Positive changes.

Beatty, that's cute

I learned what I don't want to be when I grow up. 😂

I don't want to save things for my kids, cuz honestly my kids don't care to have, the outfit that they where wearing when they had there first birthday pictures taken.

I learned that I want to be dependent as I can, to figure everything I can out now , on how to do things, so I won't need to bother anyone. Told my husband yesterday we need a new bathroom shower, because we are going to need it.

I'm trying to get all my Ps and Qs in a line now. And since my husband is older, I'm trying to know everything I can that I always let him take care off. I'm trying to be pro active checking if we need oil for the furnaces.

I'm trying to learn to not be so set in my ways like mom is. That if I can't find the perfect tomato in the store. My day isn't ruined , the imperfect tomatoes, will work fine.

And I'm working on being more positive in life and thankful for what I do have and not complain about what I don't.

So even before this forum I've learned a lot from mom about what I don't want to be

"I am much braver and more direct,"

Yeah! 💪

I told a friend I had gone sugar-free... she sighed & said yes she needed to do that... "Stop!" I said.
"I am talking about TALKING".

No sugar-coating.
The plain truth.
As it is.

Yes! We are going to survive this and we are going to be even better than before when we come out the other side. I have to believe that. I have to, how else could I keep going.

I found that caregiving was not my "gift". I read a book by a Christian comedian, Rita Renfroe, some years back. She found that she just did not have certain gifts. And that was what she told people when asked to volunteer for certain things. "Sorry, thats not my gift".

But I did find that there were things I could do and got them done. But to this, I had to put a wall up. I get overwhelmed when there is just too much going on. I had to learn to take one thing at a time. I so wish that I had used a lawyer for a lot of stuff but then I would not have learned what I have.

When Mom moved in with me I was 65. Ten years later I have realized I need to use the resources allowed my Nephew, who is disabled. He has had different coordinators in the 5 years he has been getting help from the State. I found out from his newest one, that things I have been doing, he could be doing. So can his CBS worker he has on Fridays. I can step away from dealing with Medicaid and the caseworkers. If P has a problem, its between him and his coorinator. A weight has been lifted. I only have my responsibility as a DPOA, which for someone with no assets, is not much.

I think we all become smarter about whatever disease we are dealing with with our loved one, and like you BayPoodle, become more direct and don't tolerate any BS, as we just don't have time for it.
And when are caregiving journey is all said and done, we find that we are more compassionate, understanding, empathetic and stronger than we were when our journey first began.
And those are all gifts and attributes that we will carry with us until we leave this world for the next.

I think the biggest positive changes happened after I joined this forum.
And I have only been here for a few months, so for the first time in a few years I'm actually looking forward to a future. I'm looking forward to more and more emotional growth and learning, where 3 months ago, all I was doing was dreading how many doctors appointments does mom have this week.

I think with covid and the stress that gave us especially the added stress to caregivers , it made caregivers need help like this even more and more important to life, we are now a world post covid trying to put it behind us, but it really added much stress to many of us caregivers

The biggest change in me is asking for help. I think with caregiving, my self worth was down to 0, I didn't feel worthy to ask for help, I literally felt worthless, how could I not , when the one person you are trying to help makes you feel like you don't matter. Just trying to get a flu or covid vaccine for myself was impossible. I needed the vaccine but they make me sick after so I wanted a few days with no appointments for mom after. She couldn't find a few days for me to fit it in where she had nothing for me to do. Because I really didn't matter. Now I've discovered I MATTER. I really didn't even realize why I wouldnt ask for help until this question. And it all started pouring out of me how worthless I was feeling and why. It's like 2 +2 is starting to equal 4 now.

Even getting a massage was so hard for me to do. No matter the how much I paid for them, to have someone actually do for ME felt so strange. Well I forced myself to get one. And am looking forward to another one soon.

Thanks guys for making me feel worthy!!!

What an interesting topic. I’ve also learned how to ask for and accept help when offered. I recognize my strength and have confidence that I can handle things going forward, now on my own.

OMG yes.
First of all I learned so much. Not because I wanted to, because I was well satisfied with what I knew. I didn't want to know more.
But I had to learn.
I had to overcome anxiety. I had to learn to seek help (Good grief, how I hate seeking help).
I sought help RIGHT HERE!!!!! And I learned so much from it. I think I could never repay the help and support.

More "brave"and more "direct" you ask?
Cancer had already taught me SOME of brave earlier, and a tiny bit of direct in standing up for myself.
But I was lacking in courage. I was anxious. I was stuck in my insular protected hive. I couldn't imagine an attack on that safety by the taking down of the one who had stood to protect me my ENTIRE LIFE. Hansel to my Gretel his was always the hand that took mine if I was afraid. He was the one who so early on said to me "If I have a penny then YOU have a penny". He was my brother, the one I could ALWAYS TURN TO.
And then he had to tell me he had Lewy's Dementia. He had to ask me to be his POA and his Trustee and his protector. Protector even against HIMSELF.
I thought to avoid this. "Fiduciary" I shouted. And my partner had to remind me what I owed.

I AM more brave. But in all honesty I am still a very anxious and frightened person, one who can be tipped over the edge with great ease. (as I found out tonight) merely by making plane reservations, hee hee. We are who we are, but I will be on the Sound in July and y'all won't hear a THING from me for a month! Don't get excited.)

And I am more direct FOR SURE. I am, in fact, now blunt. I now believe that pu*sy-footing around things just delays them, and that the evil lurkings out there gain strength from our fear and our delay. And most of all from our lack of honesty.

So yes, there is much loss. Some gain perhaps. Hard to measure.
I sometimes think, when out walking, and thinking--THINKING--what a wealth is in our heads, those of us who have been through a bit.
But so much of it stays locked in there and not shared with others.
We don't speak to one another, not honestly enough.
Just my humble opinion.

I'm getting better at setting boundaries in general, in all aspects of life now

I love that question, bay, I'm thinking about it and looking forward to others answers