OK, I have just joined this site today and maybe just hoping to find others in similar situations, so I don't feel so alone. Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with feelings of resentment, followed by guilt. I have been reading some of the other discussions on this site and realize that many people are in much worse situations, so now I am struggling with more guilt in complaining and I apologize if my complaints offend anyone.
My mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago, leaving my now 86 year old dad behind. I was never close to my dad but once my mom passed, it became my "duty" to be there for him. Dad is still physically healthy except very hard of hearing and in the early stages of dementia. He still lives in his own house but expects me to be at his beck & call-I live close by. At his age, I know that his mental & physical health will only decline but after 2 1/2 years, I am already so tired of being "there" for him.
Since he is able to physically care for himself, my job is to listen to him & do things with him. I know, that sounds easy enough, and this is where I feel guilty for complaining but I am so tired of listening. My dad is probably one of the most negative & opinionated people I have ever met, and he loves to talk at you. He doesn't want to hear anyone else's opinions and the daily 45 minute phone calls are exhausting. When I go shopping, he expects to go along, and then questions any items I am looking at, wanting to know why I want something. I usually have to drop him off at home and go back to the store to do most of my shopping, after we have the lunch that I have no desire to have. If he's not being opinionated, he has to tell me long "stories" about things that happened 50 years ago. I have heard the stories now, more times than I can count.
The outings & phone calls leave me absolutely exhausted and usually follow with a long nap for me, and I just get further & further behind on my own responsibilities. Before my mom passed away, I was happily single and independent but suspect I am now joining the ranks of "depressed" people, even though I never experienced depression prior to this change.
I have never liked my father. If he weren't my father, I would avoid him like the plague, to be honest. I moved closer to be near my mom and never expected to be in this position and now just feel stuck. If I considered moving away, I would be viewed as this horrible person that abandoned her father at his time of need. I feel like my whole life is now on hold, especially when people are always saying how wonderful it is that I am here to take care of him. Why can't I see anything wonderful about it?