETHER!
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My husband works in entertainment, so is never home evenings or weekends. Just so happens my birthday falls on a day when he's going to be having Sara Evans at his venue, so I told him I wanted to go, and he got me 4 tickets. Good deal, right? I figured Mom was doing well, so I could leave her alone with her medic alert for that length of time. Problem? My "friends" were all too busy to go out with me on my birthday (translation - they didn't want to leave their husbands on a Saturday night). So I told my husband no go on the concert, and my Mom and I will instead head north and I will spend my birthday with my children and grandchildren. I know THEY like me.
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