I have resentment toward my siblings for not helping out and when my mom dies I have no intention of keeping in touch with them.

What herbals are he taking? Most are not contraindictive towards medication, but there are some that are such as St. John's Wort. If he is on a lot of meds he doesn't need to be taking St. John's Wort as it will actually cancel out some medications. I am a master herbalist and honestly have treated myself for a rare disease for the past two years with meds. I am currently in remission whereas those that went the meds path died or are worse off than when they started. Everything has it place including medicine. Most seniors are horribly over medicated. It took some persuasion on our part but we finally got the doctor to reduce mom's meds in half. She immediately regained her energy and ability to move around. The meds were actually making her sick!

I meant to say herbs instead of meds with the treatment of my own disease. Ooops!

Hi all. I have a question. I've often read on this site about a Caregiver Contract? What is it? Is it legally enforceable?

LH, I was reading about that Caregiver Contract on this site. So I Googled it. There are all kinds of caregiver contract. Some may be based to your state regulations, etc... But I opened several sites to get an overall view. Since it didn't apply to me (decided since I'm living in Dad's home rent-free in exchange for caring for him/mom), I didn't really go into it. I was just curious. It's a very good idea to get one. It protects you and also sets boundaries. Check it out. There was one site that I really liked how the contract was set out, except I didn't take note of it.

Amitaf, I'm soooo glad that you're familiar with herbals. Since I'm not here for his lunch, I'm not sure what oldest sis gives him. Dinner is whatever ...no set pills.
There may be more but these are the ones that I've put on the end table away from him. He has others that he's hiding close to him.

My dad takes in the morning: Neuro-PS, Reconnect, Nattokinase (55mg), B1 (250mg), (or B12 1000mcg)

Lunch: Neuro-PS, Nattokinase, Alpha Lipoic Acid (200mg), Vit D (1000 iu),
Dinner: Neuro-PS
Flexible: Omega 3X w Hempseed Oil, Brewer Yeast

His medical history: High blood pressure, stroke from last year, currently complaining of chest pains (perhaps gas?) and really bad rashes. I believe the rashes are from mixing the herbals. I try to tell him that he's taking too much blood thinners and he insists the herbals are not blood thinners. I have noticed that when he forgets to take Natto, his rashes starts going away. Then when starts taking it again, it flares back - super red, reminds me of the term "angry red.". When you wipe his skin the bad rashes with wet wipes, it's very slippery.

I won't be able to Stop him from using it. But, I'd like to know if the combo is dangerous and what I will need to do to protect myself. He won't listen to his doctor since he knows more than his doc. He knows everything.

Thanks!

LH, can you go to the thread "Gross" or "Caregiver...How Are You?" and ask your question again? These 2 threads have much more experienced caregivers than me. I'm a newbie. I guaranty if you ask, someone will comment on it.

Oh I had no idea, I will change it tonight, thanks book!

I forgot to add: Once you have changed your setting to Public - everyone can now see it...but only if the click on your name. So it's not really "private" that it's only between you and me.

To access your Walled Post (from me and others to you privately done) and Activity (most of your comments) - just click on the "PUBLIC PROFILE" (right beside Logout) on the way top right of this site. Later...time to feed mom her breakfast.

LH,I got the book 36 Hours a Day - recommended by several people here. I opened up the book and the print is so small. I cannot read that book. Oh, well...

When I say herbals, I don't mean supplements as you mentioned. Side effects of alpha lipoic acid may include headache, tingling or a "pins and needles" sensation, skin rash, or muscle cramps. The only thing I identify with is the hemp with Omega 3. No harm in that. She is using the natto as a blood thinner -- I wouldn't advise that at all, especially if already taking blood pressure meds or blood thinners. It's just fermented soy beans. She can build up his vitamins and minerals with something as easy as chickweed, flax seed oil fortified with Omega's 3,6 and 9, and Nettles - all safe to take. Do not use St. John's Wort as it can cancel out some medications - especially heart medicines. Cayenne Pepper is a natural blood regulator. I take two capsules a day rather than high blood pressure meds. Doing fine so far. I am not a medical doctor and do not know all the meds that your father takes, so this information is subject to research on your part.

LH, I found a discussion on the Caregiver Contract.:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/guidelines-for-caregiver-agreement-142749.htm
....I hope this helps!

Thanks, Amitaf. I am soooo not into herbals, supplements or vitamins or prescription drugs. Have no interest cuz it's all so complicated. I just avoid it all.
I appreciate it what you did provide! Thanks...

