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My husband has been bed-ridden since 2006. I used to rely on him to drive, fix up the house, and work. Okay, the money thing is always bad, and nothing will change that now. I, as well, am on SS Disability for mental issues, but I am seeing a doc and dealing with it. Depression right now is overwhelming, in spite of meds and counc. etc. Recently, I had a city worker come out to the house. I have to level my yard so it drains properly, put on a new roof, and generally get things better. I have a bad back, tendonitis in my shoulders, and am going to physical therapy to help that. I have already used the only help the city can give when the main water pipe busted last year in my yard. If I move, I owe that back. I don't have it to pay back, nor does hubby want to get rid of the house that's been in his family for 100 years.

Problem right now is I have to do all of this alone, with little to no help from those who I have helped over the years. I am feeling angry, furious, resentful of hubby for his illness that will not allow him to help, and I want to lay down in the front yard and scream until the men with the white jackets come to take me away. I'm also sobbing far too much.

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Thank you, JessieBelle. Yes, I know in my head you are right on the money there. However, I think I have to convince my heart. I think I may have a place, and it's got everything handicapped accessible on the main floor, with a suite for the handicapped (Bathroom is walkin shower, etc) No stairs unless you want to go to the second floor, which has a full tub/shower bathroom and two bedrooms. My son could stay there, and he could work very close at Well's Blue Bunny, which is good paying. I'd even let him stay as long as he wanted if he wanted to pay rent. lol It's got an oversized garage to suit hubby's need to play with his 55 chevy (he's had it since childhood, but it's in pieces now). He'll never get it running again, but it makes him feel good just to do little things and keep working on it. The garage is heated, and has 2-20, as well, so he can go out even in winter.

A large backyard for a garden for me. Central air, etc. It's perfect. About 30 min away from here, and only 15 min from my daughter. If I can't get this place, I think it might be a sign from God to get the roof fixed. lol Actually, I think this place may be the sign from God to move.

But I'm still very angry with the stepson, and it'll be a while before I can forgive him for abandoning us after making false promises. Well, with the 2-20, I can even hook up the hot tub John got a few years ago and it just sits. Perhaps then I can sit and soak while looking at my beautiful, wonderful garden. That's what it's going to take to convince my heart. I think. Positive pictures in my head.
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Getting the rental place sounds like a very good answer to me. Perhaps fixing the house was beyond what was possible, because it is not what you really needed to do. We do have to adjust to life at times. Holding onto a dilapidated house that is consuming all the resources and depressing everyone living inside does not seem a good idea, despite the sentimental attachments. Sometimes it is best to let go and rebuild your life. Life is too short and stuff is just stuff. If the property is in poor shape and the house is underwater in debt, it isn't anything you would want to pass down, anyway. And you can't take the property with you when you go.

I hope you can find a rental property that is light and airy and will improve your mood. If the house is dragging you into the mud, I would say just let it go and get on with life. If the children want to keep it in the family, maybe they can purchase it. If they don't want to do that, there doesn't seem to be much point in hanging onto an estate that no one wants.

Often in life we lose everything we thought we had. But these things are just stuff. In the end, they don't matter at all. Maybe if things are happier, the family will come around more. Let us know how it goes.
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Well, it's been a while since I updated this... so far, only son and I have been working on the roof. We have about five feet of the porch roof taken off. not enough. It's too hard, honestly, for me to get nervously up on a ladder and peel six layers of asphalt and shingles off. Can't actually get ON the roof, because you'd fall right through. I'm feeling very despondent. I set up a time this weekend when those who have offered to help could come over and have loosemeat sandwiches with all the tea or coffee they wanted if they would help. My stepson went camping, and no one bothered to show at all. I went to bed and slept for two days. Now my neck hurts. lol

I have bowed to the fates. I'm looking at a rental property on Wednesday that will suit our needs, if I can get it. Main floor was redone for a handicapped boy, so hubby will fit right into it. It's actually a LOT better than the place we have, but, in order to do this, I have to let this house go into foreclosure. This house has been in hubby's family for over a century. It's sad when 5k of roof repair forces us to leave.

