We learn the skills of emotional regulation from those who raise us. (What happens when home is a scary place?) Kids come into this world partially hardwired by genes, but nurture does the rest. Interaction between parent & child forms neural paths that help or hinder our emotional life. The child depends on the parent to BE their emotional external regulator, & if the parent is the one who scares them, the child loses access to emotional regulation. Being scared, with no one to tell them it's okay, or cuddle them, embeds the fear as an overpowering force that they will struggle with for life. For some of us, this is our story.