Thanks so much, Book. I'll take a look. This weekend was just what I needed. To see everyone so happy to be together and to be with my mom was wonderful! It was so good for her and me! My aunt and uncle stayed and helped out so much as to home repairs, advice, etc. This is the way it should be!!

LH, it does make a difference doesn't it? I'm glad you both had an enjoyable weekend. And that they stayed behind to help with the repairs and advice. It shows they care. Action speaks louder than words.

It's rainy season here. So, yesterday, I took the small scythe and started chopping the vines from the house and pathways near the house. Mosquitos were plentiful and painful. Good thing I decided to check around the house. The weeds outside my bedroom window is now past my thigh. No way I'm going in to pull it. We have snakes and I have no interest in meeting one. But, the vines were crawling on the telephone line and was covering the box attached to the wall. I had to scythe the vines. I will need to make it habit to check every weekend on those vines. They're scary.

They do care! This is the aunt that spent a month with mom in the hospital! They are so wonderful!! We're blessed to have them in our lives!

Book, do you have a 'weed wacker'? At least you wouldn't have to get so close. I know how you feel about snakes! Be careful! Can you call the phone company to clean around the area of the phone lines?

After seeing how bad the grass is getting and how close the vines are to the house, I told dad yesterday that we need to call somebody and pay them come at least once a month to use the bushcutter. My oldest brother of next door with his 2 grown sons - only cut their lawn and our front yard which they and their visitors use as a parking lot. Anyway, when I told oldest bro about hiring a company to do it, he said that it would cost over $100 to do it since we have a large land. But, I'm reaching the point that I'm willing to find the funds for this! I'm going to check with one more source before I do the company.

I am a full time caregiver for my father, age 82, who is suffering from several ailments including the beginning stages of dimentia. Due to his ailments he is totally homebound, with the exception of special medical treatments that are required every weekday at a clinic 45 minutes away from our home. I am also the court appointed guardian of my nephew who is 9 years old. I have one sibling. My brother, nephew and I live with my Dad in his home. My brother recently went back to work full time after not having worked for at least 18 months. He has made it very clear that when he comes home from work, after working construction in the hot sun for 10 hours, he wants to "relax". His girlfriend is at our home more often than not. She has made it perfectly clear that when she is here that the two of them have their "privacy and personal time". I am becoming VERY resentful and bitter towards my brother and his girlfriend. I am also finding myself doing well more than what I would consider my "share" of taking care of Dad because I do not want to be a thorn in their relationship. Instead of telling them that I need a break I find myself asking "What are your plans today?" Then when I hear that almost any plans whatsoever have been made by them I become enraged. Why can't I say "I need some time to myself please" instead of "that is just great...I have not had a break in over a month, but oh well...you two do whatever you have planned so you may enjoy your day as I certainly would not want to be a thorn in your relationship. I will turn down any away time so as not to "inconvenience" them. My biggest problem right now is I am becoming very self abusive....I hate the fact that physical pain to myself feels better than the emotional pain I feel when I am around them. I do not like this behavior in myself at all. I have cried for so many days that I look horrible. I used to care what I looked like, now I could care less if I even comb my hair. I hate feeling this way!!!!! I love my Dad so much and try my best to do the best I can to take care of him. I am afraid of actions recently and I am petrified of not being there to take care of my 9 year old nephew too. Suggestions when you have no money for counseling, no insurance benefits whatsoever and feel like I cannot hurt myself anymore, because I will hurt those I love, but I cannot seem to get the negative thoughts out of my head!


a full time job, He has a steady girlfriend who, unfortunately I do not get along with very well. I take care of almost all of my dad's needs myself. I am finding myself very bitter and resentful towards my brother. This breaks my heart. He has always been a best friend to me and lately we cannot even discuss the weather it seems like without a huge blow up argument. My biggest complaint is not having time off for myself now and then.

Hi Happiness, with regards to your father, there are some "free" programs that can assist you or your elderly father. Perhaps, can you check the phone book and look under elderly care or elderly program? Or the senior care center. Something or anything that has to do with the elderly. Here, where I live, we have the Catholic Social Services who comes in at least once a week to service my parents who are both bedridden. They sponge bath them. They can also do the laundry and some light housekeeping. But, we ony want their sponge bath services. When you reach one organization, you will also need to ASK if they know of any programs that you can try calling.

