I do not know if I reacted to a particular situation correctly.
I think, after reading other posts, that sometimes we react
based on previous experience(s).
Saturday Sept 7, morning. I am up watching tv with mom
(age 90) before breakfast. Is the morning routine @ home.
Mom starts going on about how her underpants don't fit right.
Some are big, some are smaller. They are all the same size.
I have ordered different batches at different times. I have run
into the same problem: since retailers are always shopping
around vendors/manufacturers they will never been the same
fit twice as a general rule.
Now, I've just gone through a bout of trying to find outer pants
for mom. I have ordered and returned about 3 different
shipments from LL Bean, and one buy/return from Sports
Authority. The largest size sweat pants was XL and they did
not fit so I did not swap them out.
So, already I'm thinking 'O lord, here we go.' Mom starts this
'we' stuff 'we need to get some underpants, some of
mine are too big or too small. We can go to Macys (she
can't really go out shopping anymore) and get some."
I probably over-reacted and stated "I'm not getting involved
with this." Mom blinked and repeated this, so I repeated
my line. Several times actually. I tend to think Mom has gone
back in time 50 years or so when one could reasonably
expect to find something that fits the same, even if separated
by a few years, or months even.
Then she starts 'boo hoo hoo, they (underpants) make
me miserable (this is the first I've heard about this),
... maybe I can find someone to go and get
them for me." She snivels a few seconds more and then
stops, as if a switch has been thrown.
We watch tv a few more minutes, I say 'I'm going out (kitchen)"
where I start breakfast. It seems as if she has forgotten the
incident entirely. I have no intention of bringing the topic up
I am 60, not in the best of health or shape (my own fault), and
while the shipping back and forth is bad enough, having to
traipse in and out of stores endlessly trying to find something
that really does not exist anymore..
She also needs underpants that have the elastic band covered
in cloth as she seems to have developed an allergy to the elastic
in the waist band.
It all sounds so innocuous, just pick up a bloody pair of underpants.
However, it all ends up the same. Something won't be right, I'll have
to go in and out several times trying to find it. She'll want to try another store
and the same thing will be repeated. Even if I do find something, she may
well start kvetching about it in another month. (Like the current set of
Anyway, I suspect that I'm just being run around because she thinks she
can order me around. The whole exchange had an air of craziness about it,
especially when mom started blathering about how lousy the underpants
she had were.
I have it better than a lot of people here. She is not abusive (she was almost
40 years ago and I walked out on her back then), at least not yet. You can
have an 'incident' and on the surface (at least to others) it can appear quite
normal. However, for one living with an elderly person, we can pick up on
heck, I had to grit my teeth watching mom talk to her doctor... going on
about how 'she got my dad.. everyone else wanted him but she got him'..
made me want to retch. The last thing I remember (just before I walked out
40 years ago was) a) (to me) you should have been an abortion and
b) If I ever see him (dad) again I'll shoot him c) "You (to me) are going
to pay for what you (me) took and what dad took."..
Frankly, and it may sound awful, if she ever goes back to that kind of
mindset, I'm outta there.
this is enough. thanks for listenin g.