This may be a little long, so I apologize now. I am a 42 year old woman with 73 year old parents. My mother suffers from severe bi polar disorder, and was also diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder, about 15 years ago. My father is a socially and intellectually inept, aging pot head (can't quite grasp the fact that this isn't 1967 anymore). Over the course of mine and my sibling's childhood, my parents made very poor choices financially, socially, etc...that rendered them incapable of providing a functioning parental model. I will not go into the long list of things mom has done, but I have chosen to distance myself both physically ( I live in Texas, they in California) as well as emotionally and mentally.
As one would guess, their poor financial management, has left them penniless, and pretty much friendless. The few friends they do have are people of questionable character (one is a registered sex offender). They are currently living in a run down, one bedroom rental home that is infested with cockroaches and mice. They lost two homes that they owned, and almost wound up homeless as they have basically alienated the entire family.
I was back in town in May, for my oldest daughter's college graduation and stopped by to see them. My mother I can tell, is deteriorating with possible dementia as well as her bi polar disorder. She had her meds stabilized for a number of years, and was functioning normally, until about 6 months ago, she wound up in another mental institution due to something going wrong with her medication. My father does not have the capability to care for her, and if something happens to her, he will have to go somewhere. They are also both unlicensed and uninsured (shouldn't be driving anyway), and I discovered that they have TWO different state license plates on their car, because the rear plate was stolen. My dad fished out an old license plate that he had stored, that came off a different car. This is how his thinking works. He says it is to throw the cops off. I find this unacceptable.
My parents have only social security income, which isn't much, no assets at all, and only own the affore mentioned old car. I don't like my parents much, but I do love them. I am concerned about their declining years. For the reasons mentioned in the first paragraph, I simply cannot live with them again. I am also not in a position to do so. I do have a sister and brother, but my sister has a home and family of her own, and my brother lives with his father (he is my half brother).
I am wondering if I should send an agency to check in on them, and possibly evaluate them. My daughters both live in the same town, but are both busy with their own lives. I also don't know what my options are when it comes time to place them somewhere. I have read that assisted living homes, are very pricey, and do not take medicare.
I know I will get some criticism and backlash for my attitude, however, I have many reasons for this. Thank you for letting me vent, and ask a few questions.