Remark by counselor on sadness - "Are there guns in the house?"

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I want to ask my fellow caregivers for their Alzheimer's Disease advise. My 84 year old mother with AD has been living with us for 1.5 years and she has been declining. She and my family have had a difficult situation for a long time, but I managed to at least find a place in my home to protect her. She is in Stage 6, and I am getting pressure to put her in a nursing home. In the meantime, my wife wanted us to talk to a counselor about our feelings. This is a woman counselor who apparently helps people on Alzheimer's issues. I did alone, and then with my wife. My wife has less emotional impact on this, and she and the counselor were asking me what was giving me pause, and mostly it has been that I don't think my mother is at a mental state of degradation in terms of agitation, where she would readily fit in, based on the other tours I have been to. But they kept pushing me on my feelings about, and of course, as any human being who loves their parent is, I am sad about it. I told them how painful it was to watch your mother "die a little every day, losing her identity," and I couldn't help but cry a little. When the session was over, I had to go to the bathroom down the hall, because I had just got off work, and rushed over to make this appointment. When the female counselor was there with my wife, she asked my wife "are there any guns in the house?" I NEVER said anything that would inspire such an extreme response, and in fact, I am an anti-gun person. Now, I cannot tell you how offended I am by this insult behind my back. I have a right to be sad, I have a right to grieve, the ongoing loss of my mother, just like I would any member of my family. I keep it in check, I do my job, I support my family, I care for my mother, and I do a lot more. I am a healthy, responsible, competent adult. I don't think I should go to with my wife to a counselor, who asks me my feelings, to hear behind my back "are there any guns in the house."

The one time I open up face to face with someone, and this is what I get. It is not fair. I don't want to go back to someone who will disrespect me like that. Do you agree, or do you think I am making too much of this remark? I am incredibly offended by the callous nature of this comment.

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Oh Veronica91, the out of the country questions were far more detailed than that! There were maybe 8 questions -- had I handled dead bodies in a country that had Ebola outbreak, had I been in contact with bodily fluids -- etc. etc. They didn't really care if I'd traveled unless I had done specific things!
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Jeannie did you forget to mention the narcotic drugs and have you been out of the country in the past three weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I changed podiatrists this week and had to fill out the usual forms -- drugs, medical history, social history, etc. One of the questions was Do you have guns in your home? antoher was "Do you routinely use seatbelts?"

All this doctor was going to do was trim my toenails!

These days "Are there guns in your home?" is a simple routine question to check off a list.

I thought of this thread when I checked No.
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Perhaps you and your wife should have your own counselors...

Bad things happen...especially when we are under stress...

Strength to you. And understanding...
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Clearly the MD is also anti-gun. At least you are on the same page.
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I am not anti-gun, I own several for hunting and pleasure shooting. You are right to feel you have been labeled risky. I do think you should not let this slip on by, you should let this person know how you have been offended, after all they are supposed to be a counselor, right? Some one to tell your feelings to, right? Well, tell her your feelings, if nothing else get it off your chest.
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Hey Jeff. I dont know if you'll see this. Apparently, you are pissed off at the woman for offering compassion and sound advice. Dude, you need to get over yourself. If you spend five minutes on this site you'll see people with problems that make your situation look like a cake walk. I just read some of your posts a little more closely. Do you not have more pressing issues than your little ole hurt feelings about this innocuous gun comment ? For lack of a better expression, Man up dude!
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Hey Jeff, I'm a 60 year old guy taking care of my parents long distance. I'm dealing with dementia, diabetes, depression and all the attendant elder care issues. It's all on me, sibs died a short time ago. In the past 20 years I have attended various counseling, addiction, physc sessions with family members. This whole thing about the gun question that came up seems like small potatoes to me. Granted I don't have the complete context, but really....I don't see that it deserves all this ink. I've had to deal with th issue for real. Dad with dementia, mom clinically depressed. When their doc asked me about guns in the house I was like "holy s...t! He's right. I've got to get rid of dads guns!" Which I did which is another long saga. Like you, I lean towards anti gun attitude and also would like to see more men in this hen house. But I'm sure you know as well as I, caregiving duties almost always fall to women. I'm surprised that we don't hear more women caregivers complaining about this fact on this site. That could probably fill up 2 or 3 other web sites. You're doing good work with your elders and I wish you the best. Hope you stay active on the site. I've learned so much here. If you establish a guy thing somewhere, please drop me a line. I would be interested.
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Jeffrey,

I think you are well within your own rights as to how you felt about this comment.
Other posters have raised some valid points. But for me on the face of that remark.... I find it rather harsh. Now if she was trying to get information concerning your safety, your mother's, etc. I think it could have been worded differently, with way more tact. YOU have every right to your own feelings about it, too! Also,
she could have asked it while you were there.


Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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jeffrey ther have ben so many different views on this story that I put it to my own hubby as a hyperthetical question without any back ground as in "what would be your reaction if......" he said he would be angry, insulted and loose all confidence in the therapist.
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