My mom had been in the hospital for leukemia all summer. I pretty much gave up my whole summer for her. Four hour drive counting there and back. So many people from where she lives wanted to know how she was. They think of her as a sweet old lady. As an only child of hers Im left to take care of her in my home. I also work, go to college take care of my only child left at home. And my husband. Im going nuts! I resent my mom. I feel like she hates me cuz she talks about me bad under her breathe. She roams around my house looking in my drawers and everywhere snooping when im at work. Shes demanding and grumpy. I find myself thinking how she favored my step brother instead of me when i was a child. I was born premature and my dad took care of me. When i was eleven my dad had a bad stroke and she left him on the floor all night instead of calling the ambulance, then refused to transfer him to the hospital that couldve helped him for two days until someone else stepped in. I hate her cuz she left him there on the floor. He couldve gotten treatment to lessen the damage by the stroke. She has no social skills. After dad went in the nursing home she never called places to fix things around the house that didnt work. I am tired of her pathetic social skills. She also lied to everyone including me about being married to my dad. She never was so she had no authority over him, his money nothing ! Which also means that bitch was sending my social security to my step brother to drink at college! I needed braces but she wouldnt buy them! Im so angry at her because once again im the one who gets stuck taking care of her. She treats me badly some days. I never felt like she loved me cuz she used to slap me with a coat hanger after my dad went in the nursing home.

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Thanks. For a while there I thought maybe I was the one going nuts. She has been really nice while her sister visited this weekend. Her sister took for the whole day Saturday. It was a very good day!!! I finally got a break. I take her to the doctor tomorrow. Yes I resent having to give up my whole day to drive her around to doctors appointments. It is the only day off I have this week. Im trying to figure out how to get her in a nursing home so I dont have to have her at my house anymore.

My MOTHER, not my OTHER. It must be Friday.

Been to that amusement park and got all the souvenirs.
Your mom needs to be seen by a psychiatrist. Those behaviors signal mental illness to me. This is not your fault.

You need to get away from her ASAP. An abusive relationship does not make a great foundation for care giving. Maybe after some time passes and you can do your own recovery work, you can have short visits with her.

I suggest Stop Walking on Eggshells and Surviving the Borderline Mother as two books for you to get into. They made a world of difference in my life.
My other has Alzheimers and a host of other medical conditions, but has been a verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuser her whole life. After my dad died, it got worse.

Now I am literally the only person on the planet who will lift a finger for her in any capacity.

3.5 weeks in my home made our entire family suicidal, so she had to GO. And go she did. She needed to be in a senior facility not just for my sanity, but to be taken care of properly. In her 77 years of miserable life, that was the first time anybody finally diagnosed her mental illness and made her deal with it. She's on some fine medications now that took the bite out of her bark.

We visit when we can. Maybe once a month.
I have power of attorney, so I make sure her papers are in order & bills paid.

Please know you have options, you do NOT need to pay for her placement & care.

There is help and there is hope. Please stay in touch. Many of us are going down this same road.

I think resentment goes with the territory when you have a loved one you're caring for living with you. I learned a long time ago that if I felt a certain way about something, many others would feel the same way -- and DO feel the same way. We are all human beings, after all. So I forgive myself.

My resentment stems from my thinking that this isn't how I pictured spending my Golden Years . . . taking care of mom in my home. That, for the last almost 50 years, she's had a complete jerk in her life that I'm now having to wrestle with to get mom's affairs in order.

That yesterday, mom's day at daycare and my day of bliss, Tom accidentally hit her leg with the car door taking here there. "Day of Bliss" becomes day of ambulances and hospital visits...of babysitting her 50-year ***-**** sweetheart through a furnace repair and a village inspection in order to finalize the sale of her home next month.

Resentment that I can't get moving in the morning fast enough to appease her dementia'ed mind to rise and shine at the crack of dawn.

That her Parkinson's Disease is rapidly robbing her of the ability to put one foot in front of the other as I escort her to and from the bathroom. That sundowner's makes her almost impossible to handle after dark.

But in all of this resentment, I don't hate my mom. I hate what she's become.

I tell you this because care giving's a b*tch. There's always going to be resentment, I think, no matter how much we love our moms. But. When you start out filled with resentment before the get-go because of past behaviors, I think you become a powder keg ready to explode.

Stop care giving for your mom. Call Senior Services and get the ball rolling to place her -- somewhere. You're broken right now. She's apparently been broken a loooong time. Don't cheat your child and your hubby of a happy you.

Good heavens! Why on earth is this woman living with you? You are NOT "left to take care of her in your home."

Call a social worker. Get her out NOW. Then get some counseling for yourself.

Oh, boy, she has a lot more going on than Leukemia. You need to get her out of your house ASAP. Then you get some counseling for deep historical outrage. Get her to Assisted Living if she passes evaluation there. Her MD is the best person to ask about the best placement for her. Before you lose control and hit back, move her O-U-T.

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