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I spent time with my FIL at his 62nd high school class reunion today. There were about 35 elders here. What amazed me so is their state of mind! They were visiting, traveling, conversing, checking their smart phones etc!! They were making plans! FIL is incredibly codependent. He also will only do just enough to get by. My husband tells me FIL had always been this way. I am wondering if these two character flaws have contributed to his "old man" attitude. He does have Alzheimer's but is not at any advanced stage. He has acted old since I met him 16 years ago. He does not want to walk by himself although he's perfectly capable. He won't get himself anything to eat although he can get snacks, drinks, etc by himself. Frankly, if I would, he'd have me wipe his arse for him so he would not have to. I cannot imagine acting this feeble. He's really is not as "old" as he acts. I know I have to accept him exactly as he is yet I will admit there are days that I am extremely frustrated by his lack of effort.

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I know what you're talking about, Heidigreen. My father retired when he was around 70. He probably had Asperger's, though no one knew what that was at the time. After he retired, he sat down in a chair by the window, where he spent almost all of his life for the next 20 years. For the last 10 years of his life, he rarely did anything for himself. My mother brought him meals. He got up to use the bathroom and to go to bed. One night he broke his hip when he fell in the bathroom. After rehab, he totally resigned himself to the chair and bed. It seems that after he retired, he gave up on living and spent his time waiting for God to call him home. He seemed content in his chair and hated having company of any kind -- even family. Not much of a life when seen from the outside. I often wondered if he lived life in his imagination. It was hard to know since he didn't communicate with anyone.
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I see an attitude of giving up here too in FIL 87. Since he moved with us 3.5 yrs ago, he does the sum total of nothing. We have to chase him down to bathe, take a short walk or anything but EAT. He has not moved out of the neighborhood he was in, but still does not even seek to meet anyone new as his old friends are dying off. He has just walked away from his old condo, leaving everything in place and dumping the cleanup on us.I do not get it either. My own dad who is the same age and in far worse shape physically and mentally still does loads of stuff , not all good, but stuff none the less, lol.
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