As for your brother, unfortunately, I learned on this site a very hard truth. My dad and I have been caregiving for mom for 23 years. Then last year, my dad had a stroke and is now bedridden. In all these years, it was only me and dad even though I have 7 other sisters/brothers. I thought with now 2 bedridden parents, I would get some physical help. NOPE! I became suicidal this past June and came on this site seeking for help and got it.

This is what I've learned: Our brother has a Right Not to Help our parent. HOWEVER, this is my question to you. The home you're staying at - is it your father's house? A rental? If it's a rental, who is paying for the bill? What is your brother's contribution to the household?

I have more questions, but I get exhausted from caring for both parents and a full time job. It's not even 8pm and I can feel my brain is dragging. So I will stop for now and await for your answer. Sorry! Take care!

Happiness...there is a very good website that specializes with self-harm and also depression. It seems self-harm and depression and childhood trauma are all interconnected. It looks very interesting. I was even tempted to check what the blogs are like. When you have time, why don't you check it out?

Please come back and tell us how you're doing or how it's coming along. Take care!

Book ... any luck with lawncare? Went to doc with mom yesterday and her cancer has grown. We now have to go every 3 weeks for chemo treatments. Pills did not work. Not going to tell fam. What's the point? They're still not going to help. They called several times while we were out yesterday because they want mom to go up to say goodbye to her grandsons before they go back to school. Mom doesn't want to go. Says they didn't treat her well when she was there last. We had a good laugh when SIL left message saying she'd "make arrangements" to have her picked up! Housekeeper again?? LOL

I'm prepared to do what has to be done for mom. We had such a lovely weekend with our family! Everyone has called us to say what a wonderful time they had! Mom needed to feel the love that her family has for her. She actually wants to do it again.

Book ... I read the caregiver contract site that you sent. I know they would never agree to it. I'm still doing more research. Thanks so much!

LH, do you have any medical or POA for your mom? Just in case her health situation gets worse. Does she have a Living Will, etc... I think while your mom is still healthy, you need to cover all your bases. I wouldn't put it past your siblings to INTERFERE when they find out about your mom. I strongly recommend you and mom get your documents in order. Just remind mom WHY you're doing this. You both need to sit down and discuss the different scenarios.

My 10 year old niece had bone cancer. She never told her mom that she had a lump on her upper inner thigh for months. When her mom accidentally touched it,niece screamed in pain. Found out she had cancer. Flew off-island for treatment but it was too late. Cut of her leg but it already spread to her lungs, etc.. She had the chemotherapy. She was down to the last one but she was having problem keeping anything down (food and liquid). Her and the mom did not want her to do that final chemo until she regained her strength. But, from what I understand, these chemos are spaced out for a reason. So, postponing was not an option. After that last chemo, she just went downhill. She was throwing up all day before the mom finally called me to come and take them to the ER. By the time they got her to the ER (they live only a few minutes from the hospital), she was so weak..her heart stopped in the ER. They tried for 30 minutes to revive her. She died of dehydration.

So, I hope your mom handles the chemo well. I think it's very important that she gets hydrated. I was reading somewhere that a person taking chemo does not have to suffer the throwing up stage. There's something that can help them from suffering from this. So, if your mom ever gets that throwing up stage and can't stop, please ask her doctor for the medication to help stop or control it.

If you recall, when I first posted to you, I asked how your mom was handling the chemo? That's why I asked. Please, LH, talk to your mom and do whatever paperwork that's needed that gives YOU power over her so that none of your siblings try to take over and forbit all medical information to be released to you.

Medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney, etc...You can always tell mom that you have always stood by her and that you love her and would never do anything that is against her wishes. And LH, if she ever does want to die (because she can no longer handle the chemos, etc...), please respect her wishes.

My poor 10 year old niece died throwing up. She was so miserable from the chemo months before she finally died. Poor, poor niece. After what happened to her, I firmly decided that I will never do chemo and suffer the way my niece did. Poor girl...

I hope your family comes back again. Any possibility that they can come once a month on the weekend? It would help keep your mom's spirit up. Take care...my thoughts will be with both of you. And Update me, okay?!

Thanks so much, Book. I'm so glad I found this site! Mom did pretty well on the chemo 10 years ago. Of course, she was a lot stronger then to handle it! The doc said this chemo is not as harsh as the other. She will not lose her hair or feel nauseated. I just have to watch her white blood cell count. I recall that 10 yrs ago, her count was very low and I had to take her to the ER to build up her immunities again. I recall my sister insisted she come to a party for my niece. Mom surrounded by kids with a low WBC count not good! Mom is a trooper. She said she'll do what she has to do.

