Questioning my ability to put myself in his reality...

Follow
Share

We caregivers are counseled to put ourselves into the minds of our loved ones. It is so hard, but I have been trying to do this, because if I don't, I find myself being constantly irritated and my tone of voice is angry. I was told to respond to the constant repetition of questions throughout the day with an attitude of "please pass the salt." That has worked for me until recently, but I can feel that my "tone" has become increasingly frustrated and even angry. I can still remember when my husband was a bright, funny, capable man who I could always rely on and talk to about anything; who, although it did not come easily, could apologize when he was wrong, and whose affection always brightened my day. All of that no longer exists. But I know that his soul is still there and because of that I must keep telling myself how it must be crying out to be heard and I cry with him and for him. Yesterday I could tell he was more tired than usual and cranky too -we'd had a big day the day before as we celebrated out of town with family a birthday. He had not been around that many people in a long time and though he did well while we were there, I think it was exhausting both mentally and physically. And so I promise here that I will keep trying to be a better caregiver and to somehow help this man feel loved.

44

Comments

Show:
1 2 3 4 5
She1934, can you put an earbud in one ear and listen to music or watch an YouTube video or rent a movie to watch on a tablet while the baseball game is playing on the TV? This strategy has got me through three years of streaming Lawrence Welk variety shows and the same Daniel O’Donnell video every Sunday. The one ear technique leaves you the opportunity to reply to you LO’s comments.
(0)
Report

She, how can you go on, sweetie? Sounds as if you've hit the wall, and no end in sight? Do you need to make a change? Maybe a big one?
(0)
Report

Wow, that sounded awful. I am really sorry. I just cannot seem to function well this week.
(1)
Report

She1934,
Listening, reading. Today I visited you here, just wanted you to know.
Support and love to you in your struggle.
(1)
Report

As a few weeks have gone by, and my physical and mental exhaustion grows worse, I find myself in a place I never wanted to be. One night he gets up every half hour or so-"I need coffee", " you're starving me", " take me home", etc. I swear I am trying, but I cannot get any good rest. Then another night he stays asleep and gets up at 9 am, but I keep checking on him-afraid that he may have stopped breathing. He fights going back to bed, puts his clothes on and his teeth in, yet just an hour or so before he can't even stand and I have to wheel him to bed in a transport chair. I have found wonderful quotes on patience, I take advantage of any quiet moments in the morning to meditate. I Stretch and exercise and gird myself for the day-drink water, put the first load of wash in. Once he's awake - most likely by 6, then the entire day is spent tending to his whims, his needs, his obsessions, and packing for our move. Tonight we are watching baseball, which for me is like watching paint dry. I sit here answering literally question after question about a game I have grown to hate, and about anything that randomly pops into his mixed up mind. I want to scream and never stop. Eventually I may get him tucked into bed only to begin again. I am here 24/7 with an occasional 2 hours to myself if his daughter decides to come by, but even then I just try to breathe. He has let our dog out three times and I have to go get the little bugger. I know we are in this together, but these days and nights are literally killing some of us. As for me, I would rather it be sooner than later.
(2)
Report

Teri4077: You are so welcome! I learned long ago that caregiving is not a contest and even if it were, I don't aspire to be on top. My words come from the heart and are factual. My mother and I were polar opposites as she was a sugar coater even when it came down to speaking with medical professionals. And thank you for your kind words of inspiration, Teri4077!
(0)
Report

as I've been reading and posting on this site it's been fascinating to see how we are all drawn to certain people's posts and not so much to others. I'm finding myself seeking out posts from people who I know will share my perspective and provide helpful, rather than negative, feedback. Thanks for doing so, Llamalover!
(1)
Report

mally: Yes, so true!
(0)
Report

Teri4077: You're very welcome! Caregiving isn't easy, but when you've got God on your side, you can do it.

"But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
(1)
Report

Thanks, Llamalover -- as I move into this new phase of my life (retiring early and moving to Mom's state, moving her in with me) I especially appreciate that guidance to keep my focus on the Lord.
(3)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
Related
Questions