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For the past three nights my husband has kept me awake all night long with him getting out of bed, getting dressed and insisting that I either "take him home," because he does not believe he lives here and does not believe I am his wife-at least five times a night, then insists on getting up at about 4:30 has to have cigarette and coffee, then promptly falls asleep on the sofa, while I then have to change the bed, empty his commode, clean, do the wash-sheets, liner, etc, take care of his meds and meals and the ongoing paperwork I have to try to get financial help, then start the process all over again. I am truly sick of those on this sight who talk about how they "love" caring for their "loved one" who is so sweet and on and on. I am so angry this morning, so exhausted, so lonely I just want to die-truth-just die. Though this time it is three nights, I haven't had more than two hours of sleep for two years now. Don't bother telling me it is time to find placement for him. I have $3.00 in my bank account and no savings, no benefits, up to my eyebrows in credit card debt, no weekend not a vacation in in seven years, a totaled car, about to have to foreclose on my tiny home and I get nothing but crude names, and intermittent violence and yet when his family visits for three hours every two weeks he's all smiles and happy. Please God just let me go. This pain from a formerly loving man IS more than I can bear. Please no "God never gives you more than you can handle" crap. It's just not true. I am completely mentally, emotionally and physically done. bBlood pressure was high anyway, but now out of control. Sad but I am praying for a deadly stroke, then his family (step kids of mine), can see what this is really like. Please.

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Dear She, here is a place that you may get info and help. Go to eldercaredirectory.org. This sight may give you some help and answers. You can access info from the state you live in. Take care of your own health and I hope you get the emotional help and support you need right now. I wish you all the best.😊
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Yes! - Or some common, elective but important surgical procedure that would keep you in hospital or rehab for two or three nights... bunion removal or something like that.
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She, I just thought of something. Anyway you could get one of hubby's grown children to take care of him for a week while you were away. Any relatives or friends couch you can crash upon. They could come to pick you up.

Make up some story why you need to leave the house. In a situation like this it is ok to use a "theraputic lie". Bet it would be quite an eye opener to that grown child all that you need to do for his/her father. Maybe then, and only then, that the children agree that it is time for Dad to have skilled nursing care.
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It's OK to be done. There's a lot to be said for getting out from under it while you still have (for the most part) your health. If any of us have a stroke there's a chance it won't kill us but rather just leave us disabled and in worse shape than our loved one. That is my personal nightmare. I worry that the violent tendencies you are subjected to will only become worse. We need peace, we need sleep, and we need a life. Some ideas .... Is there a place you can leave him for adult day care and get some time off from this? Can you qualify for medicare to pay for this or perhaps even permanent placement in a NH? Perhaps calling the local area on aging can offer some advice or a local senior center? I agree with you that life does indeed give us more than we can bear. There's no award for staying on a path that won't get better and allowing ourselves to have the life sucked out of us. Look for options, decided on what seems right for you, then do it. God bless.
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What you must be going through! Please, please look into Medicaid. (((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs)))
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(((((Hugs)))))))
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As I sit here crying, I am so grateful for the non-judgemental responses from all of you. I truly thought I could do this, and that if I hugged enough, rubbed his back, his arms, smiled and just repeated the same phrases, that I could maintain my caregiving as I know so many do. It's the realization that there is no cure, no healing process, no chance that he will ever get better, but will continue to decline. I have tried to gently inform his kids of the behaviors, but they just do not see it. I know that they believe I exaggerate. They are not un-caring and his daughter is a healthcare professional who deals with this at a hospital. Even when I have had to call 911 and the one time I called the police,  her only response was "I'm sorry, but you know that isn't him..." He is estranged from one son, and the other is very loving, but not available, due to his own problems, to help hardly at all. He does call frequently. They are not bad people, but are in denial. My own son has been living with us, but his work, and trying to rebuild his life, takes him away much of the time, and offers me an occasional couple of hours off, but never at a time when I could just rest. Actually I get more emotional support from his first wife, who took him to his daughter's home early last year for a weekend, but her new home is not at all conducive to an overnight visit any longer. Thank you again. 
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I’m so sorry for this situation for you. Cmagnum is right on! Medicaid will have to place him if there is no one to take care of him. Do you have Medicare? Have yourself committed for evaluation in a mental health facility so you can get the help you need right now. When you would rather die than live you need immediate help. Call his kids and see if they want to take care of him. If not turn him over to the state. Sometimes you have no other choice. You can only do so much as a human! Please take care of yourself!
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I am so sorry you are going through this... you remind me so much of my mom trying to care for my Dad. I don't think anyone is cut out to having no sleep and dealing with dementia 24/7. You are so tired and stressed and sleep deprived that even having a stroke seems like a better option.

Please look into the option of a facility and qualifying for Medicaid... you seem to be at the end of your rope with this.

(((hugs))
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It sounds like you're desperate, which I totally understand. I'd call a suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and/or go to the ER and tell them you're contemplating suicide and you have a demented husband at home that needs immediate help and care. Tell them exactly what you've told us. Your husband clearly can't be alone and if you're hospitalized, they'll have to place him somewhere. Then refuse to bring him back home.

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. We are here to support you but it sounds like you need some immediate help which is understandable with your lack of sleep. My heart is with you and I wish I could come over and give you some personal respite. {{{Hugs}}}
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She, do those step kids have any real idea of what their father is like? Have you told them? Recorded choice episodes? Or do you tend to hold your breath and stay tight-lipped when your husband is "showtiming" them?
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She, a lot of caregivers here have been in your shoes. It is physically and mentally exhausting. And not all of us are cut out to be caregivers. I know I wasn't. I wasn't hands-on but for me I also felt like please get me out of this, and even death felt welcoming.

It is also common for some with memory issues to do what is called "showboating", thus act very normal for a couple of hours and the visitors think everything is rosy and sweet. If those visitors only knew what all the other hours were like.

You've come to the right place here on Aging Care. We all have your back. There will be caregivers here that have gone through this that can give you some suggestions.
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You are so right that "God never gives you more than you can handle" is crap.

The next time he gets violent call 911 and have him committed as a danger to others and then tell the people at the hospital that you will not take him back home because you cannot and will not take care of him anymore.

Your desperation and wanting to die is not good. Is there anyone you can really talk with about that for it does not sound like you have the money or the time to see a therapist.
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