A question for God.

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I have been faithful (not perfect), but faithful my whole life. My Dad is a pastor and so was my Grandpa. I just don't understand why God is keeping my Grandma here! She is 94. That is too old. She is confused, tired, frustrated with her body, incontinent, her teeth are literally falling out of her head, she can barely walk anymore, she is tethered to her oxygen tank and even sleeping makes her tired. She cries a lot. Sometimes because she can't remember something, sometimes because she can't remember what it was she couldn't remember, sometimes because the sky is blue. Her quality of life is crappy. And ours has really gone downhill since we moved her in with us. There is not much peace. She is very uncomfortable and needs us all to know. There is much moaning and groaning and "oh I cant's". If we ignore it then she fakes an "attack". I realized yesterday she was faking a big one when I left her for a second to get the phone (she wanted me to call an ambulance) and when I walked up behind her I saw her petting the kitty and acting totally fine. Then when she saw me she was dying again. Her pre-Dementia self would have been mortified with this behavior. She is just not herself. It feels mean. Like God is punishing her. She is ready to go. We are all prepared. We will miss her but to be honest we miss her already.
Just needed to vent. I can't say these things out loud.

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Sue & Madge -- I am a ruminator, too. Right or wrong, my perception of "let it go," "move on," and "the only behavior you can control is your own" (and all the other pop-culture chestnuts) are code words for You Are Now Commanded To Be A Chump.

I understand the spirit of such advice. I really do. What I struggle with is....the implication that I should not waste my time expecting decent behavior from people. Nope, can't drink that Kool-Aid.

I do expect decent behavior from people. 😳Some downfall, eh?!
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And we probably didn't realize they were the good old days

I remember thinking several years back when it was a struggle to deal with mom's care after she broke her back and was in rehab for a couple of months -
Maria Shriver had been part of a documentary about Alzheimer's and after watching an episode, I thought at least I'm not dealing with that

Mom used to say watch your thoughts as the thing you complain about may be taken away from you in a way you might not want
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Gosh Madge,
Wouldn't it be great if we could be " like a duck", as they say. Just let everything that frustrates us roll off, like water on a ducks back.
I tend to have things fester in my brain too and when , as Popeye says, "It's all I can stands and I can't stands no more!" I usually let the person involved know I'm not happy. How do we turn off this behavior?
I know we're not supposed to "sweat the small stuff" but sometimes dealing with late stage Alzheimer's requires super human abilities.
Oh, to return to the "good old days."
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Hang in there, Sue
Maybe they're  not flashes but just this dang heatwave

Hope the Cipro takes care of mom's UTI

While I think I'm pretty patient, I'm still easily annoyed by things that are really out of my control which causes me to ruminate on them so I guess I haven't learned the lesson yet
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I've been fairly emotional lately (son has problems, we can't afford to keep mother in the memory care facility, A girlfriend who told me I was her best friend for years ended our relationship for unknown reasons, I'm having a resurgence of hot flashes (menopause (been there, done that at 51) but symptoms at 60?), etc.) I feel I need help to "smooth out". I'm just overwhelmed. I don't want to be poping Ativan and turn into a benzodiazepine addict every time I get stressed. (Thank God for Ativan though-I can't stay asleep without it.) I don't like the side effects of antidepressants either but I'll give it a try. My depression is situational too but right now I can't see the forest for the trees.
Stacey,
Mom and I went to the doctor today (what an ordeal) to check out what I suspected was a UTI. Sure enough, she has one and is now on Cipro. We also got her meds straighten out.

Two nights in a row I found her sitting naked on her bed after I tucked her in. Claims she had "itching powder" in her diaper!! This "itching powder " hallucination happens about 20 times a day. Impossible to redirect her. So I got mad and took her to the bathroom, got her set up again and back to bed. By this time the Ativan and Seroquel have kicked in and she'll be snoring until morning, if I'm lucky.

