Another day gone by and she's starting to go down again after we talked about how I feel how she's been treating me and not listening to me as well as trying to make way for me to get on with my life but have someone to replace me or move her to a small senior community or assistant living. She hasn't eaten all day and has been imagining things all of a sudden. She fell 4 times today and she refuses to go to the ER let alone let the paramedics take her. She drinks mostly Pepsi and her friend and I told her to stop drinking it because of the sugar and acid is bothering her stomach. She won't do that either. She hasn't been able to control her functions either and she refuses to wear the diapers I got her. :( She won't even let me get a caretaker to replace me since I'm currently looking for a job and looking for a school in another city seeing how this place isn't offering me any help for work. She even made a claim of hearing on the tv that Oprah died and the tv wasn't even on. She claimed she heard it and that she know what she heard and saw. She ate some food and had plenty of water and Gatorade and tea yesterday and today she didn't even bother to eat and instead drank Pepsi and some of her whiskey she found that i hid away from her. To make things any better my boyfriend who was supposed to be my best and pretty much only friend I have that lives near me just snapped out on me and said I should had put her in a nursing home a long time ago. :/ I feel a bit hurt from him but I know there is plenty of fish out there so I won't worry to much about it. I just feel at a lost. She won't listen to me, she won't do anything on her own now which last week she could but now she seem like she doesn't want to even put the effort in to washing or putting on her diapers. I told her it's okay to be embarrassed but it will save you from wetting your clothes and I can always walk to the store to get them. But she won't she rather go on herself on her bed and say nothing to me about it. She won't let me clean her up either. I feel that she's depressed because I'm getting ready to move on with my life. I'm only 20 turning 21 in December. Yet she won't tell me what's wrong, what hurts and what isn't working right. I feel that she wants to die seeing she was just in the hospital last month for 2 months and now she's already back in the same place she was in July. Even when she was in the hospital I asked some neighbors and even him to help me out and no one except for her friend helped me. Everyone expects me to know what to do and where to start. Everyone expects me to get out more but how when you weren't allowed or couldn't because you saved your grandmother's life not just once but 3 times already. I feel that either way she will slip down again when I'm not here seeing how she won't pick herself up anymore.It's like she calls me down to her every 15 minutes to an hour or every 5 minutes sometimes. I feel that every time I try to work on me so if she goes I can be dependent on myself yet she won't put the effort into at least staying a little longer until I can get on my feet.I just feel that she wants to go seeing how the doctor took her off of her anti depressant saying it wasn't helping at all. I just don't know what else to do beside to look for a job I can do in Cleveland get my driver's license here even if i have to ask her for money for it I have to do start making plans for me. I just need time and direction. Many thanks to those who helped me here too. Thanks again for listening.