Is it the generation we come from? My Grandmother had 8 children. Besides her kids my Dad doesn't remember not having someone else living with them. The last ones my Gma's father and sister who had cared for him. Now remember SS didn't come into effect until the 30s. My GGfather was in his late 60s then.
I know my DHs Aunt, a widow in her 90s, got mad when two of her brothers, with their wives, permanently moved to Fla. They should have stayed and helped her. (Her DH spoiled her and they never had children) So, I can see that generation feeling that family needs to be there for them.
I grew up in the 50s/60s. My Dad always said, once we graduated it was College or work. I chose work. I paid room and board. I didn't quit a job unless I had another to go to. I never borrowed large amts of money from my parents. I worked for everything I have gotten. No cosigners. When we bought a house, it was one we could afford on one salary. ( realize doesn't happen that way now) We are lucky to have some money put away. I asked for nothing.
My parents never instilled in us that we were responsible for each other's lives. I don't feel that my brothers should be a caregiver for me or me them. If my brothers lost their homes, yes I would offer them to stay with me until they got it all together. Yes, if one of my brothers lived alone, I would make sure they had food, heat and were safe. But, if they fought me at every turn and didn't appreciate what I was doing, I wouldn't do it. If they needed 24/7 care, I would find them a nice AL or LTC. Thats what I owe them. I don't owe them my life.
My parents were good parents. My Dad a little hard to live with but a good man. He, I would not have physically cared for. I would have found him a nice LTC facility and visited often. Mom I did care for but found it was too much and placed her in an AL 5 min up the road. Brothers never offered to care for her. One was having problems with his MIL and other one is in the wind somewhere.
I just can't understand when you see someone is already caring for someone, why would you even consider asking them to care for you. Like Jo, why does she feel that sister will ask to move in and why would she even consider it? (Not that u would Jo) And what really gets me is when someone has been caregiving for years and the LO dies. Freedom right. No, someone in the family feels now you can care for Aunt Lilly. What! Is it a sort of romantic outlook? Where you just help them dress, see they ate bathed and fed and its all hunky dory? Not that the person cared for is a narcissist, or stubborn as hell. And each bath turns into a fight. That they spill food all down the front of them meaning clean clothes. Not that ur toileting them like a toddler. That u have no time to yourself that ur tired and every bone aches. Your back will never be right again. And then they expect you to care for someone else.
I believe in giving a helping hand. Point them in the right direction. If they chose not to go in that direction, thats not your fault. If they haven't saved for a rainy day, thats not your fault. If you can help financially to get them over that "hump" ok but they need to find a way to stand on their own. If it means selling their house, that extra car so be it. We can't be everything to everyone. Sometimes I sit here wondering, and who is going to do for me when I am elderly. This doesn't mean I won't be there for people, just means I will not allow someone to take advantage of me.
Like someone said to me onetime "God does not expect us to be doormats"