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Hi! I'm new to the forum but would appreciate any advice you could give. My father passed away last year and even though my mom is physically healthy, she is very dependent and cannot live alone, so I moved her up to live with me. She has had 2 breakdowns in her life, both years ago, and i was pleasantly surprised that she has held it together so far after his death. She hasn't worked since 1986 and my father retired in '88, so they spent all day, every day, together. I am a teacher so it was hard for her to adjust to me being gone all day but I've been home for the summer the past 2 months, which she's liked.

Here's the thing though, I'm having a hard time adjusting to living with her. She is constantly criticizing me, picking fights, developing mysterious ailments (especially when I make plans to go out with friends) and such. She wants my entire life to revolve around her and what she needs and I feel like I'm suffocating. I am an only child with no family of my own, so there is no one else to help. Plus, I go back to school in a couple of weeks, where I'll have 100+ 7th grade students also making demands of me. How can I survive all this?

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My mother is the same way about acquiring a mysterious illness the day before I would go anywhere, and, in addition, she would be in an especially bad mood, which in turn, would put me in a bad mood, to the point where I didn't even feel like going anywhere anymore. I can't tell you how many times I have cancelled plans. What I do now, is wait to tell her until practically the last minute that I am going somewhere. Possibly you could try it with her at least once, and see if it helps. It is a must that you have time for yourself.
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Ladybard,

Check out these two forum's. They provide great support and feedback and most of them have been caregiver's for a while now and know what it is like to feel "burnout.'"

The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/no-one-ever-asks-how-the-caregiver-is-doing-146661.htm

Grossed Out? Need to Vent? Just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/Grossed-Out-Need-to-Vent-Just-caught-Mom-using-my-toothbrush-to-comb-her-hair-138180.htm

Also, we have our own special burnout section with ton's of articles and resources for those going through "Caregiver Burnout." https://www.agingcare.com/Caregiver-Burnout

Hope these help!
Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team
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If it were me I'd have her hire someone to sit with her during the day if she thinks it's necessary. You need the time out and when school starts again you need to work. You can't meet unreasonable demands. If a child did what she's doing you wouldn't give in. This is no different. Maybe she would enjoy going to an adult day care a few times a week. You're very sweet to care for her. Don't let her unkind words make you think any differently. Let us know how this unfolds.
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