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My mother moved in with my husband and I about five years ago. With her I also got my, now, 15 year old niece. My niece is wonderful and not a problem, however my mother is having a huge negative impact on the entire household. Her health is not great (heart and lung disease), and so she is extremely limited on what she can do around the house. She refuses to go anywhere or do anything. We all feel that her whole source of entertainment is us. We are watched at every turn. "what are you eating", "what are you doing", "where are you going". What, where, when, why, how all day long everyday. then there is the starring. Always watching you. Always!, Now we are all resentful of the intrusions the questions and watching are causing. I feel like I am expected to check in with her on every damn detail of my life, and hate it! I want her to just move out, find her own place. When I was growing up I thought my mom was the toughest, most amazing person, but having lived with her these past years I have become completely disillusioned with my childhood memories of her. My anger and frustration is leaking out of my ears. I feel guilty that I don't even want to spend time with my husband or my niece because my mom has me so amped up with frustration that I just don't want to be around anyone. How sad is this?...When she had to stay in the hospital over night we all feel like a breath of fresh air was blowing through the house. The stress levels drop two fold and everyone was practically gleeful. I know that there has to be a better way to make this work, but I really am at a lose to see any light at the end of this tunnel. So I ask you for suggestions or comments that could help bring about some resolve to this issue that we are struggling with.

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I agree with freqflyer 100%
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Sorry my page jumped that comment was for a different ?
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I vote CARLA YES, get out of Dodge, save youself.
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How old is she? She needs something to do - friends- a hobby- she was amazing because she ruled the roost. Now, since you are the roost ruler and she is in YOUR ballpark...she has no title, no dragons to slay. I've got one of those too. My mom loves to stuff envelopes. And dust. Oy. So she stuffs envelopes that I pretend I need stuffed, and is calmly dusting a clean room. We must be together because she has nowhere else to go; and cannot be left unattended. As soon as I have another idea or two...will check back with you.
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You absolutely need to put your foot down with your mother NOW. Why are you allowing her to "hold you hostage?" It is YOUR house, YOUR rules - not hers. She is still a "guest" in your house, even if she is your mother. You need to resume control.
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Oh my, this sounds very much like what our family went through with my mom's MIL. She drove us all bats for a while, then she became dangerous to herself due to behaviors in the home. By then all the kids had moved out; poor mom felt trapped with her all day, unable to leave her alone lest she set something on fire (again) by accident. She moved to a group home for dementia patients. She died a few years after that. Just a gentle reminder that all this is sure to be temporary. Remember your amazing mom for who she is/was and try not to dwell on her current illness too much. (I think some of your frustration may be like mine, originating in an admittedly selfish resentment that my parents are too ill to be who I remember them being anymore. But it's just that, an illness, and they really can't help it, as much as it seems like they should be able to at some level.)
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Your mother sounds very much like mine. I have a 16 year old granddaughter living with us and my mother is on her all the time, nothing she does is right according to my mother but then nothing I do is either. She demands to know where I'm going and when I'll be back anytime I leave. She plays the guilt card very well and knows just how to push the buttons she installed in me 60 years ago. Its a very discouraging and toxic. I know exactly how you feel when you say a hospital stay is like a breath of fresh air. I wish I had an answer for you. All I can say is you are not alone and try to take care of yourself, you are just as important as she is. God Bless.
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Please look on Youtube and view/learn from every seminar by Teepa Snow. There is a type of Dementia that entails "shadowing" behavior, not sure which one. This may be going beyond living vicariously through you. This may be more than just her only entertainment being you. Teepa Snow is the hands down expert on all these behaviors and identifying the corresponding forms. I hope none of this applies but sounds like it will. This may not be intentional to drive you mad, she may have Dementia.
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I too am dealing with a mom and an aunt, since my aunt moved here 4 yrs ago my moms has become resentful towards me and my kids. For many years I was the main one taking care of her and now it's as if my mom hates the world and I, she accuses my kids and I of wanting to take her money etc. I've had it and don't go around her much now. We use to do everything together. I've lost my mom and am having a hard time with the forgiveness of how she's has acted and treated me.
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My mom (80 with mild dementia)lives with me, and I am her caregiver. I work outside the home for 8 hours but am close enough I come home at lunch. She too was questioning everything. But when you are alone for hours on end, with no one to talk to, I suppose this is they side effect. At lunch, I tell her how my morning was, where we are going after work, what we are having for dinner etc. and then when I get home, after the errands or if none, after dinner, I tell her, "I am going to watch TV in my room. If you need anything, let me know." And then retreat to your room and CLOSE THE DOOR. Your can read, watch tv whatever, but you need that separation. In your situation, it may work better if she is the one isolated and you tell her, the rest of you are going to watch a movie. As far as the starring at you.... call her out on it..."what are you starring at?" why are you watching me like I am about to steal something? Often they don't realize what they are doing. Best of luck.
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