Plan of Action for those of us with burn out

I like your term *plan of action*. It implies thought & movement.

It's the opposite of sitting idle waiting to be burnt out.

Like a Bushfire Plan - either Leave Early or Stay & Defend. Either way, it's a planned response that can kick in instead of panic & paralysis.

Thanks :)

Exhausted, i'm glad you are getting a better grip on things and know what you want and need to do. Wish you success. All the best.

NY, glad to hear it :)

NY,

It does feel good to stand up for ourselves. Personally, I respect others for standing up for themselves. I found out who respected me and who didn’t. Guess what? I gained self respect and that was so very important to me.

You were one of the people on this forum that I took notes from about standing up for ourselves, so I thank you again for sharing your message.

As a recovered burned outer, I remember that "A-ha!" moment when I realized that I was killing myself to keep my in-laws from having to contend with reality. My plan of action started with a promise to myself of never again burning myself out for anything or anyone. To keep that promise, I established healthy boundaries. I have always been a forthright person but being direct with my husband and in-laws about caregiving came as quite the shock even them. Standing up for myself felt good!

Alva, I like your perspective. I also tend to obsess about the future and worry, and my husband is the more logical one. He's high functioning Aspergers so picture Spock from Star Trek. I can also be overly emotional, which is my biggest issue the last few years.

So my plan of action is to try to get a better grip on my depression, and to accept that I can't fix or control what is happening with other people.

I'm glad that I have come to terms with my limits in recent months. That has helped even though I'm still in the thick of this. For awhile I irrationally thought that I was stuck with zero end in sight except my mom's death. It was a very unstable place to be mentally because it's not natural to wish somebody would die and leave you alone.

Now I know that when things get bad I do have options, the first one being the ability and right to say NO. The next is placement when my mom can't be left alone. Plan of action is that I'm getting myself less involved and the doctors more involved. I've also stepped back from asking my siblings for any advice. I don't want their input anymore unless it's to say they want to take over. Last year I literally called them both in tears begging for support. They have since proved there isn't any to give so now I just text them important medical info and leave it at that.

Thanks for sharing :)

I think what helps me is attempting to stay a bit "mindful" and stay "in the day" as I tend to try in my mind to go out and try to settle all the things that "might happen" in the future. It's draining and it's impossible, because we never KNOW the future.
I have a bit of an OCD mind; you know, if the frame tips a bit to the left I am uncomfortable until I get it right. My partner helps me in that he is able to tell me that some crisis or another is "only numbers" or "will come right on its own with a bit of patience" and so on. He can help to ground me.
I try to stay appreciative of what does work well, and try to let myself concentrate a bit on "how far I've come" and "how many ducks are beginning to join the lineup".
For me--not a believer--I am left with fate. I just in 77 years haven't believed, so I guess I am missing the gene. We all have to face down grief in our lives, and we are all free to pursue the joy and beauty of life.
I am only just short of a year on the journey with those who give help and care to family member/s. I sure am thankful to the forum and to all who leave tips and information; I've been learning more than I ever wanted to know :).
Thanks to all who write here.

True, that part is for those who do

Thanks for caring. People do need to know that there is hope. They do need a starting point. As to your reference about God, not everyone is a believer.

Many believe in a higher power. That higher power is extremely personal to all of us. Some don’t even acknowledge a higher power in their lives.