My pastor told me 4 years ago to plan ahead when my mom was diagnosed with dementia. My sister and I sat down together and did just that.
First, she couldn't live alone but could be left at home for periods of time and even sit with my nephew. So she moved in with my sister with the idea that when she no longer could be alone my sister would quit her job. 2 years ago she did just that and my mother's income became my sister's income.
We sold mom's house and put the money in the bank. The next step we planned was to move her to my house when it became too hard for my sister with an 8 year old to devote her time to. The time came 4 months ago and I quit my job, my sister went back to work and I moved her in with me and my husband (kids are in college). This has been working very well. I take her to daycare twice a week (which she doesn't want to go to but enjoys while she is there) The next step will be into assisted living in a dementia unit. I have had my mother accepted into a Senior Care residence through my church even though she is not ready yet. When she is ready they will take her- it could be months from now, or a couple years. The point is- each time a plan was in place, the burden and fear was lifted. I know at which point I can not longer care for my Mom and don't have to worry about what will happen. It makes today alot easier. I understand that not everyone is blessed with a sister to work with in this situation, but any planning that can be done ahead of time / any worry you can knock off your list with lessen your burden

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Yes planning is important and I wish we had thought to do more with my mother, but she never wanted to talk about her care. Plus Sis wants things done her way and Mom is happy because she controls Sis to a great extent.
My part has been to now plan what to do if Sis suddenly can't care for Mom. I have a step by step plan, who to call written down so I won't panic. I have visited care sites. I feel relieved now. It is no longer a threat if Sis says "well you just take her." Mom won't ever live with me but I will responsibly make sure there is a decent roof over her head and good care. She won't like my choices but that is okay.

This is a nice step by step description of what you did. TY for sharing it. I wish I could plan more with my Mom and Dad but my Dad -primary caregiver-is not willing to.
I will bookmark this post, though, in case I need it at a later date (if my Dad decides to plan).

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