Now I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not wanting to clean, work on anything. Nothing belongs to me anymore, and I feel abandoned by those I thought loved me and hubby. BTW, it's hubby's birthday on the ninth, and he may lose his lifelong home for his birthday and father's day. Thanks kids. sigh. I feel for him more than me. I already lost my gramma's house, which was my childhood home. I know how it feels, and he feels it deeper because the house was left to him to care for and he failed.

His blood sugar is out of control due to stress, and he doesn't want to do anything but sleep. He's so angry with the kids that I know he's hiding a lot of hurt and abandonment feelings. Says the only family he has left is me. That makes me weep, because he's got 4 kids, and a bunch of grandkids that could make his life less lonely. But he's the type that keeps a grudge for years, possibly for life.

I'm just so sad all I can do is cry.
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lol I've taken over his room for my library, put him on the couch in the living room, and refuse to cook for him or do his laundry. He's gone so much anymore that he might as well not live here. He's here now, though, all guilty because he missed yesterday due to a car breakdown. Yeah, well, I sorta believe him.

He's going to be working all day to make up for yesterday. He did apologize. In fact, he went to the 'I suppose you hate me now' routine. ugh. I answered that I hated what he did, not him. Usually, he's helpful. But he's got this new group of girls he's been hanging with and turned into a lazy ass. It'll either change or I'll kick him out. I'm giving him a week to straighten up and help more. Work at this point wouldn't help more, so I'll give him until fall to either find a job or go back to school. AHa! daughter's here. Gotta run! :D
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Lisa, when I read about your son's behavior and his irresponsibility, I can see that you need a different type of help. Under your current circumstances, I would kick out your son so he can grow up and learn some accountabity. Then, I would advertise " Room(s) for Rent" Construction and or Landscaping experience helpful, can trade for partial monies."
Lisa, you need support and help, not more liabilities:(
I kicked my son out of the house when he was 18 because he would not get up on time for work in the morning. He straightened himself out and now at 33, is top of sales and service at a major dealership. Tough Love works! xoxo
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well, it rained yesterday, and hubby had two doctors appts. I'm babysitting a five year old for a week for a friend of mine (she's paying me, so I can use the money on materials for the roof.) but my dearest, darling son failed to show up to watch the little one while I took hubby to docs. Had to do the cab thing, since I have no kid seat for my truck. 40 bucks and that includes a four block walk between docs. Yeah. No happy with the son. but the little one was the angel of the moment, opening doors for the wheelchair, etc.

of course that also meant no work on the yard. and my house is trashed, since I've been working on the yard. Not sure how today will go. forecasting rain for later, but if the ground isn't too bad, I might go out and dig some. Once the yard is level, I can worry about other things. If it's just too muddy, I'll do some laundry. lol Still feeling very angry and hurt about being abandoned by those I thought cared about me, but realizing if I cannot do it myself, then I'm not the person I want to be.
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the problem with an equity loan is our credit scores. too many unpaid medical bills. I honestly can't fix it, so I'm going to do the roof myself. I do have help from my hubby's ex's boyfriend (lol) who has done quite a bit of roofing in his time. He's going to help with the porch roof, and then we'll see where we're sitting with the rest. I have to buy things as I can, about a couple hundred bucks a month, so it's going to take a while to get things going. But, it can be done. I agree I'd love to have the experts do it, but I just dont have the means to pay them all at once, and no one will take payments.
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yea, put your savings in a church account and maybe theylle help you out. dont mean to sound bitter but churches are a business.. a big fear based business. im the sinner who sinned sin but i would help you out with no strings attached.. our hospice affiliated spiritual councilor aborted us as quickly as his spiritual monetary affiliation changed. fraudulent f**k !!
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Would it be possible to take out a small equity loan on the property to have the roof replaced? I know money is tight, but I'm one of these people who feel that roofing needs to be done by a professional company. They have the equipment it takes to get in and out, and have tarps if the weather surprises. You can get a 20-year roof for a reasonable amount. In these days, that just means they will take a leg, instead of an arm and a leg. House repair costs have certainly skyrocketed. (I priced gutter replacement the other day and saw that it would cost what replacing the whole roof would have cost just a few years ago. What is going on with these costs??)
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Annnie, ah yes, the two kids. My son wasn't home, nor was he available until after I'd called the daughter. He was off with his friends, which are all girls, and I wouldn't ask them to help if my life depended on it. I keep him home because he truly needs help right now. If we lost the house, he would go live with friends. Hubby would go to NH., I would be alone, prob living in my new truck.

