For the past three nights my husband has kept me awake all night long with him getting out of bed, getting dressed and insisting that I either "take him home," because he does not believe he lives here and does not believe I am his wife-at least five times a night, then insists on getting up at about 4:30 has to have cigarette and coffee, then promptly falls asleep on the sofa, while I then have to change the bed, empty his commode, clean, do the wash-sheets, liner, etc, take care of his meds and meals and the ongoing paperwork I have to try to get financial help, then start the process all over again. I am truly sick of those on this sight who talk about how they "love" caring for their "loved one" who is so sweet and on and on. I am so angry this morning, so exhausted, so lonely I just want to die-truth-just die. Though this time it is three nights, I haven't had more than two hours of sleep for two years now. Don't bother telling me it is time to find placement for him. I have $3.00 in my bank account and no savings, no benefits, up to my eyebrows in credit card debt, no weekend not a vacation in in seven years, a totaled car, about to have to foreclose on my tiny home and I get nothing but crude names, and intermittent violence and yet when his family visits for three hours every two weeks he's all smiles and happy. Please God just let me go. This pain from a formerly loving man IS more than I can bear. Please no "God never gives you more than you can handle" crap. It's just not true. I am completely mentally, emotionally and physically done. bBlood pressure was high anyway, but now out of control. Sad but I am praying for a deadly stroke, then his family (step kids of mine), can see what this is really like. Please.