Resent my family

I hear ya! I’m the youngest of 6 kids and currently taking care of my 88 yr old dad. He’s mostly easy to live with but he takes advantage of me continuously despite my talks with him about his being able to do lots of things I end up doing. And I do resent him for it. He’d be a hoarder or dead by now and my siblings just offer lip service support and Thank me for caring for him but do Nothing to help. I resent my family more though! They aren’t going to be in my life once he’s gone, though we weren’t ever a super close family to start. It’s sick to think that they know I’m losing all my prime years to his care, but because I was here when my mom died (I was almost 34),took care of her too, and had no husband or children I became the default caregiver. They claim that they would’ve done it but all of them wanted him to move from the city he wanted to be in and hadn’t spent any of their adult years around him to see how he is as a person. Plus, he doesn’t really like any of them. So here I am, 43 and barely maintaining a loving relationship with my bf who lives with us now and just being told Thank You by brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews and assorted cousins. You know right where they can stick their Thanks!

No one is truly forced to care for another, most especially one who is so unpleasant to care for. I’m sorry you’ve been in this position but please consider your own health, both emotional and physical, as well as the toll this is taking in terms of resentment and unfairness to your own family. I hope you’ll stand up for yourself and your husband and daughter and change the living arrangements. None of you deserve this. I wish you well

What does this have to do with the question the caregiver is asking? Sounds fishy to me, and even SCAM like. Perhaps the administration needs to remove this. Thanks.

It's downright depressing when the takers disappear when it's their turn to give back. Sounds like your dad gave the money with no strings attached, but I'm still amazed that your brother apparently sees nothing wrong with the situation. Picture a lady with two sons who always assumed she would live with one of them. Granted, she should not have been assuming this because technically neither is obligated. The son who she propped up financially over many years and situations was the first one to refuse to take her in. He couldn't say no fast enough and mother was surprised. His mother had softened his life so much that it's now all about him. (He, of course, feels she should have done more and his life is so tragic and on & on.) And he is the one with the extra bedroom. People change where money's involved - either the presence or the absence of money. The other son (the one who had to make his own way) also refused to take her in - basically because he feared the very situation that you are in right now. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I would be struggling with it as well.

Thank you for your response, it’s nice to know someone else understands.

Sounds like it's time to apply for Medicaid for your father, and get him in a facility ASAP. It can't be healthy for anyone in your household to be living under these conditions. And no one should be "forced" to take a loved one into their home. We all have choices, and it sounds like you have long regretted yours. So time to make some big changes, and get your father out of your house and into a facility, where he will be cared for 24/7, and you can get your life back, and hopefully let go of the resentment you have for him, and your brothers. Life's too short.

P.S. and by the way, you are welcome to vent here anytime. We all need to from time to time. Good luck.