Son did, when he realized the state I was in, give me a hug, and tell me he'd help. But he's a lazy kid, and we'll see what kind of help it'll be. Daughter and me, well, we're also best friends. She's 24, but she's been through so much in her life since leaving home that she acts and thinks much older. Plus, son would rather let daughter deal with distraught mother. lol but yes, definitely, I'm not allowing him to leave the house until I feel enough work has been done each day. I'm a soft touch, but I don't want to be leveling the yard forever. And daughter will be here with kids and boyfriend on Sat. to help if it doesn't rain. I'm hoping Sunday will bring my stepson over, but he's got pneumonia, and he's also a bit of a hypocondriac, so not counting on it.

But, my goal for tomorrow is to have my roses in the ground on the fourth of the yard I want finished by tomorrow night.
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Night Christina. And Thank you from my bottom to my heart (as Gram used to say.) :) Sweet dreams.
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Tell your son that literally, if he wants to continue with the free or low cost roof over his head, he needs to hlp out. Get some friends over to get some work done cuz if YOU are homeless, HE IS TOO.

BTW, I'm just curious: if your son lives there, why did you call your daughter to help out with the house your son lives in? I'll bet your son would be very upset if your daughter called on him to keep a roof over her head but he was fine with letting his sister sort things out about keeping the roof over his head for the house he lives in.
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Hey Lisa. Good job. Yes, son needs to support you. Maybe he can petition a couple of his buddies to assist? Learn the work ethic, perhaps? Make a few demands. I'm there with you, Dear One. Tomorrow will be better and progress made. Keep us posted:) night night xo
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Okay, I've calmed somewhat. I called my daughter and cried. She rushed over here with her two kids and new boyfriend, and consoled me. She cooked dinner, and cared for the kids. I know I have to relax, just take it day by day -- hour by hour if I need to, but it's very difficult sometimes.

I'm also ordering my son, who does still live here when he isn't roaming with his friends, to stay home tomorrow to finish up a small portion so I can reward myself. I want to put my roses in the ground before it rains tomorrow night. He can finish it in an hour, when it would have taken me days to do it. I kinda expected Mommy's day to include the kids coming over with shovels in hand, but I was dreaming again. I barely got phone calls. I'm feeling angry, resentful, and hurt. But that won't stop me from saving this house.
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I put a plea on craigslist. lol and i've gone down to a bucket and my little trowel to move a mountain. I wanna quit, but I just can't. Something in me won't let me. And if I don't keep moving, the city will red tag the house. So far, the guy I'm working with is giving me time to get the roof done, but I'm getting that time because I keep making improvements. When it comes time for the roof, little Lisa, scared of heights, is going up there alone. Honestly, I'm terrified of being homeless.
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Lisa, you are worn out. Can you go to nearest Home Depot and ask there? Church-- although I have noticed people at church mostly want to receive help, not give it. What happened to Benevolent Societies?!? This world sucks! My husband, general contractor, would help you in a second:( Sending out the word to the Universe, Lisa. Hoping for an answer. Try to rest today, ok? xoxo
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called everyone. have done everything I can. kids have work and kids of their own and no time for mom. Im feeling very abandoned right now.
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{{{Lisa}}} Where are the kids? You had a lot of people living with you a while back! Where are they? Can you call Foresters or a benevolent group of men in community to help you? Ask everyone, everywhere. Someone will have the answer. Praying for you and the assistance you need right now, Dear One:) xo
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