The 2 caregivers are coming tomorrow for interviews, one for night, one for day. Both hubby and I will be here also but at least we can leave if necessary. I'll be working 2 days a week and, even though it's kind of like the same caregiving/nursing thing as my mom, it will be a change of pace and gets me out of the house and add some extra $ to add to the income.
I must not loose hope.
I think it was Paul who said, "Take joy in your trials, for through trials, comes perseverance, perseverance- character and character-hope.

I hope I have the perseverance to get through the trials. 😊 🙏🏽
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Sue, are there any meds that can be Rx's for your Mom, to help keep her calm during the day, and others to "knock" her out at night? You and your husband need to rest up, in order to be good caregivers! Antidepressants only go so far, and the Ativan too, thanks God for those, but sometimes the trials to get your Antidepressants just right are such a pain! I am unwilling to even try them, since I feel my depression is definitely situational. I know that they are difficult to come off of, after seeing my sister try, time and time again. I'll stick to the occasional Valium like med, when Enough is Enough!

As for God and his timeliness in taking our Loved ones home, I am still stumped over this and it has caused me to question my faith. All 3 of our parents suffered so, at the end of their lives, and now having my FIL back home on Hospice, with Lung cancer, spreading to the bones of his ribs and chest wall, WHY? I just don't understand the suffering they have to go through, and us as well, watching and trying to help them through it! It's beyond my comprehension that there isn't a better way to take them "home", before things get too bad, too painful, it's so depressing and horrible what they have to endure!

I know exactly what I'm going to do at that point! Thank God that Death With Dignity is legal in our state! I've experienced one family member who had Cancer spread throughout his whole body end his own life this way, and it was calm and peaceful, and definitely something that I would consider if I should become so ill, and a burden to my family. Maybe that is the answer. It's only right that we should get to choose how we end our life without penalty. I for one wholeheartedly agree with this option, although it is a very personal decision, and not one to be taken lightly.

God Love all Caregivers!
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Nana always said "Si voglio lo Signore" ( If god wants). She did not want to be over 90, but she lived to 96. She simply accepted His plan. Easier said than done.
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lesa--
I am a "woman of faith"--for lack of a better description. I hope in the next life we get to have a Q& A with God. Seriously, I do want to know why some things have happened to me in my life, why I was "chosen", so to speak.

I have been through so many trials with my husband, and I DO believe that God was a part of all the stuff--good and bad. I heard the phrase "in God's time" so many times, regarding a situation that wasn't getting better, etc. I have come to see that "God's time" is usually a VERY long time. How else would we learn patience??

I have no answers really, I also wonder about the seemingly random suffering, esp in the very elderly, as they often seem to take forever to "go" and are miserable and in pain.

Trials can make us stronger or tear us to pieces, it's how we handle them.

Oh, and yes, my yes!! The antidepressants!! I KNOW God was behind those!! :)
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And on the eighth day God created anti depressants......

Sorry. Couldn't resist the opening.
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I don't know why but when things get hard for me that is when my faith seems to get stronger. I think whenever things are going well and I start thinking I can do things on my own, that is when I feel a distance growing between me and my faith. I do feel that is why God lets us struggle sometimes cause otherwise he may never hear from us. Sometimes the answer is right there in front of our nose and we don't see it. It's like that old joke about the guy stranded on a desert island praying "Oh Lord, help me, help me Lord" Then a yacht shows up and he turns it away and says "that's okay, my Lord will save me" Then a few more mths go by, nothing happens and he cries"Lord, Lord, where are you?" Next day a helicopter comes by and he says"oh, that's okay, I'm waiting on the Lord" More mths. go by and the man says "Lord, why have you deserted me?" Then suddenly a booming voice comes down from the heavens and the man hears the Lord's voice "What do you mean I deserted you, I sent a yacht, a helicopter............."

Anyway, I know I've told this one before but it always applies. It goes the other way too. Sometimes, something bad will happen. Not real bad, but inconvenient bad. Then, something even worse will happen, and so on and so on. That's the only way he can get some people's attention.

I'm not saying that it's anyone's fault if they or their loved ones get dementia and all that but anyway...............what am I saying? Just babbling at this point maybe. LOL!
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