Hello everyone! I am new to this forum and very happy I found it. I have a situation with my brother who is "acting up" in more ways than one. My father passed away from cancer at the end of April. His wife, my mother, has Alzheimer's and cannot make rational decisions. Before he passed, he wanted to make sure that I had control over finances and mother's health after he died, so he made me financial and medical power of attorney over both of them. He was of sound mind when he did so, and had my mother sign hers also.
My brother is a chronic freeloader (46 years old), has been in prison for too many DUIs, and just got off of probation last December, just for some background. My father's goal for me was to get mother moved to assisted living as soon as possible, so I focused on that goal. Four days after my father passed, my brother started sending me nasty texts saying that he is "taking control". I went over to the house to get a few things moved to mother's new apartment and he physically assaulted me (shoved me against a wall repeatedly, then pinned me there). It was then he let me know that he got mother to sign another POA (only the financial one) for him. The threatening texts continued to come for weeks after that, but I did finally decide to file assault charges, and I may tack on harassment.
He can't touch any money because I am the beneficiary of that money, and have been a signor on my parents' bank acount for years. My father's wishes were for do exactly as I have, but I need to get some work done at the house so we can sell for a larger profit. However, my brother has essentially taken over the house, changed the locks, and said he will "sell it when he's ready".
Anyway, my question is, since my mother can't make rational decisions, isn't his POA null and void and mine still active since my father was of sound mind?
I believe we might have to pursue legal action, so if anyone has any advice on that, please share.
Thanks!
There is no way to sugarcoat it. Dementia is absolutely devastating for the entire family.
If your SIL took her husband to three neurologist your brother has been seen by "real specialists." The fact that they came to different conclusions does not prove they are not competent doctors. "Dementia" is fairly easy to diagnose, but pinpointing the exact disease is far more complicated. As things stand now, the only absolutely accurate way to see what is happening in the brain is to examine it post mortem. When autopsy results are compared to the diagnosis on record, the accuracy rate of diagnoses is dismal -- and this includes specialty clinics around the country.
I belong to a support group for caregivers of persons with Lewy Body Dementia. It has been a number of years and many of the people with dementia have died. Only 2 had autopsies. My husband's diagnosis was confirmed -- he had a more severe case than his symptoms would indicate. The other man's diagnosis with LBD was proven to be incorrect, even though it was made by one of the area's leading experts in the disease. I don't know whether it is a consolation or just adds to your frustration, but the fact that your brother's diagnosis has varied so much is common, and is not an indication of poor care.-
I know how much you would like to be able to DO SOMETHING for your brother. I can't tell you how much I wanted a magic wand for my husband, and now for my mother. Being helpless adds to our grief. It sounds like you have tried to do everything you can think of. If you were geographically closer there would be other things you could try.
As it is, I think you need to make peace with the fact that your SIL is in charge of her husband's care. Direct your frustration and anger at the disease itself. That is the true source of the problems here.
I am truly sorry that you are in so much pain.