I'm so sorry about your niece. That's horrible for someone to go through at her young age -- at ANY age! So sad.

I will do my best as far as the rest of the family. It was so good for her!

Oh, Book, yes, mom and I have been getting things in order. We do have a Living Will but, do not have a Financial POA. That's a thought!

Hi All, I haven't been here in a while. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I've been having all sorts of test run while still caring for mom. Last result was from my MRI yesterday. There is another small mass and they want to do another biopsy. If this one is cancer I'll have a mastectomy. I'm not telling you all of this for attention, just wanted to say my one Sibling out of 5 who " helps " when she can called and said she would help more. She did take mom to P.T. last Thursday, but can't do it today because she has a lot to catch up on after going away last weekend yet again. She works Mon, Tues, and Wed 6 hours a day and her kids are young adults. She has a great way of making herself sound like the busiest person in the world!

Hi Sallie, my prayers are with you! I've been dealing with the same as far as my mom. Her breast cancer has gotten slightly larger since her last PET scan a month ago and we now have to go for chemo treatments every 3 weeks. My brother screamed at her yesterday because she didn't want to go to see her grandchildren who were leaving for college. She didn't feel well and didn't want to be treated like crap again by them. She said her grandchildren are old enough where they can come and see her. I just can't get over how people can be so cruel. This is his mother and grandmother to his children! She has cancer and he has the audacity to scream and yell at her?!? It's disgusting, cruel and inhuman! How can people be so selfish?

Sallie, hang in there! Take care of YOU!!! Sending hugs!!!

Salie I am so sorry about your cancer I and I know others will be here for you and I am glad that one sib will be helping more-maybe she can get the others to step up and help-probably not bit hopify that will happen/

Hi Sallie, I'm sorry to hear about the breast cancer. If you need to vent or tell us about your day (ups and downs, doesn't matter), please feel free to write it here. You know that we all care for each other, right? That's what friends are for. And if you need me to research stuff, don't hesitate to ask. I just love surfing the net! Sometimes I get distracted but...if the doctors present to you a procedure, or medication, etc...please go ahead and ask me. I will research for you the pros and cons. ...(That's one reason I absolutely refuse to take cipro for my bladder infections.)

And Sallie, what I wrote to LH above, that is totally different from your situation. I think you caught yours in time, right? My 10-yr old niece was one of those "grown-up" children. She had to learn from a very young age that if she wants to eat, she would have to fend for herself. Her mom and her grandma (my oldest sis) can sleep all day. So, niece had to find food if she was hungry. I guess she was so used to fending for herself, that it never occurred to her to tell her mom about the very painful lump on her leg. (But in my heart, I think niece figured that they didn't love her enough because she had no hugs, encouragements or fed meals like a real family does.)

I really, really hope that your sister who "helps" really do help and it's not just a few token "help" then stops. With her "busy" schedule (hmmm...6 hrs a day on Mon, Tues & Wed), I'm sure she can do more.

Have you done any brainstorming on how to encourage sis to keep "helping"? Sometimes, people need a little push or incentive to help out with the caregiving. And sometimes that doesn't work, either. So, you take care, Sallie!!! Hugs to you!!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you also, I hope all turns out well for you:)

Hi all. How are you? Been busy. Took mom in for medi-port treatment and first chemo. She did well. Long day! Mom told me SIL called. Said she found out about procedure and PET Scan results. Said she would help. I'll believe it when I see it! Said mom should have told them. Mom said why, you said you wouldn't do anything. SIL claims she had an infection and stayed away for mom's sake. LOL Lie after Lie after Lie! Yes, she had to stay away from mom but, could have a party for 100+ guests!

Hi LH, I'm glad to hear about your mom. I can't believe SIL really thinks she's fooling anyone! But, where is your brother? Still going to be MIA? I sure hope your mom pulls through, LH. I really don't want to see you go through the wringer if your bro and SIL think your mom is dying. They will be circling you both like sharks. Shudder! I've ready way toooo many stories on this site about that! That's why I asked you if you and mom have all your papers done.

By the way,LH, you mentioned buying a scanner at Walmart. How is it? Can this scanner also scan like receipts from stores? I'm still trying to find a scanner for my parent's expenses. (I read a lot of horror stories about that here too! I want to make sure I have proof that my dad's money went to their expenses and not to my pocket.)