Reasons Why People Say “Yes” When They Should Say “No.”

I found this article to be really interesting.

Written by, Rachael Bernstein LMFT, MSEd

It’s too long of an article to list everything. So, I am going to highlight the most relevant aspects that I feel fits in regards to caregiving.

Feelings of guilt

When you say “Yes” you may avoid having feelings of guilt. If you are prone to feeling a high level of guilt and feel as if you’re responsible for everything, then you will worry about feeling guilty if you say “No.”

You feel as if you are letting people down. You don’t know if you can live with yourself if you say “No.” You fear hearing the words, “We thought we could count on you.” So you say “Yes” to avoid hearing these words.

Family Influence

Saying “Yes” is related to the behavioral conditioning you went through while growing up. You learned to become a ‘people pleaser’ and never to say “No” to anyone in authority.

Lack of Energy

You might say “Yes” because you don’t have the energy to say “No.” If you have been neglected, abused or pushed to the brink, you are depleted of your energy. You may be so exhausted that you cannot handle being questioned, having to defend or justify your position or having someone upset with you.

Responsible

You often feel responsible for other people’s emotions. If you say “No” to someone and they become angry, you feel responsible for their anger. You will then do whatever will make things right to avoid “making them angry” again.

Integrity

Manipulators use the word “integrity” often. They expect you to be open to anything and say “Yes” to everything. Ironically, people who are manipulative do not have any integrity themselves.

Conditional Relationship

You sense that the relationship that you have is conditional rather than unconditional. You are afraid to say “No” to test the waters. You say “Yes” to please them. You are afraid to say “No” to set firm boundaries.

Dependent Personality

You are afraid of someone detaching from you if you say “No” You say “Yes” so you won’t feel abandoned.

Rescue Hero

You have found that it feels good to jump in and be the rescue hero, a savior by agreeing to do something. This is internally driven motivation. Controlling people love when people are motivated by thinking they are doing the ‘right thing’ because they don’t have to work so hard to coerce you to serve them.

Fear Of The Unknown

Saying “No” places you in the realm of the unknown. Some people will gravitate towards the familiar rather than opening the door up to the unknown. So they continue to agree and say “Yes” to others.

Reliance

You have either told yourself or others have told you that you are the only one that can do this job. So you may feel as if everything will fall apart if you say “No.”