Realized that I have to start moving on from my grief and start living.

I too have had a difficult time of processing grief and so, I understand your grief ,and hope you too will seek comfort in Jesus. He is the way, the truth and the light.
Bloom there is a glorious afterlife for the children of God.

Just a few thoughts - I posted a month ago to ask for advice about being a carer for my mum who sadly passed away 2 weeks ago - had lots of kind words and advice. I spent 3 years looking after her , selling my house and leaving an extremely well paid job - I find I too must now start looking to the future and start living again - although I am still so sad and angry about the circumstances she died in ( I somewhat tricked her into going to a care home - where she died in great agitation) I have to live with that guilt - but will not let it consume me. I had lots of plans for what I was going to do when the inevitable happened but now I have managed to do all the "paperwork" etc I find myself now questioning my decisions - should I move , go on holiday , get that tatoo I always promised myself , travel around the world? Will all of these things help me to forget or is it still going to be the same after these things have been done and Im back to reality ?

bloomschool I sympathise and understand exactly what you are going through - I hope you make the right desicion for you !! Much Love
MickyC

First I'd like to thank everyone for their help. It means a lot to me. I thought I would post an update. Well, it's been 1 year and 2 months since my mother has passed on. I'm doing much better in general. Although there are still moments of sadness and tears. And not a day goes by that I don't think of her several times a day.

I still have this burning desire to move back to where I grew up. But I realize its my desire to "return" to my family and the feelings of safety, security, love, etc. I got another therapist back in January, I think I mentioned that. She helped me figure these things out and some ways to cope. She didn't try to keep me coming back for more therapy. We both agreed I was doing better. It was an online therapist. But I still have to say, it's still hard to deal with grief in some ways. I no longer am beating myself up for the decisions I made. And mostly, do not feel the depths of sadness I once felt. Though, I feel quite alone at times since I have no immediate family anymore. My sister is still alive, but wants me out of her life and as I might have mentioned in a previous post, she didn't care if my mother was dying. The strange thing is, I have a strong desire to travel up to where she lives and try to reconcile with her. I guess that's also an attempt to "get back" to my family. I realize my sister probably won't change her attitude. So while I'd like to get in the car and drive 3+ days to Oregon(!), it's probably a futile attempt and not realistic. Although, I'd love to visit Oregon. So all in all I'm still trying to figure out what I want and where I want to live. However, I've decided to stay put for another year. I am getting more clarity as to the environment I would like to live in. So that's progress.

I have to say that I can't imagine the loss and grief people go through when a child or spouse dies. I had imagined the universe would have shown me the way forward, but nope, it appears I have to do it myself - at least that how it appears to me at this time. So that's a good lesson for me. I'm just playing it safe at present and staying put. The world situation kinda scares me, so I don't want to make any drastic changes at this time.

Again, thanks for listening, and helping me during this time. I guess we all go through it. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter for me, but still somewhat far away.

Bloom, So good to hear from you. Glad that you’re making progress and have a new therapist. It’s journey to go they grief - not an overnight thing.

Bloom; It's so good to hear from you!

I'm glad that you're making your way one step at a time. It's the only way.

Be well, and let us know how your journey forward progresses.

I too am glad to have an update on your journey. I knew months ago that you would find yourself again, not only as you moved forward but as you expanded your journey and experienced new perspectives. And that reconnection with self brings with it new insights and perspectives.

Sometimes I wish I could take a bullet train or something with such high speed that I could quickly journey pass the immediate post death rediscovery, but I also recognize that it's a valuable and probably necessary process of coming to terms with loss.

Dear Bloom,

Thank you for letting us know how are you doing. I find myself in the same boat. Wanting a change of scenery but, I, too have decided to stay put for another year.

Grief is a long journey. It sometimes shocks me that its almost 19 months since my father passed. And since then I've also had to process the loss of my grandmother and aunt. I wish coming to terms with loss was easier.

Glad you are hanging in there. Take care and thanks again for letting us know how are you doing.

Thanks all. I can’t imagine having multiple losses. It was hard enough losing one parent. I have wrestled with my beliefs of life after death and chose to believe in it as it gives me hope. Maybe that belief is silly and not true but I’ve come to the conclusion I need hope and would rather have hope than not have it. Yes it’s difficult to experience all this and really don’t want to go through this again. It’s been a life changing experience and I have a feeling I’ll discover that I have become a different person on some ways. I’m writing this after a sleepless night so maybe I’m rambling on. But I must be evolving into something new as I look back to when my mother was here and that feels like a past life for me. A life that is over and now I’m moving forward into another stage of life and it’s a little scary as I don’t yet know what’s down the road for me.

CDN, 3 deaths in a year is a LOT to deal with. You have some extra challenges to face, so I hope you're being kind to yourself and taking all the time you need.

I hope everyone is doing well. Caregiving and grief is so not easy. I’ve had a few days of the grief rising to the surface unasked again. Sadness. But I bounce back quicker. Time and a lot of reflecting has given me some clarity. My mom had a nervous breakdown when I was 12 and spent most of her life recovering. So I see now that I’ve kind of been helping her most of my life. Sometimes reluctantly. That’s my biggest regret. I wish I had more awareness and compassion for her, even though I was so young and pretty unaware into my 30s! I had to fend for myself growing up. Parents were not there for me. And the strange thing is they never talked about themselves so I know very little about their growing up years and there parents. So this morning I am more aware that my caregiving days are over and it’s my choice on how to move forward. But at the same time I am finding I’m not ready for change, even so much as moving furniture. So on one I very much want to move to a new nicer location, mountains, streams, nice weather...on the other I find I’m not ready. So I’m staying out another year to work out my feelings and gain more insight into my life and process my moms passing. But as each day passes I realize just a little more that, hey, I can go into any direction I want.

One step and one day at a time, Bloom!

Bloom, you're showing a new level of insight into the post-death grieving and recovery process, seeing the positives and negatives of both sides of making changes and segueing into a new, modified or different lifestyle and location.

The observation that you can "go into any direction" you want is an insightful one, and something I plan to "add" to my own post death planning. I'm still fighting to get out of the "I have to..." or "I need to..." mode in terms of managing and then wrapping up the Estate.

It's coincident that you posted these observations on a holiday weekend. I was thinking the same thing. Trust and estate work gets set aside today. I'm rereading for the umpteenth time one of my favorite author's books - Peter Mayle, on his transition from England to France. I'll sit back with some lemonade and dream about living in Provence, one of my lifelong dreams.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on your journey, today, and life going forward. I think contemplating these options is one of the necessary recovery actions after we lose someone.

Well another update on the road to healing. I’m off to travel back again to where I though I want to move. Checking out some other towns in western New York finger lakes region. I have some more clarity what I want. And thinking about my parents and family and realizing more and more how they are “really” gone from this world. And their hold on me is lessening as I feel more free to shape the life I’d like to live. Not quite sure what that life is but it’s beginning to peek through the fog. I’ve realized a little bit more that I’m in a new stage of life and the things that happened to me growing up in an abusive family is a past life and I can brush that part of my life aside. I do have days I miss my mother deeply but she’s earned the right to move on to the next life (my belief) and in that sense I’m happy for her. I’ve somewhat stopped looking at her passing as a tradgedy and have somehow reframed it as a reward for her hard life and suffering. It’s all very difficult to put into words. But even though the grief rears it’s ugly head uninvited I’m seeing this as my birth into a new life however foggy it appears at this time. I’m beginning to look forward more and less into the past. Just thought I’d try to express that a bit. All very complicated I guess.

It all sounds hopeful. Thanks for sharing!