I placed mom in a LTC and I miss her.

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Well , 2 days ago I placed Mom in a LTC and I bawled through signing the papers ,,I feel like I gave my child up for adoption...it’s now just the cat and I at home and her room seems lonely without her...her first night there she was scared and fought with the nurses and cna’s who tried to change her ,,I’m slowly fixing up her room there it’s semi private,but I have her fav blankets and stuffed animals there and I ordered a picture for her wall ..I go visit everyday because I want to be sure they know and she knows she hasn’t been abdanoned ...she has a tv and they need to work on getting her out of bed ,,which I will work on today when I get there...the problem is the LTC needs to figure it out by themselves because I don’t want to come everyday and have to be the one to get her out of bed ......not sure how to handle that ...her dementia and Alzehemiers is very bad and she is now a frightened elderly lady ...I’m glad she has someone to take care of her if anything happened to me like I was in a accident or got sick (I’m already sick ) that she would have someone to take care of her .. It’s just Mom and I since my sister died suddenly 4 years ago ...and i worried if I were to suddenly get ill Mom would be alone ,, I have a brother who dosent really care ,,he never helped me with her ,,I had to work 12 hours at the hospital then giver left and I would have to put her to bed and I had 4 days a week with no caregiver but me ,,but I love her so it was worth it ,,anyway ..I did place her and I hope I did the right thing because the guilt is killing me ,,,I bawl when I leave her and bawl on the way there ..I’m a 55 year old bawl baby ....does anyone else worry about who would take care of their loved ones if something should happen to them ( the caregiver) I have Psoratic Arthritis and my immune system is very bad ,and my uncle developed multiple myeloma due to the effects of the Psoratic arthritis..and I worry about my health in the future ..anyway I’m sorry I rambled ..but I love you all and thank you 🙏


Even though you miss your mom, I would think that there is some relief that she is placed in a good place. For me, it was such a relief to know that my LO was somewhere with around the clock care and that they were equipped to help her with all her needs. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed, that I cried tears of relief and joy when I got my LO placed. I slept for the first time in weeks.  Before that, I was terrified every moment for her, as she needed care that I could not provide by myself. I would have felt guilty, had I not had her placed.  With your health concerns, I'd try to focus on maintaining your own health. 

I would discuss things with the staff about visiting. It may take a little time for her to adjust. My LO had trouble getting up in the morning at the regular AL facility. It became a problem. They were not as equipped to manage the needs of people with dementia as a Memory Care facility, so, I ended up having to transfer her to MC. Is your mom in a nursing home, regular AL or Memory Care?
I'm with you. I can justify my reasons for placing Dad, and it all makes so much sense, except it's my dad. I've cried and cried, and I visit every day. It's been six months, and I feel guilty for placing him as well as miss him being here. He was enjoying a movie with the others there when I stopped in this morning, and I mean enjoying, so that I only stayed a few minutes. Those are the times that I'm ok with leaving him there.
Thank you so much for your kind thoughtful answers ..Mom is just in long term care she is non ambulatory so she didn’t need memory care ,,yes it got to the point where I would work a 12 hour shift and have to come home feed Mom and put her to bed then get up at 0430 to be at the hospital on time ..and her caregiver would be there at 0415, I’d work a 12 or 13 hour shift and just so tired I could barely feed her , change her and get her to bed ..I on,y had caregivers on the day I worked that’s all I could afford and I did all the lifting and changing ,,,it was so exhausting...I do feel relieved I can go to work and come home and go to bed ..yet I feel soo guilty because I miss her so much ,,,I go see her everyday until I get back to work again and give her lots of kisses ,,,thank you again for helping me through this difficult, lonely time. Hugs and love to you all
I'm so sorry for your loss

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