Respect and dignity even when dealing with dementia.
I have asked many questions in various forms about how best to move my Aunt from California to Montana to be closer to me.
After reading several different posts, I have come to the conclusion that although our Loved Ones are not in their "right minds", they still hold tight to their dignity. Whatever that might be.
More often than not, I think I know what is best for my Aunt. Maybe I don't know everything! She still holds tight to the belief that her son is waiting for her. To move her to another state against her will at this point would break her spirit and rob her of what little dignity she has left.
So I will stay the course. I will respect her wishes. I will respect her enough to help her maintain her dignity.
If and when the time comes that she no longer remembers that her (waist of air) son is still close by, I will move her.
Until that happens, I have to realize that even if only remotely, she is still here!! She still has a voice!
I will do whatever I can to make what is left of her life comfortable for her, yet keeping in mind, I have to keep my life comfortable too!
As caregivers, it's a fine line we walk. Our needs over our Loved Ones needs or our Loved Ones needs over our needs.
It's a blessing and a curse!
I am not being a martyr. I am trying my best to be compassionate.
Do unto others...
God bless all of us that are caring for Loved ones that can no longer care for themselves!
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We had a blast. The hotel was just across the street from the beach. Mom left us a note under our hotel door, they were checking out the beach. We just laughed. They hadn't moved one inch since they got there feet in the sand:: IT WAS MOON STONE BEACH !!! It was so special to see my family stooping over in the sand looking as pebbles :) How more peaceful can one be>>>>
We laughed so hard. It was just true love fun... Nothtin at that time mattered... onl y until we decided to leave husband to his wndsurfing and us girls start to droive up the 101 to look for sea lions.. After an hour or so... Aunt got courgage to say ::: SEA LIONS DON;T FLY THAT HIGH.... : OH, M Y LIL VOICE CAME DOWN A BIT.. I need to turn the big bus around...windows go steamy, but I did,,, as my Aunt said to me: I don't think elephants can fly that high.
She was right,,, they could not.. We certainly turned the bus around and pick up my hubby from windsurfing. It was fun
My MIL became responsible for an Aunt (with dementia) in another state too. Everything was done by phone that could be. The NH would call if new clothes were required & then either posted or money sent & staff would arrange. The fact a niece took over as Guardian instead of the state meant she got nicer things.
Visits were not often at all - once a year? They had never had many chances to meet when younger anyway, so there didn't appear to be any guilt over that. The Aunt chose to move to that state & lived her life there - it made sense to stay.
If the burden on you becomes too much, I suppose I would investigate if there are care managers or agencies local to your Aunt that could be more involved in any ongoing needs & you more in the background for bigger decisions that come up.
I sometimes worry for my daughter, the eldest niece with 3 Aunts with no kids. Hopefully they will plan for their own old age - 1 will, not sure about the other 2...
That was that...This situation was no good for me, my family, or her. I really did try for a long time.